The Body-Mind Connection: A Guide to Somatic Therapy and Its Techniques

By Melody Wright, LMFT

When I step into a session I pay close attention to my client’s breathing, tone and speed of voice and overall energy. There’s no agenda or predetermined plan; instead, I remain completely present, engaged, and attuned with them. I rely on my own nervous system to pick up on cues from my clients and use that information to support and guide them through the ebbs and flows of the session. Many times, we remain oblivious to the messages our bodies are attempting to convey. As a somatic therapist, my role is to guide individuals in developing awareness of these signals and assist them in deciphering the meaningful communication embedded within their physical experiences. You see, in today's world, it's not uncommon for many of us to feel overwhelmed, stressed, or disconnected from ourselves. We may find ourselves trapped in the whirlwind of our thoughts, often neglecting the connection between our bodies and minds. This is the beauty of Somatic Therapy.

Somatic therapy recognizes the intricate connection between the body and the mind, understanding that our physical experiences and emotional states are intertwined. In this blog, we will discuss the world of somatic therapy, unraveling its principles, modalities, and benefits. Whether you are a seeker of self-discovery or someone who desires to enhance their overall well-being, this blog will provide you with valuable insights into the transformative potential of Somatic Therapy.

What Are The Benefits of Somatic Therapy

With Somatic Therapy being a holistic approach to psychotherapy its principles focus on the understanding that emotional and psychological issues can be manifested and stored in the body. With that understanding, it can address the body's experiences and sensations which can lead to healing and transformation. Here are some of the principles that guide somatic therapy: 

1. Body-Mind Connection: As already mentioned, Somatic therapy emphasizes the importance of connecting fully with one's body. It encourages individuals to become aware of bodily sensations, emotions, and patterns of movement to gain a deeper understanding of their present experiences.
   

2. Mindfulness and Presence: Somatic Therapy brings awareness by promoting the practice of mindfulness. As people begin to practice mindfulness it leads them to deeper self-awareness and allows them to develop a greater capacity to respond to life's challenges with more self-love and self-acceptance.
   

3. Integration of the Mind and Body for Transformation: Somatic Therapy teaches you how to honor and understand your body. When you are able to listen to its signals and tend to the places in need you honor yourself as a whole. Integrating the tools given to you by your therapist will promote transformation, resilience, and overall healing. 

 How is Somatic Therapy Different from Talk Therapy?

Now that we’ve talked about what Somatic Therapy is and touched on some of its basic principles, let’s discuss the tools used to achieve these goals. The techniques used in Somatic Therapy are like the tools in your tool kit. One tool may work for one thing, but not for the other, like a hammer to drive a nail versus a screwdriver.  When you start therapy, your therapist will begin to provide you with these tools for healing. So what are some Somatic Therapy tools? 

1. Nervous System Regulation - By focusing on levels of activation your therapist can support you with grounding in the moment and regulating your nervous system. Conscious breathing, visualization, and touch exercises can help release tension and provide grounding. This is especially supportive to those who experience anxiety. This allows you to process emotions on a deeper level by providing a deeper awareness of what you’re experiencing in your body.
    

2. Allowing The Body To Move As It Pleases: Incorporating authentic movement helps give the body a voice by allowing the individual to release pent-up energy, frustration, and stress. With eyes closed to reduce distraction and encourage body awareness, the individual can then act out their internal emotions that they may not have words for at the moment. The movement supports releasing the “feel good” hormones like oxytocin to combat depression and trauma-related issues.
   

3. Mindfulness Practices: Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, are a common technique used in Somatic Therapy. These practices invite curiosity and acceptance. Mindfulness is a time to be led by your subconscious mind, thus connecting with authenticity and the present moment in a gentle, loving way. Mindfulness is also a way to connect with your inner resources and strength, explore past experiences, and literally create new neural pathways in your brain. When you meditate or imagine a positive situation, your brain cannot distinguish what is real versus what actually happened which creates a new positive neural pathway in your brain leading to healing in the mind and body.
   

4. Body Scanning - Self-awareness is a key piece to Somatic Therapy. Knowing what your body is saying is essential to developing that self-awareness. Body Scanning has been proven to be a very successful mindfulness technique to increase your body awareness. It supports this by giving you clues into how you are feeling or what you might be needing.

Final Thoughts

As we mentioned above, Somatic Therapy can play an intricate part in your healing journey and self-development. Many times people will visit their therapist to talk about their issues, and yes this can be supportive for a while, however, the body holds wisdom for your healing as well. The body's memory of trauma can have lasting physical effects such as chronic pain, sleep disorders or consistently living in fight or flight mode. Here at Life By Design Therapy, we have a team who is skilled and passionate about utilizing Somatic and Holistic Therapy tools to support you in a safe and non-judgmental space. If you are interested in learning more about what each therapist offers, visit our website at www.lifebydesigntherapy.com or if you are ready to get started CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation with our Client Care Coordinator.

Additional Resources

If you would like to learn more about Somatic Therapy, below are a few recommended resources.

.

1. Somatic Psychotherapy Toolbox: 125 Worksheets and Exercises to Treat Trauma & Stress by Manuela Mischke-Reeds

2. In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter A. Levine

3. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma" by Peter A. Levine

4. The Healing Power of the Breath: Simple Techniques to Reduce Stress and Anxiety, Enhance Concentration, and Balance Your Emotions" by Richard P. Brown and Patricia L. Gerbarg

5. "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk

6.  Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma and Attachment" by Pat Ogden and Janina Fisher

7. Grace Unfolding: Psychotherapy in the Spirit of Tao-te ching by Greg Johanson and Ronald S. Kurtz

8. The Tao of Trauma: A Practitioner's Guide for Integrating Five Element Theory and Trauma Treatment by Alaine D. Duncan, Kathy L. Kain and Michael Hollifield

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Create a New Legacy - Overcoming and Breaking the Cycle of Familial Trauma

By Melody Wright, LMFT

I have encountered a lot of things in my time as a therapist, however, one of the common deep-rooted issues people come to me with stems from the way they grew up. Everyone has a different upbringing but there is often a deep seeded trauma that is recognized throughout our sessions that point to a cyclic pattern within the family system. It ranges from addiction, the way they were parented and punishment styles growing up, and even the way their parents would relate to them. These patterns have shaped the way my clients engage in relationships, and perceive themselves and their worth and even their world views. All of these things can be categorized under the umbrella of Familial Trauma. 

What is Familial Trauma? 

Familial trauma is the consequence of living with traumatic events and memories that were unintentionally passed on from generation to generation. Because it’s such a deeply ingrained experience within the family it can have lasting impacts on individuals into adulthood. Familial trauma can manifest itself in many ways such as disassociation, estrangement, and even addiction. For example, if you had a parent that couldn’t self-regulate, you may also suffer from the inability to regulate your nervous system even in minor situations. You might also develop the habit of putting everyone else's needs before your own. This is due to having to suppress your own emotions to accommodate your family members. In situations like this, it can lead to depression, anxiety, and overwhelm. The cycle of trauma is present because typically your family members were raised by parents who could also not regulate their nervous systems, as well. This is only one example of familial trauma, however, many other situations can cause challenges to overcome as you grow. 

How Do We Break the Cycle?

1. Become Aware of Your Own Patterns - Many people who have experienced familial trauma have a tendency to minimize or even deny the effects of what they’ve experienced especially if it’s something that commonly occurs in their family dynamic. It is important to become aware of any hurt or pain that you’ve endured as well as recognize if you have picked up any of the cyclic behaviors yourself. “Awareness is like the sun, when it shines, things are transformed” - Thich Nhat Hanh
   

2. Allow The Relationships to Change - this part can be complex and challenging. By recognizing and implementing the importance of breaking the cycles and healing your trauma, your family might push back. Finding space within yourself to settle with the fact that your relationships will look different will make the healing journey just a little bit easier.
   

3. Take Care of You - When working through trauma, one of the best things you can do for yourself is care for your own needs. Especially when working through familial trauma, some people may find it challenging to care for themselves. This can look like starting a new routine, finding a new hobby that makes you happy, and setting boundaries.
   

4. Find Forgiveness - Forgiveness is another aspect of the healing process. Forgiveness is not about condoning or forgetting the past but rather about letting go of anger and resentment towards those who have hurt us. Forgiveness can be a difficult leap to make, but it is a crucial step in the healing process because it allows us to move forward with a greater sense of inner peace and freedom.
   

5. Reach Out - As we discussed, familial trauma is something that can be so ingrained within us, we need people in our corner who are going to actively listen, support and encourage us to continue to press forward rather than return to our familiar ways. Not only are friends a great support, but having a therapist can also be beneficial to your journey. A therapist will carry modalities to support your individual needs, and provide an unbiased space for you to work through the things you need to. 

Creating a new legacy is the goal of the healing process. Breaking the cycle of trauma by learning healthy coping mechanisms, practicing self-compassion, and taking steps toward creating a positive future will benefit future generations. We understand that breaking cycles is a complex and highly unique voyage. 

Here at Life By Design Therapy, we have trauma-informed and culturally competent staff to support you as you walk through your healing journey. If you are ready to start healing CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation with one of our staff members. 

Additional Resources

If you would like to learn more about different forms of trauma and how to heal, below are a few books to expand your knowledge.

1. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker

2. My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem

3. “Silent Sons: A Book for and About Men" by Robert Ackerman

4. “The Emotionally Absent Mother: How to Recognize and Heal the Invisible Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect” by Jasmin Lee Cori

5. "It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle" by Mark Wolynn

6. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson

7. The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein

8. Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement by Angela Y. Davis 

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Healing From Relational Trauma: Strategies for Recovery and Growth

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Have you ever felt like your past experiences have left you with emotional scars that you just can't seem to shake off? Do you find it difficult to trust others or form healthy relationships because of past trauma? Relational trauma could be the culprit. Relational trauma can have a profound impact on a person's ability to connect with others and can lead to many things, such as anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems. In this blog, we'll explore what relational trauma is, and what can be done to heal from it.

What is Relational Trauma? 

Relational trauma is a term used to shed light on the impact of traumatic experiences within relationships. Relational trauma can stem anywhere from a childhood of abuse or abandonment, or negative interactions as an adult with coworkers, and friends. 

Healing from relational trauma is a complex process that requires time, patience, and support. For some, it can be a deeply painful and difficult experience to navigate. However, it's important to remember that you are not alone in your struggle and that healing is possible. With the right strategies for recovery and growth, you can begin to find a sense of peace and resilience in the face of this trauma. 

Strategies for Trauma Recovery and Growth

1. Acknowledge the Impact of Trauma - The first step in healing from relational trauma is acknowledging its impact on your life. This means becoming aware of the ways these experiences have affected your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It may involve acknowledging difficult emotions such as shame, guilt, anger, and sadness. During your acknowledgment journey remember the trauma you’ve experienced is not your fault and that healing is possible.

2. Practice Self-Care - Whatever self-care looks like for you, it is an essential piece to the puzzle of your healing journey. This may include exercise, eating a balanced diet, prioritizing sleep, practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and pleasure. However, self-care can also look like setting boundaries and saying no to activities or relationships that do not serve your well-being.

3. Cultivate Resilience - Resilience is the ability to weather difficulties and recover quickly. It involves developing skills such as problem-solving, stress management, and emotional regulation. Relational trauma can also involve nurturing the positive relationships you have and engaging in activities that promote a sense of purpose and meaning. 

4. Process Traumatic Memories - Trauma memories can be overwhelming and have the ability to resurface unexpectedly. It can be beneficial to seek support from a therapist or trauma specialist to process these memories and make sense of them. When seeking out a therapist look for those that utilize techniques such as Somatic Therapy, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, or additional trauma training. By processing the traumatic memories it can help reduce the intensity of emotions and help you move forward to live your life with a sense of worth and security. 

Final Thoughts

Healing from relational trauma is a unique process for every individual and requires time, patience, and support. It is possible to recover from trauma and grow into a happier, healthier, and more fulfilled person. Remember, healing is possible, and you are not alone. 

Here at Life By Design Therapy, we have a trauma-informed staff that utilizes modalities such as CBT, Holistic and Somatic Therapy techniques to support you on your journey. If you are interested in getting started, CLICK HERE to schedule a free phone consultation with a therapist of your choice. 

Additional Resources

If you would like to learn more about different forms of trauma and how to heal, below are a few books to expand your knowledge.

1. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker

2. My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem

3. “Silent Sons: A Book for and About Men" by Robert Ackerman

4. “The Emotionally Absent Mother: How to Recognize and Heal the Invisible Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect” by Jasmin Lee Cori

5. "It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle" by Mark Wolynn

6. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson

7. The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein

8. Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement by Angela Y. Davis 

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Loving Through Depression: Practical Tips for Supporting Your Partner

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Depression can be a debilitating condition that affects not only the person who is struggling with it but also their loved ones. It can be especially challenging for couples, as depression can put a strain on the relationship and make it difficult to maintain intimacy and communication. As a partner, it can be tough to see someone you care about struggling with depression, and it's understandable to feel helpless and unsure of what to do to help. However, it's essential to remember that your support can make a significant difference in your partner's journey toward recovery. If your partner is struggling with depression, there are several things you can do to support them and strengthen your relationship. In this blog, we'll discuss some practical tips and compassionate approaches that can help you support your partner through their depression.

How To Support Your Partner Through Their Depression

1. Be There For Them: This seems simple but one of the most important things you can do for your partner is simply to be there for them. Listen to their concerns and offer them emotional support when they need it. This will let them know that you care about them and have their best interest.

2. Encourage Them to Seek Professional Help: Because depression is a mental health condition, it is important for your partner to seek professional help. Encourage them to talk to a mental health professional about their symptoms.

3. Help With Daily Tasks: Depression can be debilitating for many people, which can make it difficult for your partner to do everyday tasks like making a meal, doing the laundry, or even running to the grocery store. Helping perform these basic tasks can show your partner that you are a safe support system for them.

Supporting Yourself

The care of your loved one is probably at the forefront of your mind, however, we want to remind you that, as the support person, you need to take care of yourself as well. If you continually give of yourself without taking care of your own needs, you run the risk of becoming burnout. Some ways you can support yourself are:

1. Practice Self-Care: It can be difficult to support a partner who is struggling with depression, and it is important to take care of yourself. Make time for yourself by doing activities you enjoy such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with friends.

2. Be Patient: Depression is a chronic condition for some people, and it may take time for your partner to feel better. Be patient and supportive, and avoid putting pressure on them to "snap out of it" or "get over it."

3. Educate Yourself: Knowing the signs and symptoms of depression can help you have a better understanding of what your partner may be going through. It can be supportive, as well, to know the treatment options for when your partner is ready to seek additional support. 

4. Seek Support For Yourself: Meeting with a qualified clinician can provide you with a secure and unbiased space for coping with your own emotions around your partner's depression. They can also give you tools to utilize in your day-to-day life to support your partner and possibly take a little weight off of your shoulders.

Supporting a partner who is struggling with depression can be a difficult and emotionally exhausting experience, but it is also an opportunity to show compassion and love to your partner which can bring strength to your relationship in the long run. By giving them your care and attention you can make a significant difference in their recovery journey. Remember to also take care of yourself and seek support when needed. Above all, know that you and your partner are not alone in this journey and that with patience, understanding, and persistence, you can work together to overcome the challenges of depression and build a stronger, more resilient relationship.

If you are in need of support, please contact one of our clinicians here at Life By Design Therapy. We offer online and in-person services for those who live in California. We also have a website full of resources for you and your partner to navigate this journey. 

Coping With Burnout - What Can You Do When Life Doesn’t Stop?

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Have you ever been at a point in your life where you feel like you are empty, lacking motivation, and mentally exhausted? More than likely you are experiencing burnout. Unfortunately, life keeps pushing forward, and it becomes difficult to pour from an empty cup. This can become very overwhelming for many. You might desire a break to be filled again, but if you lack the opportunity for that break, what can you do to fill your cup again? In this blog, we will provide you with the tools to refresh even when you don’t have the opportunity to truly slow down. 

What is Burnout? 

Burnout is a feeling where your mental and emotional state is depleted and it becomes exhausting to even perform basic day-to-day tasks. The feeling of burnout can be caused by many things such as your job, home life, financial hardships, personal problems, or a combination of these. It can have a significant impact on your daily life, leading to feelings of frustration, irritability, and disengagement from work or personal relationships. It's incredibly common to feel overwhelmed and depleted especially when you’re constantly putting others before yourself.

What Can You Do To Support Yourself? 

If you're experiencing burnout, you must recognize the symptoms and take steps to prevent it from negatively impacting your daily life. Here are some practical strategies to help you cope with burnout:

1. Take Time For Yourself: It's essential to prioritize self-care and take time for yourself. This can include engaging in activities that you enjoy, such as reading, taking a bath, or going for a walk. Make sure to set aside time each day for self-care, even if it's just 10 minutes.

2. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and focusing on your thoughts, feelings, and sensations throughout your body. Practicing mindfulness can help you reduce stress, improve your mood, and increase your overall well-being. There are many mindfulness practices, including meditation, deep breathing, and yoga.

3. Set Boundaries: This is a BIG one! It’s okay to say “no”. It's important to set boundaries in your personal and professional life to prevent burnout. This can include saying no to extra work or social engagements you don't have the time or energy for or setting limits on how much time you spend on certain activities.

4. Get Enough Sleep: Getting enough sleep is important for optimal health in general, but prioritizing sleep can help your brain reset allowing clarity for the following day. You can do this by establishing a regular sleep routine, avoiding caffeine before bedtime, and creating a relaxing sleep environment.

5. Engage In Physical Activity: Regular physical activity can help reduce stress, and improve your mood. Even just a 10-minute walk can have significant benefits.

6. Seek Support: If you're feeling burnt out, it's important to seek support from friends, family, and even a therapist. Talking about your feelings with someone you trust can help you feel less isolated and more supported.

We understand that burnout can have a significant impact on your daily life, but there are practical strategies that you can use to cope with it. By prioritizing yourself you can prevent burnout from negatively impacting your well-being. If you are needing support with moving forward out of your burnout state, consider reaching out to one of our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy. In conclusion, we want you to know that you are not alone and we are here to be a resource and support in your journey. We also have additional resources throughout our website such as links to mediation videos, a free downloadable eBook, and blogs that target more specific areas you might need support with. 

All About Grief - 6 Ways to Care for Yourself While Grieving

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Grief…it’s an unavoidable part of life that can be incredibly painful and potentially debilitating for some. It isn’t linear and there’s no timeline to be followed. Grief can be described as a singular emotion and yet there are many emotions involved making it feel like a whirlwind. When someone is on the roller coaster of grief recovery they may find it easy to place their own needs on the back burner or have thoughts of “what’s the point?”. Our goal in this blog is to support you in your pain and provide resources to help you find relief. We will provide you with simple coping tools to support yourself in this season of your life. 

What Should You Do While Grieving? 

1. Give Yourself Permission - this is so important during your grieving journey. In the previous “All About Grief” blog we discussed the Five Stages of Grief and one of the stages is the denial stage. Many times when we are in the denial stage of our grief, we will have feelings of numbness or even keep busy to keep our mind off the situation. If you find yourself in this position, give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions you need. This can immensely support your process. We want to remind you that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there are no right or wrong feelings to feel, but we encourage you to give yourself permission to feel them. Your grief journey is intensely personal and you are allowed to experience it no matter what it may look like.
   

2. Eat Well - Eating a balanced diet is beneficial for life in general, but it can be extremely supportive when you are experiencing major emotional fluctuations. We’re not medical doctors, however, during a grieving period, eating extra protein, omegas, and food high in B vitamins can positively impact potential mood swings. Higher protein foods like eggs, turkey, and Greek yogurt can support balancing blood sugar levels. Foods high in B vitamins like bananas can provide serotonin boosts and omega-rich food like fish provide DHA and EPA which are both linked to lowering depression levels. It’s always best to consult your physician before making changes to your diet. They can also provide additional dietary and supplement options based on your personal needs.
   

3. Move Your Body - Gentle movement can support your body in the midst of grief as well. Stepping outside to go for a walk will allow you to receive Vitamin D from the sun, which supports mood, and movement releases dopamine and serotonin in your brain which are the “feel good” hormones.
   

4. Write A Letter - Some people who have lost a loved one, experience regret for not being able to express something to that person they lost. Writing them a letter is a great way to express those things you might not have been able to. You may also be experiencing many levels of emotions and “brain dumping” on paper can help you organize your thoughts or express things you may not be able to say out loud.
   

5. Keep a Routine - Because grief comes with major life shifts, finding small things within your control can be supportive to some people. This can be as simple as making your bed as soon as you get up in the morning, or laying out your clothes for the next day before you go to bed at night. Keeping a routine can provide or return a sense of normalcy and structure to your life.
   

6. Find Others Who Are Grieving - Having those around you who understand the depth of what you are going through can provide a sense of security and comfort while riding the waves of this grieving journey. There are many grief support groups that you can find locally and there are options for therapy services as well. 

If you find yourself in the ebbs and flows of grief, having someone to provide a safe and secure place to process can support you in moving closer to the shoreline of acceptance. Therapy can provide tools to process the trauma that may be involved with the grief you’re experiencing, or find ways to cope with the emotions that suddenly arise when there is a trigger.

Life By Design Therapy has a staff that is ready to support you with this journey. You can find free resources on our website or if you’re in California you can schedule your free phone consultation below to get started. 

If you found this blog helpful, you may be interested in, “Navigating Grief During The Holidays” for some useful techniques and additional information about grief.

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on grief and how to support those that are grieving, check out these books below:

1. On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

2. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

3. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman

4. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

5. The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses by John W. James and Russell Friedman

6. It's Okay That You're Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine

7. The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller

8. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

All About Grief - Why Grieving Looks Different for Everyone

By Melody Wright, LMFT

If you have ever grieved anything, you understand that the process is personal and complex. It is a unique experience that cannot be compared to anyone else's, and it can manifest differently for each individual. Grieving timelines, methods of coping, and the emotions experienced by the person can be completely different than another person's experience. It’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to walk this process out. It can be helpful to understand how people cope with grief so that you can be better equipped to support yourself or someone else who may be going through this difficult process. 

What is Grief? 

Grief is a natural and universal response to loss. While grief is most commonly associated with the loss of a loved one, it can also be felt during the loss of an important relationship, health issues, loss of a job, and even moving to a new home. Grief can be described as a basket of emotions because you can have multiple feelings at once, even some that you might not expect. 

For instance, let’s think about an adult child caring for their parent with dementia during the final stages of their life. This caretaker watches the person they love lose themselves little by little, as well as the ability to take care of their everyday basic needs. As time moves forward, the parent passes away and the caretaker finds themselves feeling relieved and then guilty for feeling relieved. 

The reality is, while this may not have been the emotion that was anticipated for the grieving process, it’s perfectly normal and okay to feel this sense of relief and sadness at the same time.

The 5 Stages of Grief

I’m sure you have heard of The Five Stages of Grief. These guidelines are an attempt to explain the different stages of grief and the emotions that may come up. Each stage of grief has its own unique set of challenges and emotions associated with it, but they all eventually lead to acceptance of the loss. By recognizing the signs and symptoms associated with each stage, we can learn how to better manage our emotions as we move through the grieving process or support others with their process. 

The five stages of grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. However, as we mentioned before, grief is not a one-size-fits-all and you can experience two or three of these stages all at once. So what are some of the symptoms and emotions that are associated with each stage? 

1. Denial - you may feel easily distracted, numb, confused, or even find yourself staying busy to keep your mind off your new reality.

2. Anger - during this stage you may feel upset with yourself and others. It may come out as irritability, frustration, impatience, etc.

3. Bargaining - you may find yourself negotiating with a higher power or making deals with yourself. You may also experience guilt, shame, insecurity, and anxiety.

4. Depression - during this stage you may find yourself weeping more, feeling sadness, fear, regret, or uncertainty. There might also be changes in your appetite, sleep patterns, and energy levels.

5. Acceptance - here you will find yourself beginning to emotionally detach. You’ll have the ability to be more present, vulnerable, and engage with reality.   

Why Does Grief Look Different for Everyone? 

The answer is simply…everyone is different. We all have different stories, perspectives, and traumas that we work through during a grieving process. However you may be experiencing grief, it’s perfectly ok. There is no right and wrong way to process and you have permission to feel exactly the way you need to feel to work through your grief journey. For some, grief is a debilitating experience, and for those journeying that out, it is helping to have someone to support you in your process and provide tools to help you move forward. If you find yourself in a situation like this, consider scheduling a free phone consultation with one of our qualified clinicians here at Life By Design Therapy. 

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on grief and how to support those that are grieving, check out these books below:

1. On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

2. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

3. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman

4. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

5. The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses by John W. James and Russell Friedman

6. It's Okay That You're Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine

7. The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller

8. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

Racial Trauma: How to Begin Healing

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Now that we’ve put a name to the invisible foe of Racial Trauma, we can begin to find ways to acknowledge the pain and heal. If you’re curious as to what we are talking about head over to the previous blog Racial Trauma - Acknowledging the Invisible Foe as a prerequisite to this read. Racial Trauma can be a confusing and painful experience to endure, and as we mentioned in the previous blog, you are not alone. Your feelings and experiences are valid. In this blog, you will find ways to cope, resources, and learn new ways to heal. 

Healing Begins Here

Finding your footing on where to start your healing journey can be challenging. Racial trauma is something that is complex and individualized. Like grief, racial trauma is something that is not diagnosed clinically, yet is a very real experience, which can potentially leave you feeling confused. So what can you do to begin your healing process? 

1. Discuss Your Experience - Start talking to those around you that you trust. Having friends and family to bounce thoughts off of, share stories with, and even flow through emotions can create a safe space for healing. You may find that those around you have experienced or are experiencing similar thoughts and emotions as you are.

2. Seek Support - Not only can you find support with friends and family, but there are also community resources available, therapy services, and religious/spiritual services available to you. If you are a student, you can check with your school for programs and resources for those your age as well. Having this support can provide you with comfort and validation.

3. Engage In Self-Care Practices - Due to the stress that is put on the body in traumatic situations, it is essential to engage in self-care practices. Self-care practices are not one-size-fits-all, so take some time to figure out what works for you. That could be enjoying a bike ride after work, getting up early to drink your coffee and meditate, reciting affirmations to yourself on your drive to work, or practicing breathing techniques. The goal is to reduce stress on the body and bring awareness to what you’re experiencing.

4. Empower Other Voices - Your story will bring healing to others who are hurting. By participating in community outreach and activism, your story has the potential to reach many others who haven’t been able to put a name to their invisible foe. You may also have the ability to educate others outside of the BIPOC community about the importance of mental health among those experiencing racial trauma. You will see that as you use your voice, you will empower other voices to rise up and bring awareness to this systemic issue. 

Here at Life By Design Therapy, we acknowledge the vulnerability it takes to move through the complexities of racial trauma. We want to be a resource for you on your healing journey. We have a staff that carries a social justice lens, cultural competency, and relatability to ensure that you are receiving the safety and support you need. If you are interested in working with one of our therapists please click HERE to schedule your free phone consultation today. 

 If you didn’t get a chance to check our list of resources in the previous blog,  we’ve included it here!

1. My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem

2. Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by Layla Saad

3. White Rage: The Unspoken Truth of Our Racial Divide by Carol Anderson

4. Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America's Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing by Joy a Degruy

5. The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein

6. Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations About Race by Beverly Daniel Tatum

7. How to Raise an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

8. Caste (Oprah's Book Club): The Origins of Our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson

9. White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Dr. Robin DiAngelo 

10. Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

11. The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson 

12. The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

13. Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement by Angela Y. Davis 

14. Postcolonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz 

15. The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together by Heather McGhee
    
    **Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Racial Trauma - Acknowledging the Invisible Foe

By Melody Wright, LMFT

There is an invisible force that has been silently affecting the lives of those with extra melanin in their skin. For centuries many people have felt this force in their day-to-day lives, yet they haven’t been able to name it. Some have described it as a cloud that follows them and never seems to lift. Others feel as though they must question their own thoughts and feelings with simple daily tasks. So what is this invisible foe? The answer is racial trauma. 

What is Racial Trauma? 

Racial trauma is physical, emotional, and mental distress experienced by the BIPOC community due to racism in society. The reason we are calling racial trauma the invisible foe is due to the fact that it is not something that is experienced during a single isolated event, but rather something that stacks over time by continual exposure either directly or indirectly. Racial trauma is also something that is rarely acknowledged as a valid human experience, which causes confusion throughout the community. 

Signs of Racial Trauma

Now that we’ve put a name to our foe, I’m sure you are wondering what signs of racial trauma are. Some people experience anxiety, depression, imposter syndrome, and even feelings of guilt and shame around regular day-to-day tasks. However, did you know that trauma can be stored in the body? It’s possible that you may be experiencing physical symptoms in response to the long-term effects of stress from racial trauma. Physical symptoms can include insomnia, headaches, and hypervigilance. The more exposure to racial trauma the more you may see these physical symptoms could intensify. 

Indirect vs Direct Racial Trauma

Exposure to racial trauma is a different experience for each individual. This trauma can come in the form of direct or indirect exposure. Unfortunately, many BIPOCs experience both in today's society.

Indirect racial trauma is probably the most predominant form of exposure. This can look like watching the news and finding out about police brutality in your area, having a family dinner out, and overhearing conversations with discriminatory phrases. These situations affect you without being necessarily directed at you. They may stimulate feelings of worry, anger, or confusion, all of which are valid responses to what you’ve experienced.

Direct racial trauma exposure is discrimination that is specifically directed at you. For example, you are at the grocery store buying some snacks for a gathering you’re having and you accidentally bump into someone. When you turn to apologize you are met with someone who responds with a racially motivated insult. After this, you may have feelings of anger and resentment, but you may also experience thoughts that make you think there is something wrong with you for having a different skin color. 

Acknowledging The Invisible Foe 

It is important to remember that you are not alone in your experience with racial trauma. This is a real thing that many people struggle with.

Acknowledging racial trauma is the first step towards creating more awareness about its effects on people’s mental health. We must also strive to create an environment where people feel safe to talk about their experiences without fear of judgment. There are many people out there who understand what you’re going through and can provide support and resources to help you cope with the pain.

If you are wondering where to start, finding a culturally competent therapist would be a great first step. Our therapists at Life By Design Therapy carry a social justice lens. If you are interested in working with our team please click HERE to schedule your free phone consultation. 

**If you’re interested in expanding your awareness and knowledge on race-related matters, check out these books below:

1. My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem

2. Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by Layla Saad

3. White Rage: The Unspoken Truth of Our Racial Divide by Carol Anderson

4. Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America's Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing by Joy a Degruy

5. The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein

6. Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations About Race by Beverly Daniel Tatum

7. How to Raise an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

8. Caste (Oprah's Book Club): The Origins of Our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson

9. White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Dr. Robin DiAngelo 

10. Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

11. The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson 

12. The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

13. Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement by Angela Y. Davis 

14. Postcolonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz 

15. The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together by Heather McGhee

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

---

other blogs you may like

---

What People Get Wrong About Compatibility

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Did you love them? Of course...Did they love you? Absolutely. So why didn’t work out? This is a question so many couples have asked themselves. And maybe this blog will help give you some understanding and fresh eyes on your situation. Unfortunately, what it comes down to is love and compatibility are two different things. We, as emotional beings, tend to mix these two things up. 

Compatibility, according to Merriam-Webster, is the ability to co-exist in harmony or something designed to work with another device or system without modification. People often believe that compatibility means two people are the same or very similar to each other. This is not true. Compatibility is about how two people can complement each other and balance their differences.

Compatibility vs Chemistry

The butterflies, doe eyes, and mushy phrases pay tribute to the chemistry between two people. Chemistry with someone is the emotional connection between those that are in the relationship. It's that spark! Compatibility, on the other hand, is like that rational best friend. It brings a sense of balance to the relationship. You can have compatibility with someone without really feeling anything for them or feeling attracted to them. Compatibility usually refers to how well two people work together on a professional level or how easy they are to live with on a personal level.  So how do you determine compatibility? To determine compatibility, you need to know what someone is like and how they prefer things done in their life. But, you also need to know what you are like and what you want, as well. This is true for all relationships, from friendships to romantic ones.

Here are a few questions to ask your partner…

1. Does anything ever stop you from apologizing, even when you’re wrong? 

2. Do you desire a long-term partnership?  

3. Do you believe in non-monogamy?

4. What are your views on finances between couples? 

5. Do you believe in spirituality? If so, where are you at in your spiritual journey? 

6. How would you support your partner in following their dreams? 

7. What was your relationship like with your parents growing up and how do you see that it’s affected you now? 

Compatibility Isn’t Perfection

Contrary to how it may come across, compatibility is not perfection! I’m sure your ideal partner is someone who fits into your life without compromise. Which is much like dating yourself. Unfortunately, that’s just not how it works. Relationships are meant to challenge you to some degree. If you were never challenged, you would never grow as a person. Compatibility isn’t all or nothing. It’s easy to disqualify people and choose to not get to know them if you find that there is one interest that does not align with yours. There is work involved in the togetherness of a relationship, but it’s how well you work together to reach your goals and dreams that determines compatibility. 

Having A Strong Foundation

To manage a safe and trusting relationship, it’s always good to be mentally and emotionally secure yourself. Having practices of self-care and self-growth will promote healthy communication between you and a partner. One of the ways to support yourself is to have a solid support system to bounce ideas off of, vent when needed, and provide tools to continue to move forward with your personal journey. 

Therapy is an amazing tool to have in your relationship toolbox. There is a misconception that you have to have a “mental illness” to attend therapy, this just simply isn't true. Attending therapy as an individual has many benefits, but when you attend with your partner, your growth opportunities are endless. Asking your partner to attend regular therapy is a great way to determine compatibility and build a solid, trusting, and emotionally honest relationship. If you are interested in speaking with a qualified clinician, click HERE to schedule a free phone consultation to explore your options. 

Why You Need To Know Your Relationship Dealbreakers From The Start

By Melody Wright, LMFT

We’ve all been there at one point or another. Glued to our couch, calling our friends with tissues galore, mindlessly scrolling and doing whatever we can to try to feel a little better. Another relationship. Another heartbreak. The pain is real.  The loss is present.  It hurts so bad. 

During this difficult time, it's normal to question “what went wrong?”. 

There are three things that can never be returned: time, words, and love. And while it is easy to get caught up in the moment you're falling for someone, it's important to know what your dealbreakers are from the start. Being in a secure, connected, enjoyable and emotionally safe relationship is key, so before stepping into your next relationship determine what your absolute dealbreakers are. Here's a few ideas to support your journey…

1. Abuse - this is any type of abuse such as Physical, Mental, or Emotional. Unfortunately, when abuse occurs many people may feel like it will never happen again. Remember that you are worth having safe and secure relationships and it's important to be clear on your boundaries around this.

2. They’re Hiding You - while timing is relevant here, this should be a red flag that something may not be right. If they are clearly keeping you a secret, it's best to discuss this with them and be direct.  If they are not able to be transparent about their reasoning, this could indicate some serious problems that could show up later in the relationship (i.e. cheating, feeling embarrassed by you or difficulty committing to a serious relationship). 

3. Substance Abuse and Addiction - you might find yourself in a situation where you are put in a compromising position with drugs or alcohol, especially if you have a family history or strong personal beliefs around drug and alcohol use.  If this is you, it's important to ground yourself in what is acceptable to you and what situations may be too much.  Being in a relationship with someone with an addiction can be taxing, build resentments, and create conflict so having these open and honest conversations is key.

There are many other things that can go unnoticed while in the excitement of a new relationship. Besides the major dealbreakers here are a few questions to ask yourself when deciding what your dealbreakers are…

1. Are they able to set their own boundaries? 

2. Do they know how to identify their needs and communicate them? 

3. How do they handle feedback or boundary setting? 

4. What is their response when they are angry or offended? 

5. What are their thoughts on marriage and children?

6. What are their political and spiritual values and stances? 

7. What is their communication style and how do they handle uncomfortable situations? 

Now that you have some questions to chew on, let's talk about why it is important to know the dealbreakers before you step into the relationship. When you are in a relationship where you’re having to compromise yourself to keep someone around, it can really take a toll on your mental health. It can create feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and potential anxiety and depression. Ultimately, life is way too short to spend it with someone who doesn’t align with your values and the things that are important to you. However, it's also up to you to know what you are willing to tolerate in a relationship and communicate that clearly with yourself and your partner. 

We encourage you to recognize your value as a person who is worth having your needs met and that it's okay to have boundaries.  If you feel as though you are having a difficult time maneuvering a relationship you’re in or finding your dealbreakers, consider reaching out to one of our skilled clinicians by clicking HERE to schedule a phone consultation. 

10 Tips to Reduce Anxiety When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed.

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, many of us may be feeling overwhelmed with any remaining upcoming events as we head into the new year. Our overwhelming feelings, if left unattended, can turn into anxious thoughts and concerns that we will not have enough time to do all the tasks we said we would do (making a dish for the New Year Party at work, cleaning the house, making final plans for your business, etc.). If any of these worries resonate with you, we’d like to offer you some tips to help reduce your anxiety when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

1. Write it down. When we’re overwhelmed, our thoughts can feel like they are going in circles in our heads, which creates more feelings of stress and anxiety. If you are worried about something, or numerous things, write it down. Make a list of the things that are currently bothering you and prioritize what things you’d like to address first. You may also find things on your list that you can’t do much about. When this happens, give your mind permission to let those things go. Creating a list and prioritizing what you will do will help you feel a sense of control, which can help reduce the feeling of overwhelm.

2. Schedule a time to worry. If your thoughts come and go throughout the day and distract you from your current tasks, schedule a time to worry. You may notice that by the time you get to your scheduled “worry time” your worries may have improved. 

3. Be mindful of your caffeine and alcohol intake. Both caffeine and alcohol can give you the energy or mood boost you need to get through an upcoming event, but they can also impact your anxiety levels. If you’re able to cut down on the amount of caffeine or alcohol that you consume, it may improve how you feel and decrease your anxiety levels. 

4. Practice grounding exercises. Whether you prefer deep breathing or guided imagery, implementing a grounding exercise in the middle of feeling overwhelmed can help bring you back to a focused, calm state. This is especially true if you are about to head into a busy shopping mall or chaotic family gathering – grounding yourself before these events can help you walk in with a calm demeanor and zen state of mind. 

5. Identify your triggers. You may notice that you consistently feel anxious or overwhelmed when you see certain people or places (ie. a family member or the doctor’s office). See if you’re able to identify who or what situations make you anxious. Consider if there is anything you can do about these triggers (limit time with a family member, have someone with you when you go to the doctor’s office, etc.)

6. Spend time with and in your community. Spending time with your friends can help you feel supported and improve your mood. Volunteering in your community can also help give you a sense of belonging.

7. Talk to someone you trust. Whether you choose to talk to a friend or your significant other, talking to someone you trust about your feelings may help ease your mental load. Talking to others can help give you a different perspective on what’s currently troubling you. They may even offer to help with some of the things on your to-do list.

8. Take a walk. Getting outside and moving your body helps release endorphins, which trigger positive feelings in your body. 

9. Make time for rest. The average person needs about 7 hours of sleep a night to properly rest. Take a moment to see if you’re getting enough rest. If not, your lack of sleep may be contributing to your current feelings.

10. Redirect your focus. If practicing grounding exercises is not for you, doing other activities when feeling anxious may help you interrupt your anxious thoughts. Completing a household chore, watering your plants, or getting out to mail out a letter can help redirect your focus and get an item checked off your to-do list. 

We hope these tips can help calm your mind and provide an opportunity to regulate any physical symptoms you may be experiencing as a result of anxiety.

If you’d like to learn more about anxiety, feel free to check out our previous blog posts where we discuss anxiety, anxious responses, and offer other strategies to address anxious thoughts. For additional support, click here to connect to one of our experienced therapists.

All About Anger – Addressing Anger Long-Term

By Melody Wright, LMFT

As part of our final blog for our “All About Anger” series, we’d like to introduce you to some resources and options for how to address your anger, and its effects, long term. Learning skills such as deep breathing and identifying when to take a step back may keep your anger at bay for that moment, but can pose a challenge when you remain angry even after that moment has passed. If you’re interested in taking a deeper dive into understanding and addressing anger, we highly recommend the following:

• Begin to bring awareness to the physical or emotional cues that your body experiences when you become angry. Most people will have certain physical and emotional cues that let them know they are beginning to feel angry (grinding teeth, sharp pain in their back, feeling increasingly warm, etc.). Learning more about your cues can help you begin to identify when your anger levels are beginning to rise even if you may not immediately realize what is happening in your body. 

• Join an anger support group. Some individuals learn better from hearing others share similar thoughts or experiences. If you feel like joining a supportive community that will help you learn more about your anger and strategies to address it, look into local centers or community agencies that can offer support. 

• Read a book or online article about the cycles of anger and aggression. If reading and learning are some of your fortes, there’s a lot you can learn from others that can help you identify the patterns that surround anger and aggression. These patterns or cycles usually reflect a situation or event that sparks anger, your reaction to that event/situation, and the aftermath of your reaction. Once you are able to identify how that cycle plays out in your day-to-day activities, you can use different strategies (like stopping your thoughts before you react) to prevent a “blow up” or display signs of aggression.

• Talk to a therapist. Anger can stem from different places, and at its worst, can begin to impact your relationships, career goals, and overall physical health. It is okay to tap into different methods of support when you haven’t been able to identify the strategy that works best for you. A therapist can collaborate with you to learn more about where your anger stems from, and what skills can be used to address your anger. 

We hope that our All About Anger series has given you a few different tips to reign in your anger when you feel it building up. As always, our licensed therapists are able and available to help you in your journey to address anger, and the other emotions associated with anger (aggression, frustration, overwhelm). Don’t hesitate to reach out should you need additional support.

I Worry About Keeping My Child Safe, What Can I Do?

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Becoming a parent can be one of the most rewarding, exciting, and joyous times in someone’s life. It can also be one of the scariest, overwhelming, and emotional times in a parent’s life – both sets of emotions are valid and can be felt at the same time. Leading up to the arrival of a new baby, many parents talk about things to prepare for such as the cost of childcare, how to set up the nursery, and each parent’s approach to child rearing. Once a child has arrived, many parents realize that there are many important topics that may not have been on their radar prior to the child’s birth. These topics can include addressing issues that occurred during childbirth (traumatic births, unplanned c-sections, etc.), unexpected health concerns for your child, and discussing safety concerns in order to keep a child protected. All of these topics can leave a parent wondering, in a world that is full of unexpected changes and factors, how can I keep my child safe?

Keeping a child safe can look different depending on the context and setting that you’re in. Is your child a newborn? You may be trying to keep them safe from illness or unnecessary exposure to germs. Is your child a teenager? You may be trying to keep your teenager safe from cyberbullying or negative peer pressure. In a perfect world, we would be able to provide protection to our children in all settings and at all ages, yet we know this is not always feasible or realistic. Children need exposure to different settings and situations in order to learn how to navigate the world on their own. That said, we can still do our best to protect our children within certain settings, and teach our children how to stay safe. 

Keeping your child safe can include:

• Protecting them from illnesses such as RSV, the Flu, or Covid. Encourage your child to wear a mask whenever they are indoors or in crowded places. Talk with your partner about your stance and choice on vaccinations that can protect your child from respiratory and other illnesses. Remind your child to practice basic hand hygiene whenever they touch others or frequently-touched surfaces. 

• Setting boundaries with friends, family, and loved ones. Our friends and families may have the best intentions for our children, but their intentions may not always be in alignment with our parenting approach. It is important that you relay your expectations to your family members regarding their interactions with your child (no kissing your newborn’s face, asking for consent before hugging your toddler, not making negative comments regarding a challenge your teen is experiencing). If those expectations are not met, then you can decide the level of contact that you’d like to continue to have with this family member. 

• Teaching your child skills for personal safety. While we always strive to do our best to protect our children from physical harm, we know there will be a day when they will need to learn how to keep themselves safe. Whether you choose to enroll your child in a self-defense class, or use daily interactions to teach your child how to assess for danger, preparing your children to keep themselves safe can put some of your worries at ease. 

Additional resources to learn more about child safety can be found here:

• Protecting your child from Covid: https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/coronavirus-young-kids.html

• General safety tips for children: https://www.ahaparenting.com/read/top-safety-tips-kids 

If you find yourself having overwhelming thoughts that your child will be harmed or consistent worries about your child’s health and well-being, you may benefit from speaking to one of our licensed therapists. Parents who have recently welcomed a child into their home can be particularly vulnerable to experiencing a Perinatal Mood Disorder after the delivery of a new child. A mood disorder can significantly affect how often a parent worries for their child’s safety, often to the point of losing sleep or being unable to attune to their child’s needs. Support and information from a mental health provider can begin to reduce a new parent’s concerns and improve their overall mood and attunement. For more information on connecting to one of our licensed therapists, click here. 

All About Anger – Where Anger Stems from and 4 Tools to Keep Handy

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Our current blog series, “All About Anger,” focuses on providing information about anger, myths and facts associated with anger, where anger comes from, and tools and strategies to address anger as an emotion. Understanding where your anger comes from can help you learn more about yourself, and give you insight as to what strategies can help you address anger.

Understanding where your anger stems from may help to identify certain situations, feelings, or things that usually lead to you experiencing anger. These can be considered your triggers, or red flags, and can include the following:

• People that get in the way of you achieving your goals

• Situations that bring up sensitive topics from childhood (ie. someone talking about their child being bullied, not knowing you were also bullied as a child)

• Daily life interactions can be annoying, but the presence of other stressors can make you angry, such as being stuck in traffic or having a family member be inconsiderate of your needs

• Having negative or emotionally charged interactions with others, both in-person and online

• Reading stories or posts about a topic that you strongly disagree with

As you may notice, these situations can occur on a daily basis, and generally are outside of our control. With all of these opportunities to become angry, what can we do to prevent it? Next time you’re feeling angry, try one of the following strategies to see if you can regulate your emotions:

1. Take a step back: If you are actively in a situation that is raising your anger levels, take a step back. Giving yourself a much-needed break from a situation or conversation that is making you angry can help you clear your head before choosing to continue a conversation, or removing yourself from a situation altogether. 

2. Talk to someone you trust: Getting an outside perspective on a problem or issue that is making you angry can help you adjust your thought process and relieve negative feelings. 

3. Take a walk: If it’s difficult for you to take a timeout from a situation without letting your mind wander back to the issue making you angry, redirecting your attention to physical exercise can help you ease your frustrations. 

4. Make a joke: If you appreciate and use humor to break the tension, and the situation is appropriate, making a joke can help you release some of your anger. 

We hope these strategies have widened your options in the way you usually address anger. Not all strategies may work for you, but we encourage you to try the ones that feel right based on your needs and preferences. In our next blog, you will learn more about some long-term options to help address anger. If you need to speak to someone today about how to address your anger, please schedule a free consultation with one of our therapists.

Supporting Our Youth and Their Mental Health: Impact on Adulthood

By Melody Wright, LMFT

As part of our final blog for our Youth Mental Health series, we wanted to share some information on the role that a youth’s mental health can have on their transition into adulthood. The support that our children and teens receive for their mental health will shape the way they will approach future mental health concerns, and their health in general, as they become adults. It is important that we understand the impact we can have on our teens, and the benefits they can experience if we are proactive about providing them with support.

Listening to our youth’s concerns regarding their mental health and providing them with adequate support can show them that we care about them and their needs, and that it is important to prioritize our overall health. Alternatively, not providing support for their mental health can impact their transition into adulthood and how they view their mental health concerns. With appropriate support, our teens can experience the following as they transition into adulthood:

• Reduced stigma and shame as they talk about their Mental Health with others

• Feel encouraged to access mental health services when they feel they are struggling 

• Be willing to support others that share similar struggles or issues with their mental health

• Continue to have an open and honest discussion with you regarding their current needs and areas that need additional support

In addition to adequately addressing their mental health, supporting our youth’s physical, mental, and emotional needs can also help them in the following areas: 

• Developing the ability to engage in healthy friendships and romantic relationships that prioritize their need for a positive environment and support system

• Increase their overall self-esteem

• Increase their ability to independently engage in the healthcare services they need

A teen’s mental health will influence many factors, including their overall self-esteem, willingness to access care, and how they’re able to engage in services that support their needs. It is important that we learn how to best support them in order to positively influence their transition into adulthood. The type of relationship that a teen has with their parents, as well as the support they receive for their mental health, can make a significant impact on how they navigate complex situations, relationships, and other significant life events in adulthood. If you’d like to learn more about how to support your teen or want to get them connected to an experienced mental health provider, click here to schedule an appointment. 

All About Anger – Myth vs. Fact

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Anger is an intense emotion that someone usually feels when someone has wronged them, or something has gone wrong. The emotion can range from mild to intense and can be felt along with other emotions depending on the context (frustration, impatience, sadness, etc.) While anger can be a very normal and natural emotion to feel, there is a lot of misinformation regarding anger and people who experience anger. Below are some myths about anger, as well as some information regarding those myths.

1. Myth: Anger can only be felt as a negative emotion and does not have any value. 
   Fact: Anger can be felt as a result of a positive reason, such as feeling angry over an injustice made toward another or a group of people. It can give you the motivation you need to advocate for positive change or rally for support toward a specific cause. 

2. Myth: We will never be able to change the way we react when we are angry.
   Fact: Our reactions are behaviors that we learned to do over time. Even if we feel like we inherited our anger from our parents, or that we react just like a close family member, we are able to make changes to the way we behave when we’re angry. Additionally, we can learn ways to regulate ourselves so that we are not quick to anger.  

3. Myth: Anger always leads to violence and aggression.
   Fact: Anger can sometimes be felt in a positive context, and does not always lead to someone becoming violent or aggressive. By learning certain skills and strategies, we can learn to adjust or modify our behavior in order to not become violent or aggressive when angry. 

4. Myth: Being angry and aggressive can show others that you are strong and determined.
Fact: Aggression is defined as hostile and violent behavior towards others. Many people have learned that using anger and aggression can help them manipulate others into doing what they want. These behaviors are usually not associated with someone who is strong or determined. That being said, learning how to be assertive can help you gain respect from others without needing to display anger or aggression. 

5. Myth: It is important to always “let out” your anger. 
Fact: There are different ways to manage your anger, and not all of them have to include a physical response to release anger (ie. walking out of your house to scream or hitting a punching bag). These physical displays of anger can lead to increased anger or aggression. There are other strategies that someone can learn to address their anger that reduce these intense emotions, instead of amplifying them.  

While anger can be used productively and felt in a positive context, it can become a problem when it is felt too often, too intensely, and is expressed inappropriately. Experiencing feelings of anger too often can cause increased stress on the body, lead to other emotions such as aggression, and can impact those around us. If you notice that your anger is creating issues for you or those around you, you are not alone. Many people experience challenges when it comes to feeling anger, and we’ll share more information regarding how to address anger in our upcoming blogs. For immediate support, we always encourage our readers to book an appointment with one of our licensed therapists. 

Is This Anxiety or Trauma? Anxious Behaviors vs. Trauma Responses

By Melody Wright, LMFT

When talking about mental health with others, you might notice that some of the signs and symptoms of Anxiety and Trauma may sound very familiar despite stemming from different events or diagnoses. For individuals wanting to learn more about their own mental health, or experiencing symptoms that may be related to anxiety or trauma, it can be very helpful to understand where their current symptoms stem from. This can help us seek and identify resources that will help us address our symptoms, as well as learn new ways to regulate ourselves when we feel overwhelmed or on edge. 

What is Trauma?

The American Psychological Association defines trauma as an “emotional response to a terrible event” such as abuse, community violence, or experiencing significant injury or loss. The symptoms we exhibit after experiencing trauma are directly related to events that happened in our past that did not make us feel safe or put us directly in the middle of unsafe situations. Some of the symptoms that people exhibit after experiencing trauma can include fatigue, feeling sad, and hopeless, experiencing mood swings, and withdrawing from others. Some symptoms can be more severe and can have long-term impacts on an individual, including experiencing consistent flashbacks to a traumatic event, developing panic attacks, sleep problems, or anxiety (also known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder). 

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety can be described as consistent and intense worrying over everyday situations, usually situations that have not yet happened yet. Anxiety sends a message to our brain that we need to do more to prepare for a possible, or upcoming, future event. Some of the physical symptoms that someone can experience when feeling anxious include a fast heart rate, sweating, and rapid breathing. While the causes of anxiety can vary, many people experience anxiety as a result of going through traumatic childhoods or events. 

What Do Anxious Behaviors Look Like?

While anxious behaviors can serve a purpose when they function as part of our body’s defense mechanisms (fight, flight, freeze, etc.), they can create an issue when they occur consistently and at the wrong times. Anxious behaviors can include the following:

• Ongoing feelings of nervousness, restlessness, or feeling “on-edge”

• Feeling irritable

• Experiencing headaches, stomach pains, or other unexplained pains

• Difficulty concentrating or falling/staying asleep

What Do Trauma Responses Look Like?

Traumatic responses are your body’s reaction to trauma. They can include the following:

• Inability to focus or make decisions

• The need to feel guarded or alert at all times

• Flashbacks or constant thoughts of a previous traumatic event

• Being easily startled in settings or situations that do not require you to be on high alert

As you can see from the descriptions and symptoms above, traumatic responses and anxious behaviors can feel similar in the body. The difference between a trauma response and an anxious behavior is where the symptoms are stemming from. Are the symptoms stemming from past events that your body identified as traumatic? Or are they stemming from concerns about future events or events that have not yet taken place (anxiety)? It is also important to know that trauma and anxiety may be connected for some individuals; One can develop anxious behaviors after experiencing traumatic events. 

What Can I Do?

Whether you experience anxious behaviors or trauma responses, it can feel overwhelming to see the impact they can create in our bodies. Know that you are not alone in feeling this way; 1 in 5 people experience anxiety in their lifetime, and 50-60% of people experience at least 1 traumatic event in their lives. Steps toward healing the body can be taken by learning how to regulate ourselves when we start to feel nervous, anxious, fearful, or on edge.

If you find yourself needing support to learn new skills to help you regulate, help address past trauma, or you’re interested in learning more strategies to combat your anxious thoughts, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your traumatic responses and anxious behaviors. Book a phone consultation here today for more information and to get you connected to additional support. 

Signs of “Toxic” Parenting: How you can support your teen

By Melody Wright, LMFT

As part of our current monthly blog series, we’ve learned about the different factors that can contribute to and impact our teen’s mental health. We’ve also learned what warning signs we should look out for that warrant an immediate connection to a Mental Health professional, as well as what resources to tap into if we suspect that our teen is struggling with their Mental Health. While many of these factors can be created by situations that we have little control over, such as school stressors or peer pressure from friends, some factors can come as a direct result of our interactions as parents.

Many parents are unaware of the ways in which their parenting style or approach may be impacting their teens. Although at times unintentional, certain parenting approaches may negatively impact a teen’s mental and emotional health. Some of the behaviors that negatively impact a teen’s mental health, which at times are labeled as “toxic,” can include:

• Yelling, name-calling, or consistently assigning blame

• Using the “silent treatment” as punishment or gaslighting others to avoid accepting responsibility

• Manipulating emotions by using guilt or shame

• Being overly critical, invading privacy, or attempting to control all aspects of your teen’s life

• Lacking boundaries

Some of these behaviors can be more easily identified than others. While yelling can be easy to recognize, assigning blame or “gaslighting” can be harder to acknowledge or point out. We also know that some of these behaviors may have been learned from our own parents or cultures, which makes it difficult to recognize that they may not be appropriate, or difficult to understand why we shouldn’t use them with our own children.  

Many of us can remember certain statements, actions, or behaviors that our parents or guardians used to exhibit that made us sad, frustrated, or angry. Over time, constant exposure to these behaviors can severely impact a person’s mental health. On the contrary, exposure to empathetic and supportive behaviors can improve their mental health, and foster a relationship that can make it easier for our teens to reach out to us when they need help. These behaviors include, but are not limited to, the following:

• Spending one-on-one time with your teen. This can help provide you with the time and space you need to talk to your teen about what is going on in their lives. Over time, your teen may feel comfortable enough to explain what may be impacting their Mental Health. 

• Listening to your child when they share there is something wrong, and not jumping to solutions or conclusions without discussing it with them first. 

• Having empathy for what your child is going through. While you may not understand why your child feels so strongly about a certain event or circumstance, it is important that you understand and care about what they’re experiencing. 

• Being kind, clear, and consistent when it comes to your teen’s need for privacy and boundaries. 

• Providing your teen with a sense of autonomy and respecting their space. 

• When emotions are high, setting a different time to have a conversation can help minimize the likelihood that you or your child will speak out of anger. Yelling, cursing, or using behaviors such as the silent treatment, are not conducive to having a productive conversation and can lead to hurt feelings. When you create a safe space to speak to your child, you increase your chances of having a more positive outcome. 

Our ability to regulate our emotions, respect our teen’s space, approach their needs in a respectful manner, and have open and honest conversations with them can positively impact our relationship with our teen, as well as their overall Mental Health. If you’d like to learn more about how to adjust your parenting approach to better fit your child’s needs, or are in need of support with your own Mental health, please reach out to us by scheduling a phone consultation. 

Depression: Symptoms, Treatment and Changes in the Brain

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Depression, What Is It?

Depression is a serious (but common) medical illness that affects how someone feels, thinks, and acts. In general, depression causes feelings of sadness and an overall loss of interest in activities that you may have previously enjoyed. Depression impacts each person differently and may even look different at various stages of your life.  The length of time someone may experience depression can also vary from person to person; Some people may be able to overcome their depression within a matter of months while others may take longer. No matter what someone’s journey with depression may look like, it is important to be able to recognize the symptoms and the effects that it has on the body. Some of the symptoms related to depression vary from mild to severe, and can include the following:

• Changes in appetite

• Loss of energy

• Feeling fatigued

• Difficulty concentrating

• Feeling sad

• Trouble sleeping or too much sleep

• Thoughts of worthlessness, guilt, or suicidality

What Does Depression Do to the Brain?

While many associate only emotional or mental symptoms with depression, research states that it may also impact our brain. There is still much to be learned about the specific areas of the brain that are affected by depression, and how much they are affected. However, there is growing evidence that different parts of the brain may shrink, change in structure, and/or become inflamed in people with depression. These changes in the brain can lead to problems with memory, learning, and overall mood. Scientists are not yet sure if these changes have the potential to be permanent, but there is hope that treatment may help prevent or ease some of the changes that happen to the brain.

What Treatment Exists for Depression?

Treatment for depression can consist of a wide variety of approaches that may have more eastern or western influences when it comes to holistic and full-body healing. The more mainstream, and therefore more common approaches primarily consists of two options, therapy and medication. Depending on what works best to address an individual’s symptoms, therapy and medication can be used individually or in combination as part of their treatment plan. Therapeutic approaches for depression may include:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) 

• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

• Holistic and Somatic (body-based) Psychotherapy

Medications for depression, also known as antidepressants, primarily work by increasing chemical levels in the brain called neurotransmitters. These neurotransmitters are linked to mood and emotions. Antidepressants address different symptoms, and usually fall within the following categories:

• SSRI’s: Addresses symptoms of depression and anxiety

• Antidepressants: Addresses symptoms of depression and may help with other chronic conditions

• Anxiolytic: Addresses anxiety, tension, and may promote sleep

• Antipsychotic: Addresses symptoms of certain psychiatric conditions

When therapy and/or medication are used as treatment to address someone’s depression, research shows that it can reduce inflammation in the brain that was originally caused by depression.  Engaging in therapeutic interventions may also help form new synaptic connections in the brain that were affected by depression. This can help an individual experience a drastic improvement in their overall mood and energy levels. No matter what your treatment plan looks like, addressing your symptoms with therapy or medication can help begin to minimize the toll that depression can take on the body.

I’m Not Sure How to Get Started…Where Can I Get Help?

In order to properly address depression, it is important that you speak to your doctor, therapist, and/or psychiatrist to find the treatment approach, or approaches, that work best for you. For individuals who would like to explore taking medication, it’s important to learn the side-effects that may be associated with each medication, and understand that it may take time to find the right medication for their individual needs. If you or a loved one is currently experiencing symptoms of depression, our therapists at Life by Design would be happy to connect with you and help guide the journey to healing and improved Mental Health. Click here for more information.