Self Care Checklist: 8 Ways to Replenish Your Mental and Emotional Reserves
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Are you feeling overwhelmed and stressed?
Maybe you’re even feeling like you’re at a breaking point where it’s difficult to focus or stay motivated throughout your day.
If this is you, I want to ask you a question.
What have you done for you lately?
Now, I’m not talking about those moments when you binge the latest TV series. I’m talking about intentional connection with yourself and well-being.
For many of us, this is a difficult thing to do. We live in a world where hustle culture is viewed as a success, and devoting all our time and energy to raising our kids is the model of a good parent. But what good is it if the hustle and bustle drains, overwhelms, and stresses us out? Imagine trying to water a garden with an empty watering can. No matter how much you want to help the plants grow, you can't give what you don't have.
First, please know that life doesn’t have to be this way.
Taking the time to nurture yourself and fill your cup will enhance your ability to cope with stress, improve your relationships, and cultivate a life you love. Let’s talk about some ways you can fill your cup and restore your well-being.
8 Ways to Replenish Your Mental and Emotional Reserves
We’ve discussed why it’s important to make time for yourself but how or what can you do to engage in connecting with your internal self and experience a sense of balance?
Let’s talk about it.
Alone Time: When was the last time you spent intentional time alone? Spending time alone can help you recharge and reconnect with yourself. It allows you to reflect on your thoughts and feelings without external distractions. Whether it’s a solo walk, a quiet morning with your coffee, or an hour spent on a hobby, alone time is a great way to support a balanced and peaceful state of mind.
Nature: Connecting with nature has been shown to lower levels of anxiety and depression, making it a powerful tool for emotional well-being. Spending time outdoors, whether it's a walk in the park, a hike in the mountains, or simply sitting in your backyard, can significantly reduce stress and improve your mood. If you would like to learn more about how nature can support your mental health, check out our blog on Ecotherapy.
Creation: Engaging in creative activities can be very fulfilling and therapeutic in many ways. It can be anything from painting, cooking, writing, pottery, or playing an instrument. Creating something with your hands can boost your mood and provide a sense of accomplishment. Participating in creative activities allows you to express yourself, process emotions, and escape the daily stressors.
Nourishment: Yes, it’s true, you need more than a protein bar and a cup of coffee to fuel your body well. Eating a balanced diet can improve your energy levels and overall health. Nourishment directly impacts your mood, energy levels, and mental clarity, making it a key piece for both physical and emotional health. Also, don’t forget to drink your water!
Movement: Find ways to move your body that you enjoy! Whether it’s yoga, running, dancing, or simply walking, movement can reduce stress, and boost your mood. It releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters and help reduce symptoms of stress and overwhelm. Remember, you don’t have to push yourself to the limit but find joy in the movement that you choose.
Connection: Human connection is vital! Building meaningful connections provides emotional support which can reduce feelings of loneliness, and enhance your overall happiness. Spend quality time with loved ones, whether it’s a family dinner, a coffee date with a friend, or a phone call with someone you care about. If you would like to read more about the importance of connection, check out our blog on Mindfulness & Relationships.
Reflection: Pausing to reflect can support you in understanding your emotions, learning from your experiences, and making more mindful decisions, which can contribute to better mental health. Journaling is a great way to take all the things in your mind and give it a different home. It can be a powerful tool, helping you process your emotions and gain insights into your life. Mindfulness and meditation practices can also aid in quieting your mind and enhancing self-awareness.
Rest: This is the cornerstone of self-care and self-love. Creating a good sleep routine can improve your overall sleep quality. You’ll want to aim for 7-9 hours of sleep each night. Remember, it’s okay to take a break and rest during the day if you’re feeling overwhelmed. There is nothing wrong with a nap to help rejuvenate your body and mind. Quality rest is crucial for maintaining mental clarity, emotional stability, and even physical health.
Final Thoughts
Remember, self-care is a personal journey, and what works for one person may not work for another. Listen to your body, honor your needs, and make self-care a priority in your life. When your reserves are replenished, you are better equipped to handle the challenges life throws your way. By allowing yourself the space to rest and reflect you’re giving yourself the opportunity to live a more balanced and fulfilling life. If you’re struggling with stress and feeling burnt out, consider choosing one of the strategies and do something that’s just for you!
This weeks affirmations
Reflection allows me to understand my emotions and make mindful decisions.
I deserve to take time for myself and recharge my mind and body.
Prioritizing my well-being helps me show up as my best self for my loved ones.
Spending intentional time alone helps me connect with my true self.
Resting and taking breaks are essential for my overall health and clarity.
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in learning more about self-growth check out these books below:
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff
Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
Is It Time for Therapy? 10 Signs You Shouldn't Ignore
By Melody Wright, LMFT
In the world we live in, it's easy to let mental health take a backseat to daily responsibilities. The demands of work, family, and social commitments can leave little room for self-care, and many people are struggling to prioritize their mental well-being.
However, just as we regularly check in on our physical health, it’s equally important to pay attention to where we’re at mentally too. Therapy can be a powerful tool for maintaining mental health, offering a safe space to explore emotions, develop coping strategies, and encourage personal growth. Recognizing when it’s time to seek therapy is a crucial step towards a healthier, happier life.
10 Signs It’s Time to Start Therapy
Persistent Feelings of Sadness or Hopelessness: It's normal to feel sad from time to time, especially in response to life's challenges and losses. However, when feelings of sadness or hopelessness persist for weeks or months without a clear cause, it might be more than just a temporary phase. These persistent feelings can be indicators of depression. Depression can significantly impact your quality of life and therapy can help uncover underlying issues contributing to these emotions. Therapy can also provide strategies for managing the symptoms of depression effectively so you can begin living a more fulfilled life.
Excessive Worry or Anxiety: Worrying occasionally is a part of being human, but when worry becomes excessive and uncontrollable, it can be debilitating. Some anxiety disorders are characterized by chronic anxiety, excessive worry, and fear that interfere with daily activities. If you find yourself consistently on edge, experiencing panic attacks, or avoiding situations due to fear, it might be time to seek help. Therapy can offer valuable tools and techniques to manage anxiety effectively, such as relaxation techniques, and mindfulness practices. If you would like to learn more about Mindfulness practices and how they can help with anxiety, check out our e-book, The Mind-Body Toolkit.
Difficulty Managing Stress: Stress is an inevitable part of life, but it becomes problematic when it feels overwhelming and unmanageable. Chronic stress can take a toll on your mental and physical health, leading to symptoms like headaches, insomnia, and a weakened immune system. It can also affect your mood, causing irritability, depression, and anxiety. A therapist can help you develop healthy ways to handle stress, build resilience, and create a more balanced life.
Physical Symptoms Without a Clear Cause: Sometimes, mental health issues can manifest as physical symptoms. If you experience unexplained aches and pains, frequent headaches, or gastrointestinal problems without a medical diagnosis, it might be worth considering therapy. These physical symptoms can be a sign of underlying emotional distress. A therapist skilled in Somatic interventions can help you explore potential psychological factors contributing to your physical discomfort and develop strategies to address them. By treating the root cause, you may find relief from both the emotional and physical symptoms. If you're interested in learning more about Somatic therapy, you'll want to read our blog "A Guide to Somatic Therapy and It's Techniques".
Loss of Interest in Activities: When you no longer find joy in activities you once enjoyed, it can be a sign of depression or even burnout. This loss of interest can affect various aspects of your life, from hobbies to social interactions, and can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Therapy can help you explore these feelings and work towards rediscovering your passions.
Difficulty in Relationships: Relationships are fundamental to our well-being, but they can also be complex. If you find yourself struggling in your relationships with family, friends, or colleagues, therapy might be beneficial. Issues such as constant conflict, feelings of disconnection, or difficulty communicating can strain relationships and lead to significant stress. Therapy can help improve your interpersonal skills, support you with communication breakdowns, and cultivate healthier relationships. A therapist can provide a neutral space to discuss these issues and work towards resolving conflicts and building stronger connections. For more information on Couples Therapy, check out our blog on How Couples Therapy Can Strengthen Relationships.
Traumatic Experiences: Experiencing a traumatic event, whether recent or in the past, can have lasting effects on your mental health. Trauma can manifest in various ways, including flashbacks, nightmares, and a heightened state of alertness. But it can also manifest as responses to life and relational stressors. Therapists trained in trauma-informed interventions can offer specialized approaches to help you heal. By working through the trauma in a supportive environment, you can begin to regulate your nervous system and begin to thrive again. If you're looking for regulation tools, check out our Therapist Top Product page!
Substance Abuse: Using alcohol or drugs to cope with emotions or stress can be a sign of deeper issues. Substance abuse often masks underlying mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety, that need to be addressed. Therapy can help you understand and overcome addiction, offering healthier coping mechanisms and support for long-term recovery. A therapist can work with you to uncover the root causes of your substance use and develop a plan to address both the addiction and any underlying issues.
Feeling Overwhelmed by Responsibilities: When life's responsibilities become too much to handle and you feel constantly overwhelmed, it might be time to seek help. Balancing work, family, and personal commitments can be challenging, and it's easy to feel like you're drowning in obligations. This is a very common thing! A therapist can assist in prioritizing tasks, setting realistic goals, and finding balance in your life.
Lack of Self-Esteem: Low self-esteem and self-worth can affect every aspect of your life, from personal relationships to career success. If you struggle with negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy, therapy can help build a more positive self-image and improve your confidence. A therapist can work with you to challenge negative beliefs, develop self-compassion, and create a healthier sense of self-worth. By improving your self-esteem, you can enhance your overall well-being and create a more fulfilling life.
Final Thoughts
We want to remind you that recognizing the need for therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to acknowledge that you need help and to take steps towards improving your mental health. Our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy offer a supportive and non-judgmental space where you can explore your emotions, develop coping strategies, and work toward the personal growth you desire.
If any of the signs mentioned resonate with you, consider reaching out to a therapist. You can CLICK HERE to schedule a free phone consultation with our coordinator today!
Affirmations
Each step I take in therapy is a step towards a healthier and happier me.
I trust the process of therapy and the positive changes it will bring to my life.
I am strong enough to face my challenges and seek the help I need.
I embrace the opportunity to learn more about myself and my emotions.
I am capable of transforming my challenges into opportunities for growth.
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in learning more about the benefits of therapy and self-growth check out these books below:
"Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach
“On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy” by Carl R. Rogers
"The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Picture this: You're sitting in the waiting room, nervously tapping your foot as you await your first therapy session. Thoughts race through your mind like a whirlwind—what will you say? Will you be judged? Can this stranger (I mean your therapist 😜) truly help you unravel what you've been carrying for so long?
If you've ever felt this mix of anticipation and apprehension, you're not alone. Stepping into therapy for the first time is brave and commendable, even so, it's also perfectly normal to feel uneasy about what lies ahead. But what exactly is therapy? Therapy is a space where you have the freedom to embrace every part of yourself. It is a safe space, a collaborative journey, where you can navigate and heal from emotional and psychological experiences to find greater peace, self-worth, and self-love.
When you find a therapist you’re comfortable with, they can support you as you navigate the things that are causing your system to get dysregulated by stress, overwhelm, and trauma. It might look like just talking with your therapist as they ask questions to bring more awareness to your situation or a body-based therapist may walk you through breathing exercises or mindfulness activities to help bring awareness to what your body might be communicating. There is no right way to do therapy. Your therapist is there to support you, guide you, and create a safe environment for you.
**If you would like to learn more about Mindfulness activities, check out our e-book, The Mind-Body Toolkit!
So what happens during your first therapy session? What should you expect? While every therapist is different, we’ll walk you through what you might experience.
Building Safety and Trust:
Insights from Our Therapists' First Sessions
At Life By Design Therapy, our primary goal is to create a sense of safety. Starting therapy often means working with a dysregulated nervous system, which can result from life events that have significantly impacted you. These disruptions can lead to anxiety, depression, boundary issues, and communication breakdowns, often stemming from trauma. When our minds and bodies encounter these disruptions, our nervous system can become dysregulated.
In your first session with a Life By Design therapist, you will be supported in creating a safe environment for yourself and your nervous system. In the initial part of the work, including your first session, our therapists will help you become aware of the signals your body might be sending, guiding you toward a more regulated state for your mind and body.
How to Get the Most Of Therapy
Entering therapy for the first time can be intimidating. You're opening yourself up to vulnerability and introspection, which can be both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. To help you make the most of your therapeutic journey, here are some dos and don'ts to keep in mind:
Ask Questions: Therapy is a collaborative process, and it's okay to seek clarification or express curiosity about the therapeutic approach being used, the goals of therapy, or any other aspect of the process that you're unsure about.
Have Realistic Expectations: Therapy isn't a quick fix, and progress often takes time. Be patient with yourself and the process. Celebrate small victories along the way, and trust that growth and change are happening, even if they're not immediately apparent. Remember healing is not a linear process.
Be Compassionate with Yourself: Therapy can stir up intense emotions, and it's important to be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend going through a challenging time.
Commit to the Process: Consistency is key in therapy. Attend your sessions regularly and engage wholeheartedly in the process. Remember, real change often happens outside of the therapy room as you apply insights and strategies to your daily life.
Don’t Expect Instant Solutions Or Advice: Therapy is about finding answers within. It isn’t like coaching where they give you all the answers. Trust in the process and give yourself the time and space to grow.
Honor Your Journey: Each person's therapeutic journey is unique, and progress looks different for everyone. Do your best not to compare yourself to others or measure your success based on someone else's standards. Therapy is about focusing on what’s best for you.
Embrace Your Imperfections: Therapy isn't about achieving perfection or fixing all your problems. It's about embracing your imperfections, learning from your experiences, and moving towards greater self-awareness and acceptance.
What To Expect During Your First Session
Review of Paperwork: Just like with any healthcare provider, you will fill out new client paperwork either before your appointment or at the office before meeting with your therapist. After introductions are made, your therapist will review the consent forms, any initial questionnaires, or other important paperwork. While this part may seem a bit mundane, it's important to understand the expectations and also empower yourself with all the information you'll need about working with your therapist and the therapy process.
Discuss What's Bringing You In: Your therapist will ask questions to expand the discussion on why you've chosen to seek therapy. Whether it's struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or simply feeling lost and overwhelmed, this is your opportunity to express what's been weighing on you. They might even want to know about any symptoms you’re experiencing, such as physical symptoms, how often you're experiencing those symptoms, and the timing of your symptoms. Remember, there's no judgment here—your therapist is here to listen and support you.
Setting Goals: You’ll talk about what you hope to achieve in therapy. These goals might be short-term or long-term, specific or more general. Maybe you want to learn healthy coping mechanisms for stress, improve communication skills in your relationships, or gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Your therapist will help you clarify and refine these goals as you progress.
What to Expect for Yourself: Something you might not anticipate is that therapy might be emotionally draining, especially if you’re a person who tends to hold in emotions. We want you to know that this is normal. It's okay to feel vulnerable, and it's okay if the floodgates of emotion open unexpectedly.
Final Thoughts
Starting therapy is a courageous step towards understanding and healing yourself. While the journey may be emotionally, physically, and mentally draining at times, it is also filled with opportunities for profound growth and transformation. By embracing vulnerability, setting clear goals, and building a trusting relationship with your therapist, you pave the way for meaningful change.
As you move forward, hold onto the knowledge that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You are taking steps towards reclaiming control over your mental health and overall well-being. Celebrate your courage and commitment, knowing that you are not alone on this journey—your therapist is there to guide and support you every step of the way.
At Life By Design Therapy, we specialize in Holistic and Somatic Therapy because we believe in seeing people healed in their mind, body, and spirit. Your body possesses the capacity to signal distress, store trauma, and manifest symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and physical ailments. At Life By Design Therapy, we are dedicated to helping you understand your body's messages and supporting you as you learn to navigate and thrive.
If you’re in California and ready to start your therapy journey, schedule a phone consultation with our Coordinator to pair you with a therapist that best fits your needs. CLICK HERE to schedule.
Affirmations For Starting therapy
I am taking a courageous step towards healing and self-discovery.
I deserve to invest in my mental health and well-being.
It is okay to seek help and support; I am not alone in this journey.
Each therapy session brings me closer to understanding and accepting myself.
I am patient with myself as I grow and heal through this process
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in learning more about the benefits of therapy and self-growth check out these books below:
“On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy” by Carl R. Rogers
"The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk
"Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
Navigating Anxiety Together: A Guide for Supporting Your Partner
By Melody Wright, LMFT
In the complex dynamics of relationships, we might find ourselves stepping into roles that require not just love and companionship but also patience, understanding, and support. If your partner struggles with anxiety, it might feel like you both are navigating through rough seas, where every wave of worry and fear has the potential to disrupt the stability of your relationship.
Anxiety comes in various forms and it can cast a shadow over even the brightest moments you both share, leaving both partners feeling isolated and uncertain.
However, even in relationships where anxiety is present, there lies an opportunity for deeper connection and growth. By learning how to support your partner with their anxiety effectively, you not only have the ability to strengthen the foundation of your relationship but also foster an environment of trust, empathy, and resilience. In this blog, we'll discuss ten ways to support your partner through their anxiety by focusing on understanding and kindness.
Supporting Your Partner
Supporting an anxious partner requires patience, empathy, and a genuine desire to comfort and encourage them. It means understanding their anxiety deeply and being there to provide comfort when they're feeling distressed. Patience helps you navigate their emotions gently, while empathy allows you to connect with their inner feelings of fear and worry. Most importantly, it involves a strong commitment to stand by their side, offering reassurance through all the challenges they face. So how can you do this?
Ground Yourself: To be present, listen, and have empathy for your partner you need to find ways to ground yourself before attempting. For those who experience anxiety, it can creep up suddenly, so being prepared to regulate yourself is essential to supporting your partner through it. You can support yourself with daily meditation, self-care practices, and deep breathing.
Engage in Active Listening: It’s important to encourage your partner to express their feelings and concerns. However, as you listen it’s also important to show empathy and understanding by actively listening to what they have to say and holding a non-judgmental space for them. Here's a brief example of active listening in a relationship:
Partner A: "I had a really tough day at work. My boss criticized my project in front of the whole team."
Partner B: "That sounds really challenging. It must have been frustrating to receive criticism like that. How did you handle it?
In this example, Partner B actively listens to Partner A's experience, acknowledges their feelings, and encourages further discussion by asking an open-ended question.
Validate Their Feelings: As you engage in active listening let your partner know that it's okay to feel anxious and that their feelings are valid. Be aware to avoid dismissing or minimizing their emotions.
Offer Reassurance: Provide verbal reassurance that you are there for them and that they are not alone in dealing with their anxiety. Remind them of their strengths and previous successes in managing anxiety.
Educate Yourself About Anxiety: Learning about anxiety disorders, their symptoms, and their triggers will only give you a deeper understanding of what your partner is going through and can help you provide better support.
Encourage Self-Care: For those who experience anxiety, their nervous systems can become dysregulated easily. Help your partner prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, proper nutrition, sufficient sleep, and relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation. This is important for nervous system regulation and reducing anxiety episodes.
Be Patient and Understanding: Recognize that anxiety can be overwhelming and may affect your partner's behavior and mood. Be patient with them and try to remain calm during moments of heightened anxiety.
Avoid Criticism: Do your best to refrain from criticizing or blaming your partner for their anxiety. Instead, focus on offering constructive feedback and support.
Encourage Professional Help: You might suggest seeking help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in treating anxiety disorders. Your partner might feel supported if you offer to accompany them to their therapy sessions.
Practice Mindfulness Together: Engage in activities that promote mindfulness, such as yoga or guided meditation. These practices can help both of you manage stress and anxiety more effectively and cultivate a deeper relationship with each other.
Maintain Open Communication: Encourage open and honest communication in your relationship. Check in with your partner regularly to see how they're feeling and what support they may need. Let them know that they can always come to you for help and guidance.
Final Thoughts
We understand that relationships of all kinds are unique. Navigating the complexities of relationships can be challenging and as the other side of the relationship, you might find that you would like support as well. For those who might be experiencing breakdowns in communication, trust issues, or just need someone to bounce thoughts off of, consider speaking with a skilled clinician. Your wellbeing contributes to the wellbeing of your relationship and if you would like support, reach out to one of our therapists today. You can CLICK HERE to schedule a free phone consultation.
Affirmations for Anxiety
"I am calm, centered, and in control of my thoughts and emotions."
"I trust in my ability to overcome challenges and face uncertainty with courage."
"I am worthy of peace and relaxation, and I deserve to prioritize my mental well-being."
"I release all tension and fear from my mind and body, allowing tranquility to flow through me."
"I am safe and secure in this present moment, and I trust in the journey ahead."
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on anxiety and how to support someone with anxiety, check out these books below:
"Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast" by Barry McDonagh
"My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind" by Scott Stossel
"Loving Someone with Anxiety: Understanding and Helping Your Partner" by Kate N. Thieda MS LPCA NCC
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosurehere.
The Journey Within: 10 Ways to Conquer Self-Doubt
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Do you ever find yourself wrestling with doubts about your abilities, worth, or place in the world? If you answered “yes”, we want you to know that you're not alone. Self-doubt is a common experience that can plague even the most confident people. It has the ability to cast shadows of uncertainty on our thoughts and actions. Yet, you have the potential for profound transformation—a journey from self-doubt to self-love.
In this blog post, we'll explore some actionable steps to replace self-doubt with confidence and self-love. Whether you're grappling with fleeting moments of insecurity or facing persistent doubts that overshadow your life, this blog will support the path toward greater self-compassion, resilience, and inner peace.
From Doubt To Empowerment
This journey from having negative thoughts or self-doubt to embracing an empowered mindset is something that requires commitment to self-awareness, self-compassion, and mindful actions geared toward cultivating a positive self-image. It’s not about erasing all doubts overnight but rather about developing inner resilience and self-acceptance to navigate through them with grace when they arise. Here are some essential steps to guide you through this transformation process.
Acknowledge Your Self-Doubt: The first step in transforming self-doubt is to become aware of it and acknowledge it. This self-awareness will support you in recognizing when self-doubt comes through and how it manifests in your thoughts and behaviors.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would treat a close friend. Hold a non-judgmental space and allow self-compassion to come through. This allows you to be gentle with yourself when facing difficult situations or perceived failures. Instead of harsh self-criticism, offer yourself words of encouragement and support.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Pay attention to your inner dialogue and challenge negative self-talk. When you notice yourself doubting your abilities or worth, counter those thoughts with positive affirmations and realistic perspectives. Remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and past successes. You can say things such as, “It’s ok, I can handle it better next time”, or “I can”.
Set Realistic Goals: Break down your goals into smaller, achievable steps. Setting realistic goals helps prevent feelings of overwhelm and inadequacy. Celebrate each milestone you reach, no matter how small, because every step contributes to your growth and progress.
Stop the Comparison: Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your personal growth and development. Remember that everyone is at a different stage in life, everyone was raised differently, carries different perspectives, and has different obstacles in their life. Embrace your journey of continuous improvement, knowing that progress takes time and effort. Cultivate a growth mindset that views challenges as opportunities for learning and self-discovery.
Practice Gratitude: Keep gratitude at the forefront of your mind by acknowledging the positive aspects of your life. Reflect on the things you appreciate about yourself and your experiences. Gratitude helps shift your perspective from what you lack to what you already have, which will help foster self-love and contentment.
Engage in Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This could include exercise, healthy eating, relaxation techniques, hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or seeking professional support when needed. Taking care of yourself demonstrates self-love and reinforces your worthiness of care and attention. This step will also help you discover things that make YOU happy rather than following the outside influences telling you what will make you happy.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, or mentors who uplift and encourage you. Seek out positive influences that affirm your worth and capabilities. Having this strong support system can boost your confidence and help you navigate through moments of doubt.
Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: Cultivate mindfulness through practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or mindfulness exercises. Mindfulness helps you observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment, allowing you to develop greater self-awareness and acceptance. Over time, mindfulness can reduce the intensity of self-doubt and foster a greater sense of inner peace and acceptance.
Seek Professional Help if Needed: If self-doubt significantly impacts your daily life or mental health, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. Therapy can help you get to the root of where your negative self-talk might come from and provide you with tools and strategies to address the underlying issues, build self-esteem, and cultivate self-love in a safe and supportive environment. You might find that narrative therapy, holistic therapy, and somatic therapy can be especially supportive for boosting self-esteem.
Final Thoughts
We want you to remember that transforming self-doubt and negative self-talk into self-love is a gradual process that requires patience, persistence, and self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself as you walk out this journey of self-discovery and growth. If you find that you are interested in therapy to support this journey, consider meeting with one of our skilled clinicians here at Life By Design Therapy. Our therapists specialize in Holistic and Somatic Therapy and they are ready to customize your care within a secure environment. Click HERE to schedule a free consultation today.
Affirmations for Self-Doubt
"I am capable of overcoming any challenges that come my way."
"I trust in my ability to make sound decisions."
"I am deserving of success and happiness."
"I recognize my strengths and value my unique qualities."
"I choose to believe in myself, even when faced with uncertainty."
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on growing your confidence, check out these books below:
"Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff
"Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach
“The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself" by Michael A. Singer
"Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ" by Daniel Goleman
"Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear" by Elizabeth Gilbert
"The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment" by Eckhart Tolle
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.
Mindfulness and Relationships: How Being Present Can Strengthen Connections
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Life seems to demand so much of us lately, and in the midst of our busy lives, the essence of being fully present in the moment often gets lost. It’s no secret that our world is digitally-driven and because of that we might find ourselves continually multitasking with our minds racing from one thing to another. This lack of mindfulness can take a toll on various aspects of our lives, including our relationships. In this blog, we'll explore the significant impact mindfulness can have on relationships and how cultivating this practice can strengthen the connections we share with others.
The Importance of Mindfulness in Relationships
If you’re unsure of what practicing mindfulness is, it’s the art of being fully engaged in the present moment, free of judgment. This means that your awareness is brought to what is happening right in front of you free of labels, criticism, or evaluation of what you are experiencing. It involves accepting things as they are, without the interference of preconceived thoughts or opinions.
When we apply mindfulness to our relationships, it becomes a powerful tool that can transform the way we connect with others and even ourselves. Distractions are abundant, however, if we allow ourselves to engage in the present within our relationships we can bring our attention back to the here and now which cultivates a deeper and more meaningful connection.
The Role of Mindful Communication
Communication is the foundation of any secure relationship and by incorporating mindfulness we can significantly enhance the quality of our communication by promoting active listening and genuine engagement. Oftentimes, we might find ourselves formulating a response in our minds while the other person is speaking, leading to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for connection.
Mindful communication involves truly listening to the other person, absorbing their words, responding thoughtfully, and gently communicating any misunderstanding. By being fully present in the conversation, there is respect that is demonstrated creating an environment where both people feel heard and understood. When we are fully engaged in the conversation it can dissolve conflicts, strengthen emotional bonds, and create a deeper sense of intimacy.
Mindfulness in Conflict Resolution
Every relationship faces challenges, and conflicts are inevitable. However, how we navigate and resolve these conflicts can make a significant difference in the strength of our connections. Mindfulness equips us with the ability to approach conflicts with a calm and centered mindset.
When conflicts come up, you can take a moment to breathe and center yourself before responding, by doing this you can support in preventing impulsive reactions that may further exacerbate the situation.
We all want our emotions and thoughts to be acknowledged and validated. If you practice mindfulness, it can allow you to acknowledge your emotions without being overwhelmed by them. If we engage with overwhelming emotions during a conflict it tends to get messy. However, by being fully present in the process, you can understand the other person's perspective and work together towards a solution that strengthens your relationship with them.
Cultivating Empathy Through Mindfulness
Have you ever desired that someone could just read your mind? They would know exactly what you need at that moment, right? Unfortunately, that isn’t reality, however, cultivating empathy, could be that component you’re looking for. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. The practice of mindfulness plays a major role in learning to cultivate empathy by encouraging us to step into the shoes of those that we love and experience their emotions with an open heart.
When you’re present with them it allows you to pick up on the subtle cues, both verbal and non-verbal, that the other person might be giving off. This heightened awareness allows you to respond with compassion and understanding. By doing this you create a supportive and nurturing environment within the relationship you care about.
Nurturing Self-Awareness for Better Relationships
Mindfulness is not only about being attuned to others but also about developing self-awareness. Being able to understand your own thoughts, emotions, and reactions is fundamental to building secure relationships. When we are mindful of our own internal landscape, we can navigate the intricacies of our relationships more effectively.
Through mindfulness practices such as meditation and self-reflection, you can gain perspective into your own patterns and emotional triggers. If you allow yourself to cultivate this self-awareness, it can empower you to break free from habits that might stifle you and make room for personal growth.
Final Thoughts
The practice of mindfulness offers a holistic remedy for the challenges we face in our relationships. By cultivating a present and mindful approach to life, we can enhance communication, navigate conflicts with grace, and create a deeper sense of empathy and connection with the world around us. Mindfulness is not just a personal journey but it affects the experiences we encounter on a daily basis and can transform the dynamics of relationships, making them more resilient, fulfilling, and secure.
If you find that you need support navigating mindfulness or your relationships, consider speaking with a holistic therapist. Holistic therapists offer their support to engage your mind, body, and spirit. CLICK HERE to schedule a phone consultation with one of our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy today!
Affirmations for Cultivating Mindful Relationships
I approach conversations with openness and curiosity, seeking to understand rather than to be understood.
I am fully present in this moment, giving my undivided attention to the person in front of me.
I release judgment and cultivate compassion, allowing others and myself the space to grow and evolve.
I am committed to self-awareness, recognizing and understanding my own emotions and patterns for the benefit of our connection.
I express gratitude for the shared moments, big and small, that contribute to the strength and depth of our relationship.
Additional Resources
"The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" by Gary Chapman
"Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg
"Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear" by Elizabeth Gilbert
"Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff
"Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach
Mindful Limits: The Connection Between Boundaries and Self-Compassion
By Melody Wright, LMFT
In the hustle culture of life, where demands seem endless and the pace is relentless, the concept of boundaries is becoming more and more prevalent. When many of us hear the word boundaries we probably consider them as a strategy for creating physical space, yet they go beyond just that. Have you ever considered that boundaries are a way to show yourself compassion or that utilizing boundaries is a form of self-care?
Not only do boundaries have the ability to create physical space, but they also create mental and emotional space as well. Boundaries can also be utilized when cultivating a secure relationship with yourself. In this blog, we will explore the ways to mindfully incorporate boundaries into every aspect of your life.
Understanding Boundaries Through a Mindful Lens
Cultivating mindfulness establishes an awareness that will support you in every aspect of your life. Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and aware of the current moment. We call it a practice because, with every new adventure or obstacle in life, you will find that in new seasons you might need to shift the way you approach things. When living mindfully you will find that creating limits, such as boundaries, involves a conscious and deliberate approach. And to be honest, it’s not always easy. You will begin to learn your limits, where to place the boundaries, or where to let things slide, however, It’s all about finding balance within yourself.
SELF-DISCOVERY Through Mindful Boundaries
Mindfulness encourages self-awareness, which enables you to recognize your needs, desires, and limits. When you take the time to reflect on personal values, preferences, and places of comfort, you’re able to start creating boundaries that reflect your authentic self. This process of self-discovery is actually an act of self-compassion. By acknowledging your unique qualities you start to value them enough to protect and nurture them which in turn is acknowledging how valuable you are.
Compassion in Saying “NO”
Setting boundaries often involves saying 'no' to certain demands, commitments, or situations, which can be challenging for many people. When you evaluate the situation and determine that it doesn’t align with your needs or find that you don’t have the mental, emotional, or physical capacity to fulfill the demand, this 'no' becomes an act of self-compassion rather than a rejection. By mindfully saying 'no', you communicate that your well-being is a priority, cultivating a sense of self-respect and self-love.
Balancing Empathy and Boundaries
Empathy is a cornerstone of compassion, both towards others and oneself. Cultivating mindful boundaries creates a balance between empathy and self-preservation, showing that you can be compassionate without sacrificing your personal well-being. For those naturally inclined towards empathy, tend to absorb the emotions and needs of others to the detriment of one's own mental and emotional health. Cultivating these mindful boundaries allows you to empathize with others without becoming overwhelmed. Creating this awareness allows you to know when to engage and when to create a gentle barrier to safeguard your emotional equilibrium.
Self-Compassion in Conflict
When on your on your self-discovery journey you might find that boundaries often come into play during conflicts or challenging conversations. Navigating these situations mindfully involves approaching conflicts with compassion. Instead of viewing boundaries as walls, consider them as bridges that enable open communication while still preserving personal well-being. When you practice mindfulness in conflict, you can foster understanding and compassion for yourself and the other person or persons involved.
Recognizing Burnout Signals
As you journey through the practice of mindfulness, you’ll begin to become more attuned to the present moment and move through it without judgment or distraction. When this happens you’ll become more aware of the things that trigger any overwhelm or burnout in its early stages. This will allow you to become more proactive in placing those boundaries to prevent the stress from taking over and allow you the opportunity for rest and rejuvenation.
Practical Tips for Mindful Boundary Setting
1. Self-Reflection: Regularly check in with yourself to assess your emotional and mental state. What are your current needs and limits?
2. Communicate with Clarity: When setting boundaries, communicate with clarity and honesty. Articulate your needs and limits in a way that cultivates understanding. However, we want you to know that it’s ok if others don’t understand. What matters is that you and your well-being feel secure.
3. Practice Saying 'No': Saying 'No' is an essential aspect of setting boundaries. Although this can be challenging for many people practice doing so with kindness and assertiveness.
4. Reevaluate and Adjust: Life is dynamic, and so are your boundaries. It’s okay to check in with yourself, reassess your limits, and adjust them as needed.
Final Thoughts
Through the practice of mindfulness, you can discover, communicate, and uphold boundaries that not only protect your well-being but also nurture a compassionate relationship with yourself and others. By recognizing the interplay between empathy, present-moment awareness, and the setting of boundaries, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling life.
We understand that communication, self-discovery, and establishing boundaries can be complex and even challenging. If you are finding that you need support in these areas, consider working with a therapist. Life By Design Therapy has a team of therapists who are committed to seeing you heal, grow, and thrive in life. If you are interested in working with one of our therapists, CLICK HERE to schedule a free consultation today!
Affirmations for Creating Mindful Boundaries
My boundaries are a reflection of my self-respect and commitment to well-being.
I trust my instincts to guide me in establishing healthy and mindful limits.
I am worthy of the peace and harmony that mindful boundaries bring to my life.
My boundaries are flexible and adaptive, allowing me to grow while maintaining balance.
I release guilt when saying 'no,' knowing that it is an expression of self-love.
Additional Resources
Decoding Responses – Personality or Products of Trauma?
By Melody Wright, LMFT
The moment we experience something traumatic, whether an event or endure prolonged exposure to stress, our brains begin to program themselves to survive. We develop ways to respond to keep us safe. Whether we’re considering our minds, bodies, and emotions we naturally develop ways to protect ourselves. These are called trauma responses.
Interestingly, we can become so used to feeling the need to protect ourselves that our trauma responses become what some consider their personalities. Have you ever considered yourself a people pleaser? Or maybe you feel the need to take control of every situation you’re in. These can oftentimes be thought of as “just who you are”, however, these could also be trauma responses. Just as Bessel van der Kolk wrote, “Trauma comes back as a reaction, not a memory.” Trauma is like a puzzle, and knowing how you respond is like finding the first piece. It’s not about labeling yourself, it’s about becoming aware and learning how to cope and find healing and resilience. In this blog, we will explore four common trauma responses and how to navigate them.
Fight: Confronting the Storm
The fight response looks a lot like it sounds. When confronted with perceived danger, some of us instinctively activate the fight response. This response is a response of self-preservation. It can manifest as a surge of adrenaline, a sharpening of focus, and an intense readiness.
If you have a predominant fight response you might find yourself prone to confrontations, whether verbal or physical. You may become assertive, defensive, or even hostile when faced with challenges. While this response can be adaptive in certain situations, it can also lead to relationship difficulties and a heightened state of stress. However, this response can reveal itself in other ways like publicly outing a cheating partner or spreading a rumor about a coworker who upset you.
Flight: Seeking Safety in Escape
Have you ever found yourself attempting to deny emotions that might come up in you? Or maybe you retreat to somewhere you find safe if you are confronted with an uncomfortable situation. This is the flight response. Just like fight, flight is a survival mechanism, used to protect oneself from perceived harm. Suppose the flight response is prominent for you. In that case, you might find that you immerse yourself in your studies to keep yourself occupied, proactively creating an escape plan whenever you enter a new place, or maybe drowning out arguments with music.
For those who feel they are perfectionist, you might find flight is your go-to trauma response because there is an underlying desire to prevent people from criticizing you. You avoid confrontation. This can also make relationships challenging. Those who experience flight, tend to end relationships that might feel threatening to them. For example, you break up with them before they can break up with you.
Freeze: The Paralysis of Overwhelm
When thinking about the freeze response, think about the scene from The Notebook where Noah asks Allie “What do you want” and she responds “It’s not that simple!”. Allie is having a hard time expressing her needs and is feeling indecisive. Many people who experience the freeze response tend to have issues with expressing their needs and making decisions. This is because your brain presses the pause button but continues to remain alert. For those who experience the freeze response, you might find that you physically detach from the world by sleeping or not leaving your home. Some people even mentally check out by utilizing disassociation.
Fawn: The Dance of People-Pleasing
Do you ever find yourself consistently feeling the need to “keep the peace”? If you answered “yes”, more than likely your trauma response is to fawn. Those who experience this response might find themselves doing whatever they can to keep others around them happy to avoid friction. You might find that boundaries around your own needs are very difficult to hold or communicate about. This can include doing whatever your partner tells you even if you don’t want to, or doing whatever you can to keep your manager happy to avoid confrontation.
Navigating Your Trauma Response
Becoming aware of your trauma response is a pivotal step toward healing and growth. After reading through the different responses, maybe you found yourself identifying with more than one. This is normal. Your trauma responses can change over time and vary between different people involved or situations that arise. Here are a few steps you can take to navigate your trauma response and begin to heal.
Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your typical responses in challenging situations. Do you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn? You might find it helpful to keep a journal of the different situations you come up against and how you respond.
Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness and grounding techniques to stay present and connected to your body. Practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help regulate your nervous system and reduce the intensity of trauma responses.
Seek Therapeutic Support: Seeking therapy can provide a safe space to explore and understand your trauma response. A therapist can offer guidance, support, and tools to help you navigate the impact of past experiences on your present behavior.
Cultivate Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthier alternatives. This might include practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and developing effective communication skills.
Final Thoughts
Recognizing the way you respond to stress is a powerful way to start your self-growth journey. Once you engage with awareness you are then able to take proactive steps to foster resilience and cultivate a healthier, more balanced life. Whether you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn, embracing your unique response with compassion and a commitment to growth is the key to transforming the impact of trauma on your present and future self.
Life By Design Therapy has therapists with trauma-informed lenses to support your journey through healing. If you’re ready to begin that journey CLICK HERE to schedule a phone consultation with a therapist today.
Affirmations for Trauma
I release the hold that trauma has on me, and I embrace the power of my own resilience.
I trust in my ability to cope with difficult emotions, and I allow myself the space to feel and heal.
I let go of shame and guilt; they have no place in my journey toward healing.
I am reclaiming control over my life, and I choose to focus on the positive possibilities ahead.
I am resilient, and my strength grows with each challenge I overcome.
Additional Resources
When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Gabor Maté M.D.
What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D
The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity" by Nadine Burke Harris
What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing By Oprah Winfrey
Keys to Connection: Navigating Parent-Teen Communication
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Do you remember your teenage years? I sure do; the whirlwind of emotions, growth spurts, and eye rolls. It was a challenging time for all of us. As we learned to navigate independence and figure out who we were, our parents probably wondered what was happening in our heads, mainly because it wasn’t “cool” to talk to our parents because they wouldn’t “get it”. Are you experiencing this situation with your own teen? If you are, I’m sure it can feel like a rollercoaster most days. In this blog, I will provide you with tools you can utilize to deepen your connection with your teen and create a safe environment for your relationship to thrive through communication.
Tools for Connecting With Your Teen
“I don’t know what to do anymore” or “Where do I begin?” are some common statements among parents with teens. Let me ask you a question, What are you feeling in those complex moments with your teen? Have you ever been aware of this? Do you ever get flushed, notice your heart rate increasing, or yell? The first place to start with navigating these moments with your teen is becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
When you notice you and your teen entering into a conversation remind yourself to be the water to their fire. You can’t fight fire with fire, so approaching with peace, empathy, and awareness will start the conversation off with a solid foundation. If you find that regulating your own emotions is difficult, try incorporating mindfulness into your day. For example, you can start your day by spending 5 minutes journaling, utilizing breathing techniques, and pausing for moments of gratitude throughout the day.
Step Into Their World
Empathy is the art of stepping into another's shoes, of experiencing their emotions as if they were your own. For parents, it's the ability to truly grasp the rollercoaster of feelings that adolescents ride daily. You can do this by remembering your teenage years – the excitement, the anxiety, the dreams, and the uncertainties. Your teenager's emotions may be different, but the intensity is familiar. Empathy can create a foundation of safety for your teen to open up with you.
However, empathy and non-judgment go hand-in-hand and it’s all too easy to slip into judgment when you’re a parent - to impose your experiences and expectations onto your teen's life. When your teenager expresses their thoughts or emotions, resist the urge to label or criticize their experience. Instead, create a haven where they feel free to be vulnerable without fearing criticism or punishment. Your role shifts from being an evaluator to a listener, which fosters an atmosphere of trust and open dialogue.
Pairing empathy and non-judgment with active listening can be the perfect communication cocktail. When your child knows you’re actively listening, it deepens the safety of your relationship, which deepens your connection. To actively listen you must have a mindful and engaged presence that reflects your commitment to understand what your teen might be trying to communicate. This is an opportunity for you to turn off the mental drafts of what you want to say next and be fully present. You can utilize reflective listening as well to confirm to them that they have been heard.
Somatic Techniques and Your Teen
As a teen, there are so many things happening at once within their inner selves. Not only are they learning to navigate a new body, but they’re also learning to navigate feelings and emotions that suddenly come up. Teens often grapple with a variety of feelings, ranging from excitement and curiosity to insecurity and frustration. As they journey through these intricate emotional realms, it's not uncommon for them to struggle with putting these emotions into words. Somatic techniques can be the supportive tool they need to make this connection between their mind and body. When they become more aware of what their body is communicating they will begin to learn how to articulate their emotions and what is occurring within their inner selves.
Final Thoughts
Building a lasting and loving relationship with your child yields an investment in yourself as well. We encourage you to support your teen by becoming aware of your own body and how it correlates to your emotions. Every step you take, and every conversation you have with your teen is just a brick that is being laid in the foundation of your relationship. We want you to remember that these connection goals take time. While you learn to have patience with your child, we encourage you to have patience with yourself as well.
Life By Design Therapy is here to support you and your family. If you are interested in learning more about how Somatic and Holistic Therapy can complement your life or your teen's life, we would love to hear from you. Please CLICK HERE to schedule your complimentary consultation and let’s figure out a plan together.
Additional Resources
If you would like additional resources on parent-teen communication, check out the reading list below.
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J. Siegel MD
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall by Anthony E. Wolf
UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World by Michele Borba
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
The Invisible Impact: How Trauma Affects Your Physical Wellbeing
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Trauma is a multifaceted experience that extends far beyond emotional pain. It possesses the unique ability to not only infiltrate the mind but also the very fabric of our physical well-being. The connection between trauma and physical health is a subject that calls for exploration because when you can understand this link it can pave the way for deep healing.
The Invisible Impact
The mind-body connection is made up of biological, psychological, and social factors. Whether your trauma comes from childhood adversity, a distressing event, or prolonged exposure it can have a significant impact on your physical body. When you experience trauma, your body will respond with a heightened state of alertness which can trigger stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline within the body. Initial responses to experiencing something traumatic could be exhaustion, anxiety, confusion, and even disassociation. Of course, these responses are essential for survival, however, chronic or extending amounts of exposure can wreak havoc on your body. We have two places that take hits when exposed to stress, our hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis or HPA, and the autonomic nervous system. The regulation of these systems is known as the “allostatic load”(McFarlane, 2010). This means if you experience prolonged heightened cortisol levels, they can become toxic to your body which can lead to a contagion of different health issues.
There are links between those who have experienced trauma and those who have disorders of the HPA which can manifest as things like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and irritable bowel syndrome. However, no person is the same, and just because you’ve experienced something traumatic does it mean that it will manifest long-term in the body.
Healing After Trauma
Awareness of what is occurring within your body and how it might be linked to the trauma you’ve experienced can support the steps you need to take on your healing journey. However, healing from trauma can be intimidating. Here are a few things you can do to begin your journey.
Connect with a Therapist - There are many different therapeutic interventions that you can access through seeing a professional. Engaging in therapies like Somatic Therapy or EDMR can support creating a safe space to revisit, reframe, and release the trauma you’ve been carrying.
Try Mindfulness Practices: When engaging in mindfulness, you begin to train your mind to become aware of your mind, body, and spirit. These practices can be journaling, meditation, and yoga. Mindfulness can offer moments of respite, fostering awareness of the present, and promoting relaxation which can support reducing cortisol levels within the body.
Prioritize Self-Care: Self-care is essential when you’re recovering and healing and it can look different for everyone. When you provide compassion and kindness for yourself you are engaging in self-care. This could be resisting affirmations over yourself, allowing yourself to rest and read a good book, or even having coffee with a close friend.
Nourish Your Mind and Body: Supporting your body with physical activity and nutrient-dense food encourages your immune system to heal and function at its fullest potential as well as increase levels of the “feel good” hormones - dopamine, and serotonin. When you are healing from trauma, having a supported immune system will benefit your overall healing in the long run.
Final Thoughts
Trauma and the impact it has on you is based on the severity and the perception of the event/events that occur. Your journey toward healing should be paved with patience and compassion because everyone’s story looks different, which means that the way you heal is completely unique to you.
If you find that you are dealing with physical manifestations of your trauma, or physical symptoms in general, we recommend connecting with a Somatic, Holistic, and Trauma-Informed therapist to guide you through the steps and support you in navigating the depths of your experience. In the unraveling of this mind-body connection, you will find threads of resilience, which leads to strength and renewal.
Here at Life By Design Therapy, we have a team who specialize in Somatic and Holistic Therapies. If you are ready to find the resilience within, connect with us today by scheduling a phone consultation.
Affirmations for Trauma
As I release the weight of past traumas, my body responds with strength and vitality.
My body is resilient, and I am gradually releasing the tension and pain stored within it.
I acknowledge the impact of trauma on my physical body, and I am committed to fostering a compassionate connection between my mind and body.
I am actively working towards healing, and with each passing day, my body becomes a safer and more comfortable place to reside.
I choose to nurture my body with practices that promote healing and restoration.
ADDITIONAL Resources
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D
The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity" by Nadine Burke Harris
What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing By Oprah Winfrey
When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Gabor Maté M.D.
What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo
Love in Focus: How Couples Therapy Strengthens Relationships
By Melody Wright, LMFT
In the unique dance of relationships, there are moments of joy, laughter, and connection, but there are also times of challenge, disagreement, and even heartbreak. Navigating the ebbs and flows of a partnership requires resilience, understanding, and, sometimes, a little extra support. That's where couples therapy comes into play—a safe space where relationships are nurtured, vulnerabilities embraced, and the journey of love unfolds.
Picture this: a couple, once deeply in love, now finding themselves at a crossroads. The initial spark that brought them together is dimming, replaced by misunderstandings and a sense of disconnect. It's a scenario familiar to many, and it's essential to recognize that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but rather a courageous step toward healing and growth.
In the world we live in, couples often face challenges that can strain even the strongest bonds. Work pressures, family dynamics, and personal struggles can create a rift between partners. Couples therapy, facilitated by a trained and empathetic professional, offers a dedicated space for open communication, a fundamental building block for any successful relationship.
One of the primary benefits of couples therapy lies in its ability to provide a neutral ground for dialogue. It's easy for conversations to become emotionally charged, leading to a cycle of misunderstandings and unmet needs. A skilled therapist acts as a guide, steering conversations away from blame and towards understanding. They empower couples to express their thoughts and feelings in a way that fosters empathy and connection.
Couples therapy equips partners with effective communication tools that extend beyond the therapy session itself. Learning to listen actively, express emotions authentically, and validate each other's experiences are skills that can transform how couples navigate challenges in their day-to-day lives. It's not about erasing disagreements but rather creating a roadmap to navigate them constructively.
In the therapeutic space, couples can explore the roots of their challenges and patterns that may be contributing to their struggles. Whether it's unresolved past issues, unmet expectations, or differing communication styles, the therapist guides the couple in uncovering these underlying dynamics. This process is not about assigning blame but rather about gaining insight and fostering a deeper understanding of each other.
Empathy plays a pivotal role in the transformative journey of couples therapy. The therapist facilitates a compassionate space where both partners can share their vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. Through this process, couples often discover hidden aspects of their relationship, leading to a renewed sense of intimacy and connection. It's important to know that couples therapy isn’t only for relationships on the brink of collapse. In reality, seeking professional guidance at the early signs of distress can prevent deeper issues from taking root. Think of it as proactive care for your relationship—much like going to the doctor for a check-up for preventative healthcare.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, couples therapy is a powerful tool for relationships navigating the complexities of life. It shows the strength and commitment of partners willing to invest in the well-being of their connection. The therapeutic journey is not about fixing what's broken but rather about cultivating a resilient, loving partnership that can work through the complexities of life. If you’re ready to get started, we have a team of skilled therapists ready to support you and your partner. CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation today.
Emotionally Focused Therapy: Unlocking the Heart of Connection
By Melody Wright, LMFT
In the world of relationships, things can get tricky. Imagine feeling stuck in a pattern of communication that leaves both partners feeling unheard or disconnected. If you've ever experienced tension or distance in your relationship, you're not alone.
This blog explores the dynamics of connection, offering simple strategies for couples seeking a clearer path to understanding and strengthening their bond with Emotionally Focused Therapy. Read on if you've ever wondered how to break free from negative patterns and foster a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your partner.
Understanding Emotionally Focused Therapy
EFT operates on a structured and evidence-based approach, offering a framework tailored to the unique needs of couples. Rather than approaching your concerns blindly, think of EFT as a strategic roadmap, allowing us to assess where you are, understand the journey you've taken, and chart a course for where you want to go. Emotionally focused therapy is effective for couples enduring hardships for several reasons. Its success can be attributed to the principles embedded in the approach.
Attachment Theory Foundation: EFT is rooted in attachment theory, which shows that we, as humans, have an innate need for secure emotional bonds. These bonds provide a sense of safety and support, influencing how you navigate relationships.
Emotion as a Key Agent of Change: EFT strongly emphasizes emotions and their role in shaping our behavior and interactions. We tend to view emotions as obstacles, however, EFT views emotions as valuable sources of information that can lead to a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner.
Identification and Expression of Emotions: Because EFT emphasizes emotions, you are encouraged to identify and communicate those emotions to your partner. By doing this, you and your partner create an open, and safe climate of emotional honesty and vulnerability.
The Negative Cycle and Attachment Injury: EFT also supports identifying negative cycles and patterns that couples may fall into. These cycles can include miscommunications and emotional distancing. Becoming aware of these cycles is crucial for intervention and moving forward. Within the negative cycles, there are often attachment injuries. Attachment injuries are when one or both partners feel rejected or emotionally hurt. These injuries can contribute to the continued negative patterns within the relationship.
Creating a Secure Base: The goal of emotionally focused therapy is to create a secure emotional base for the therapeutic process. By doing this, it allows for a secure base for the couple to fall back on as they continue to navigate their relationship moving forward.
Responsiveness to the Needs of the Relationship: Everyone’s relationship is completely unique, which is why this approach can be customized to your needs. Your therapist tailors interventions to address specific issues, fostering a collaborative and individualized approach.
Short-term and Goal-Oriented: EFT is designed to be a relatively short-term therapeutic approach with specific goals. The focus is on efficiently addressing core issues and providing couples with tools for ongoing self-management.
Consolidation and Integration: The final stage of EFT involves consolidating the positive changes achieved during your therapy sessions. Couples will start to integrate these changes into their daily lives and apply new ways of relating independently.
Who is EFT for?
Emotionally Focused Therapy stands as a versatile solution for many different relationship challenges. Whether you and your partner are struggling with miscommunication, feeling emotionally distant, stuck in loops of conflicts, or navigating the ebbs and flows of life, EFT can offer the support you need to maintain or build a secure relationship. Even in stable relationships, EFT provides a sacred space for exploring deeper intimacy. At its core, EFT flourishes when both partners commit to positive change, actively engaging in the collaborative journey toward understanding, reshaping, and enhancing their relationship dynamics.
Final Thoughts
Remember, your relationship is unique, and EFT recognizes and respects that uniqueness. It's not about one-size-fits-all solutions; it's about crafting an individualized path to understanding, renewal, and fulfillment. If the insights shared here resonate with you, maybe it's time to consider EFT as a valuable resource for your relationship journey. Life By Design Therapy has a team of therapists who are available to provide the support, guidance, and tools needed to navigate challenges and strengthen your connection. Take that next step toward a more fulfilling relationship. Your relationship deserves the care and attention that will lead it toward lasting happiness and satisfaction. Reach out for therapy services today by scheduling a free phone consultation!
Additional Resources
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson
Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone by Mark Goulston
RAIN: A Simple Approach to Self-Compassion and Emotional Wellness
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Life is like a winding road. Full of twists and turns, peaks and valleys, dirt roads and smooth pavement. With the constant ebbs and flows of life, it’s easy to become overwhelmed with the emotional and mental energy that you have to put forth to keep going. For some, the struggle is tougher than others and it’s easy to lose sight of yourself. One of the biggest challenges people face when attempting to overcome life’s challenges is self-compassion and attaching their identity to the emotion they are feeling at the time. Because of this, many people will feel guilty for having bigger feelings, going through hard times, or feeling as if they don’t have the capacity to make it through their day. We want you to know that you are not alone.
In this blog, we are going to discuss a mindfulness technique called R.A.I.N. This technique promotes bringing you back to center, ground you in the present, and remind you to free yourself from self-judgment.
What is the R.A.I.N Technique?
The RAIN technique is often used as a tool for emotional healing, self-awareness, and developing a more compassionate relationship with yourself. It can be helpful in managing stress, anxiety, and other challenging emotions by providing a mindful and non-judgmental approach to self-reflection.
R: Recognize what is happening - Recognizing or becoming aware of your emotions is like opening a door to healing. By acknowledging the emotional conversation within, you empower yourself to take control and navigate through the challenges.
A: Accept what you’re experiencing: Embracing acceptance of the emotions you’re experiencing is a pivotal step toward emotional well-being. When you accept the emotion coming up in you, you create a safe space for it and allow yourself to move on to the next step of R.A.I.N.
I: Investigate: Once you’ve recognized and accepted your emotions, the next step is to investigate them with kindness. Take time to explore the roots of your feelings with curiosity, asking yourself gentle questions to uncover the underlying causes. This compassionate inquiry enables you to understand your emotions more deeply and identify patterns that may be contributing to your struggles.
N: Nurture with Non-Identification: In this last step, learn to detach yourself from the emotions you’re feeling. Instead of defining yourself by your struggles, recognize that these feelings are like passing clouds - they come and go. This perspective shift allows you to create a sense of detachment, preventing you from becoming overwhelmed by the intensity of your emotions.
Who Should Use RAIN and When Should You Use It?
The RAIN technique is a mindfulness practice so it can be beneficial for a wide range of people facing emotional challenges or seeking to develop mindfulness and self-compassion. Here are some situations and groups of people who might find the RAIN technique helpful:
Those Dealing with Emotional Distress: Anyone experiencing stress, anxiety, sadness, or other challenging emotions can use this technique to navigate and process their feelings in a healthy and constructive way.
People Facing Difficult Situations: When confronted with difficult life situations, such as loss, trauma, or major life changes, RAIN can give you a structured approach to understanding and coping with the complexity of your situation.
Stress Management: If you are dealing with everyday stressors, whether related to work, relationships, or other aspects of life, the RAIN technique can be a great way to manage stress and cultivate a more balanced emotional state throughout your day.
People Seeking Self-Compassion: The RAIN technique is particularly useful for those who wish to cultivate self-compassion. By recognizing, accepting, investigating, and non-identifying with their emotions, you can develop a kinder and more understanding relationship with yourself.
In terms of when to use the RAIN technique, it can be applied in real-time as emotions arise or as part of a regular mindfulness practice. Here are some scenarios:
During Moments of Distress: Use RAIN when you find yourself in the midst of challenging emotions, helping you navigate and understand your feelings in the present moment.
As a Daily Practice: Integrate the RAIN technique into your daily routine as a proactive approach to creating balance in your emotional well-being and allowing for self-reflection.
Before or After Stressful Events: Use RAIN before entering a potentially stressful situation to ground yourself, or afterward to process and release any emotions that may have come up during the situation that was stressful.
In Meditation or Mindfulness Sessions: Incorporate the RAIN technique into meditation or mindfulness sessions to deepen your practice and enhance self-awareness.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, the RAIN technique is a gentle yet powerful tool that offers a structured approach to understanding and navigating our emotions. Whether you're facing challenging situations, dealing with everyday stress, or simply seeking a more compassionate relationship with yourself, implementing this mindfulness technique can cultivate self-compassion and self-acceptance while supporting you through your struggle. If you would like to learn more about mindfulness or grounding practices, you can CLICK HERE to download our free eBook, The Mind-Body Toolkit. If you would like additional support navigating challenging times in your life or would like to cultivate deeper self-growth CLICK HERE to schedule a free phone consultation with one of our therapists today.
Additional Resources
Unmasking Seasonal Depression: Are You At Risk?
by Melody Wright, LMFT
As the seasons change, some of us might find our spirits taking a dip along with the temperature. For many, this shift ushers in the excitement of holidays, warm drinks, and snug evenings by the fire. But for some, this seasonal transformation brings with it a subtle yet profound change in mood – the onset of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Otherwise known as Seasonal Depression.
Have you ever wondered why the season's magic doesn't quite reach everyone? Through the advocacy for mental health awareness, the term seasonal depression is becoming more prevalent. But what is seasonal depression? Why does it happen? Who does it affect?
In this blog, we will dive into what seasonal depression is, who it affects, and ways to support yourself if you find yourself struggling.
Understanding Seasonal Depression
Seasonal depression typically follows a pattern, with symptoms emerging and receding at the same time each year. The most common form of seasonal depression occurs during the fall and winter months when sunlight is in shorter supply. The primary culprit behind seasonal depression is believed to be reduced exposure to natural sunlight. Did you know sunlight plays a crucial role in regulating our circadian rhythm or internal body clock, as well as influencing the production of serotonin, which is a “feel good” hormone released by the brain? The winter months, with their shorter days and diminished sunlight, can disrupt this delicate balance, leading to a cascade of physiological and psychological effects.
So are there people who are more susceptible to Seasonal Depression? The answer is yes. Let's talk about it…
Location: If you live farther from the equator, where daylight duration varies more significantly between seasons, the more at risk you are to encounter season depression.
Age and Gender: Seasonal depression can affect people of all ages, but it is more common in younger adults. Women, also, are diagnosed with seasonal depression more frequently than men.
Family History: If one of your family members has been diagnosed with depression or other mood disorders it may increase your susceptibility to seasonal depression.
Pre-existing Mental Health Conditions: If you have a history of other mental health conditions you may find your symptoms exacerbated during specific seasons like fall and winter.
10 Tips for Seasonal Depression Self-Support
When you are struggling with any type of depression, it can feel like an uphill battle. Implementing self care practices are essential to coping, however, finding what works for you can be a challenge in itself. We want to help you alleviate the decision fatigue with these 10 tips.
Light Therapy:
Light therapy, also known as phototherapy, involves exposure to a bright light that mimics natural sunlight. It can help regulate circadian rhythms and boost mood. Spending 20-30 minutes in front of a light box each morning can be an effective way to combat seasonal depression. You can find light boxes sold on Amazon.
Regular Exercise:
Engaging in regular physical activity has been shown to alleviate symptoms of depression. Exercise releases endorphins, the body's natural mood lifters, and helps improve overall well-being. Even a walk outdoors can make a significant difference.
Maximize Natural Light Exposure:
Make a conscious effort to spend time outdoors during daylight hours. Open curtains and blinds to let natural light into your home or workspace. If you work at home try position yourself or work area near windows to maximize exposure to natural light.
Social Connection:
Stay connected with friends and family. Seasonal depression can lead to social withdrawal, so make an effort to maintain social connections. Whether it's a phone call, video chat, or coffee with a friend, social support is vital for emotional well-being.
Mindfulness and Meditation:
Practices such as mindfulness meditation, and deep breathing exercises can help reduce stress and improve mood. These techniques can be incorporated into daily routines to promote relaxation.
If you’re interested in learning more about this, you can download our free ebook, The Mind-Body ToolKit.
Establish a Consistent Sleep Routine:
Maintain a regular sleep schedule by going to bed and waking up at the same time each day. Quality sleep is essential for mental health, and a consistent sleep routine can positively impact mood.
Implement a Daily Routine:
Establishing a routine can provide structure and predictability which can counteract the internal chaos we might feel when in a depressive state. This tip is particularly crucial for those grappling with seasonal depression, as the changing seasons can disrupt the body's internal clock.
Set Realistic Goals:
Break down tasks into smaller, more manageable goals. Setting realistic and achievable objectives can provide a sense of accomplishment and boost self-esteem, counteracting feelings of helplessness.
Express Yourself Creatively:
Engage in activities that allow for self-expression and creativity, whether it's writing, drawing, painting, or playing a musical instrument. Creative outlets can serve as a therapeutic way to process emotions.
Get Professional Support:
If seasonal depression is significantly impacting your daily life, consider seeking professional help. Having a therapist can provide guidance, support, and therapeutic interventions tailored to your specific needs. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other evidence-based treatments can be effective in managing seasonal depression.
Final Thoughts
Seasonal depression is a complex interplay of biological, environmental, and psychological factors that can significantly impact your quality of life. Recognizing the signs and understanding who is at risk is the first step toward to managing your depression in a healthy way. By incorporating coping strategies, those affected by seasonal depression can navigate the changing seasons with resilience and improved mental well-being. If you are struggling with seasonal depression, seeking professional guidance can be a step forward to healing. Our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy can be a trusted guide, offering support tailored to your unique journey. Their empathetic understanding provides a safe space to unravel the complexities of seasonal blues, granting you the tools and insights needed to navigate the storm. If you would like to take that step CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on depression and how to support those that are depressed, check out these books below:
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.
Empower Your Inner Self: 10 Steps to Elevate Your Self-Esteem
by Melody Wright, LMFT
In a world with social media highlight reels and what seem to be perfectly curated personas, it’s not always easy to feel the freedom to be yourself. Living in the age of influencers and filtered realities, we can find our authentic selves becoming lost in the noise. Yet, authenticity is where your true power lies, it’s the source of genuine self-esteem and confidence. The rise of low self-esteem is a significant and widespread issue, but why? How can we learn to live authentically? In this blog, we'll look at how being authentic can boost your self-worth and discover 10 mindful steps you can take to become more confident and comfortable with who you are.
Why is Low Self-Esteem So Profound?
Social Media and Comparison Culture: The presence of social media platforms can lead to a comparison mindset. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem when you believe you don't measure up to the images and experiences you see online.
Societal Pressure: Society tend to place immense pressure on us to conform to certain standards of beauty, success, and achievement. These unrealistic expectations can make us feel that we are never "good enough," no matter what we do.
Bullying and Cyberbullying: Bullying, whether in person or online, can have a devastating impact on your self-esteem and mental health. The constant fear of being ridiculed or belittled can erode one's self-worth.
Economic Insecurity: Economic instability and uncertainty can create anxiety and self-doubt. That can include financial difficulties, unemployment, etc which can lead to a sense of failure and diminished self-esteem.
Isolation and Loneliness: Despite the connectedness facilitated by technology, many people can experience deep feelings of loneliness and isolation. These emotions can contribute to poor mental health because it may cause feeling of being unwanted or unimportant.
Pressure to Achieve and Perform: There's often a relentless drive to achieve and perform at the highest levels in various aspects of life, from academics and career to personal relationships. This intense pressure can lead to a fear of failure, which can take a toll on your mental health.
Mental Health Issues: Mental health problems like anxiety, depression, and eating disorders can profoundly impact self-esteem. The negative thought patterns associated with these conditions can reinforce feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.
Childhood Experiences: Early experiences, particularly in childhood, can shape your self-esteem. Negative or traumatic experiences during the early years can leave lasting scars on one's self-worth.
Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Cultivate Authenticity
Low self-esteem can cast a shadow over every aspect of our lives, which can hold us back from reaching our full potential and experiencing the fulfillment we deserve. But the good news is that self-esteem is not immovable; it's a quality that can be nurtured and strengthened over time. However, remember that these tools are not overnight solutions, but rather tools to help cultivate a deep and lasting sense of self-worth.
Get to Know YOU: We spend most of our time being told what we should like, how we should look, what we should buy, and what we should accomplish to be successful. However, we usually don’t take the time to get to know ourselves. Ask yourself “what do I want” and “what do I like”, then enjoy the journey free of judgement.
Increase Self Awareness: The more you begin to learn about who you are, the more you’ll want to become aware of your thoughts, patterns, and feelings. Mindful journaling and meditation can support you as you check in with yourself.
Use Positive Affirmations: As you become aware of your thoughts, patterns, and feelings, you can challenge the negative thoughts with affirming ones. As you utilize affirmations, you can rewire your thinking to move into a place of self-love, self-empowerment, and self-compassion which will boost your self-esteem.
Develop Healthy Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining boundaries is a vital aspect of self-care. It ensures the protection of your mental and emotional well-being. Learning to say "no" when necessary and prioritize your own needs, without guilt, can support with self-empowerment and honoring your own thoughts and feelings.
Set Realistic Goals: Setting achievable goals, whether small or large, is essential for improving self-esteem. These goals serve as stepping stones to success, boosting your confidence as you accomplish them. Be sure to celebrate your achievements, no matter how modest they may seem.
Limit Self-Comparison: Try limiting your time on social media. The time you do spend there, remind yourself that many people you see only share the highlights of their life. They are a human just like you.
Create a Self-Love Journal: Consider creating a journal space to write down things you like about yourself. You can use this as a place to dump your thoughts and feelings, write affirmations and cultivate gratitude for yourself and your life.
Attune to your Body: Pay attention to your body and its needs. Engage in regular physical activity, eat nourishing foods, and get enough rest. When you feel well physically, it supports your mental and emotional health leading to a positive self-image.
Consider Creative Expression: As you learn about who you’re authentic self is, consider expressing yourself creatively. Trying new hobbies allow you to expand your mind. The act of creation can also create a sense of accomplishment.
Build A Network: Having those around you who see your true self can support in building you up, which can boost your moral. Considering therapy for self-growth and working through traumas can also cultivate a sense self-compassion and encouragement.
Final Thoughts
Boosting your self-esteem is a journey that unfolds over time. Remember, it’s not about perfection; it's about self-acceptance and growth. As you to explore these approaches, be kind to yourself, and know that your journey is unique. With patience and dedication, you can build a healthier and more confident relationship with yourself, unlocking the potential for a more fulfilling and authentic life. If building a support network is one of the tools you decide to try, consider reaching out to one of our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy. If you’re in California and interested in our holistic and somatic therapy services, click below to schedule your free phone consultation today.
Additional Resources
”Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff
”The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt" by Russ Harris
”Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones” by James Clear
”A Renaissance of Our Own: A Memoir & Manifesto on Reimagining” by Rachel E. Cargle
Navigating Grief During the Holidays
by Melody Wright, LMFT
The time is upon us when the world seems to burst with warmth and togetherness. The holiday season, with its twinkling lights, festive decorations, and joyful gatherings, is brimming with the promise of love and laughter. However, for those who are in the midst of a grief journey the holidays can feel like a minefield of emotions. Grief doesn’t adhere to the calendar and it doesn’t discriminate. For some, it might seem like grief is a constant companion, and the holidays might trigger it to feel like a formidable one.
Grief can be argued as one of the most complex emotions to encounter. Typically when we hear the word grief, our thoughts take us to loss, or more specifically the loss of someone. However, grief can stem from many life-altering events in a person’s life. This can include moving, a job change or loss, the loss of a loved one or pet, divorce, and even the end of a friendship. The grieving process is like a fingerprint, it’s unique to the person experiencing it.
In this blog, we’ll discuss common symptoms of grief and provide a few mindful coping techniques to support you during this holiday season.
Understanding Grief
While everyone experiences grief in their own way, there are a few common symptoms/emotions that can occur. Understanding these common symptoms is supportive because it helps you realize that you are not alone in your experience. Grief is a natural reaction to loss, and these emotions are a testament to the depth of the connection you shared with the person or situation you are grieving.
Sadness or Dispair - The most well-known emotion in grief is sadness. It's a deep, overwhelming sense of loss that can leave you feeling as though the world is a much darker place. During the holidays, when the spotlight is on happiness and festivities, these feelings can become more profound.
Anxiety and Stress - Grief can manifest as increased stress and anxiety. The pressure to be cheerful and participate in holiday festivities can compound these feelings, making it difficult to engage in the celebrations with the same enthusiasm as before.
Isolation - Grief can make people withdraw from social activities. You may feel isolated and disconnected from the joy and celebrations around them, especially during the holiday season when everyone is coming together.
Anger and Frustration - Grief often leads to complex emotions, including anger and frustration. This anger might be directed toward yourself, the situation you’ve endured, or even the people around you. It's essential to understand that these emotions are normal responses to the grieving journey.
Physical Symptoms - Grief can also manifest as physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, and changes in appetite and sleep patterns. Because the holidays, typically come with added expectations and social activities, these physical manifestations of grief can become more pronounced.
Nostalgia and Longing - Grief often stirs up feelings of nostalgia and deep longing. During the holiday season, when many customs and traditions are rooted in treasured memories, the absence of a loved one can intensify these sentiments, making them even more powerful.
Guilt - Grief can be accompanied by feelings of guilt. You might feel guilty for not being able to join in the holiday spirit or for experiencing moments of happiness amidst your grief. It's important to remember that these feelings are part of the journey and a non-judgemental space should not be held.
Mindfully Navigating Grief
Navigating grief during the holidays can feel like an uphill climb for some people. Yet, it’s these challenging moments where these mindful techniques can support you through this season. It’s almost as though they serve as lights along the pathway to the other side of healing. Remember that implementing these techniques serves as an act of self-compassion.
Exploring these techniques below, you can empower yourself to navigate the depths of grief with grace, ultimately finding moments of balance and peace even amidst the holiday season.
Journaling: Keeping a journal gives you the opportunity to release thoughts and emotions you might not feel free to do so, out loud. It can also be a great space to write letters to the person you lost, to the person whom you feel wronged you, or letters to yourself. This can be a therapeutic way to process your feelings and track your healing journey.
Join a Support Group: Connect with others who are also grieving. Support groups offer a sense of community and shared experiences, which can be incredibly comforting.
Move Your Body: Regular exercise can help alleviate stress and boost mood. A simple walk, yoga, or other physical activity can be supportive.
Maintain a Routine: Sticking to a regular schedule, including sleep, eating, and daily activities can create a sense of normalcy in the mindset of turbulent times.
Limit Alcohol and Caffeine: Alcohol and excessive caffeine can exacerbate anxiety and stress. Reducing consumption can help regulate your emotions. This is especially important during the holidays because of how convenient these beverages are to grab at a holiday gathering.
Volunteer or Help Others: During this season, the opportunities to give back are endless. Volunteering or supporting someone in need can offer a sense of purpose and fulfillment, helping to combat feelings of isolation.
Set Realistic Expectations: It’s okay to be realistic about what you can handle during the holidays and set boundaries within yourself and with others. It's okay to decline invitations or simplify traditions to reduce stress.
Nourish Your Body: Proper hydration and a balanced diet can positively impact your mood and overall well-being.
Set Future Goals: Begin to envision your future and set new goals. It can be a positive way to focus on hope and moving forward.
Seek Professional Support: Consider therapy or counseling to have a safe space to express your feelings and receive expert guidance on coping with grief.
If you're looking for practical resources to support yourself during times of grief, explore our blog, “All About Grief: 6 Ways to Care for Yourself While Grieving”.
Final Thoughts
Remember that everyone's grief journey is unique, and it's essential to choose techniques that resonate with you and adapt them to your individual needs. Healing takes time, and it's a process that deserves patience, self-compassion, and ongoing self-care.
If seeking professional support is a technique you choose, consider Life By Design Therapy. We have a team who will create a warm and open space for you to move through your grief. Our therapists can also help you create a unique toolkit of techniques to meet your individual needs.
If you’re located anywhere in California, click below to schedule a free no-obligation phone consultation today.
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on grief and how to support those that are grieving, check out these books below:
Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman
The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.
Keys to Connection: Navigating Parent-Teen Communication
by Melody Wright, LMFT
Do you remember your teenage years? I sure do; the whirlwind of emotions, growth spurts, and eye rolls. It was a challenging time for all of us. As we learned to navigate independence and figure out who we were, our parents probably wondered what was happening in our heads, mainly because it wasn’t “cool” to talk to our parents because they wouldn’t “get it”. Are you experiencing this situation with your own teen? If you are, I’m sure it can feel like a rollercoaster most days. In this blog, I will provide you with tools you can utilize to deepen your connection with your teen and create a safe environment for your relationship to thrive through communication.
Tools for Connecting With Your Teen
“I don’t know what to do anymore” or “Where do I begin?” are some common statements among parents with teens. Let me ask you a question, What are you feeling in those complex moments with your teen? Have you ever been aware of this? Do you ever get flushed, notice your heart rate increasing, or yell? The first place to start with navigating these moments with your teen is becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
When you notice you and your teen entering into a conversation remind yourself to be the water to their fire. You can’t fight fire with fire, so approaching with peace, empathy, and awareness will start the conversation off with a solid foundation. If you find that regulating your own emotions is difficult, try incorporating mindfulness into your day. For example, you can start your day by spending 5 minutes journaling, utilizing breathing techniques, and pausing for moments of gratitude throughout the day.
Step Into Their World
Empathy is the art of stepping into another's shoes, of experiencing their emotions as if they were your own. For parents, it's the ability to truly grasp the rollercoaster of feelings that adolescents ride daily. You can do this by remembering your teenage years – the excitement, the anxiety, the dreams, and the uncertainties. Your teenager's emotions may be different, but the intensity is familiar. Empathy can create a foundation of safety for your teen to open up with you.
However, empathy and non-judgment go hand-in-hand and it’s all too easy to slip into judgment when you’re a parent - to impose your experiences and expectations onto your teen's life. When your teenager expresses their thoughts or emotions, resist the urge to label or criticize their experience. Instead, create a haven where they feel free to be vulnerable without fearing criticism or punishment. Your role shifts from being an evaluator to a listener, which fosters an atmosphere of trust and open dialogue.
Pairing empathy and non-judgment with active listening can be the perfect communication cocktail. When your child knows you’re actively listening, it deepens the safety of your relationship, which deepens your connection. To actively listen you must have a mindful and engaged presence that reflects your commitment to understand what your teen might be trying to communicate. This is an opportunity for you to turn off the mental drafts of what you want to say next and be fully present. You can utilize reflective listening as well to confirm to them that they have been heard.
Somatic Techniques and Your Teen
As a teen, there are so many things happening at once within their inner selves. Not only are they learning to navigate a new body, but they’re also learning to navigate feelings and emotions that suddenly come up. Teens often grapple with a variety of feelings, ranging from excitement and curiosity to insecurity and frustration. As they journey through these intricate emotional realms, it's not uncommon for them to struggle with putting these emotions into words. Somatic techniques can be the supportive tool they need to make this connection between their mind and body. When they become more aware of what their body is communicating they will begin to learn how to articulate their emotions and what is occurring within their inner selves.
Final Thoughts
Building a lasting and loving relationship with your child yields an investment in yourself as well. We encourage you to support your teen by becoming aware of your own body and how it correlates to your emotions. Every step you take, and every conversation you have with your teen is just a brick that is being laid in the foundation of your relationship. We want you to remember that these connection goals take time. While you learn to have patience with your child, we encourage you to have patience with yourself as well.
Life By Design Therapy is here to support you and your family. If you are interested in learning more about how Somatic and Holistic Therapy can complement your life or your teen's life, we would love to hear from you. If you’re located in California, please click below to schedule your complimentary consultation and let’s figure out a plan together.
Additional Resources
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J. Siegel MD
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall by Anthony E. Wolf
UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World by Michele Borba
Navigating Back-to-School Anxiety: Practical Tips for Parents
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Do you remember how it felt when you started a new school year? The excitement and nervousness, or maybe even anxiety as you wondered about the new uncharted territory, hoping to make new friends, impress your teachers, and navigate the challenges of being a year older. As this school year started, maybe you’ve had some of those memories resurface as you witness your own child experiencing those same emotions.
Back-to-school anxiety is perfectly normal, and as a parent, you have the power to be your child’s anchor, guiding them through the feelings of uncertainty with love, understanding, and support. In this blog, we will discuss strategies to support your child through their emotions and foster a positive mindset for the rest of the school year.
Identifying Signs of Back-to-School Anxiety
Back-to-school anxiety is common among students. However, recognizing the signs of anxiety in children is crucial for providing timely support and understanding. Common signs of this type of anxiety can show itself in physical symptoms such as headaches, and stomachaches, or they might say they don’t feel well, especially when school-related discussions come up.
You might also notice behavioral changes such as increased clinginess, crying, or restlessness. Mood swings, irritability, and changes in sleep patterns can also be a sign that your child is experiencing some anxiety. However, some children may exhibit avoidance behaviors, such as resisting going to school or expressing a strong desire to stay home. Academic performance may also be affected. Your child might have their grades decline or they might become obsessively worried about their school work.
Therapist Tip: Being attentive to these signals you can provide the necessary support and reassurance to help children cope with their emotions and navigate the back-to-school transition.
Strategies for Supporting Your Child
Establish a Consistent Routine - For those with anxiety, knowing what comes next can provide a sense of stability and predictability. Create space for consistent meal times, study times, and family times. Your child might also need support with creating a routine around hygiene and self-care as well.
Encourage Expressive Arts & Journaling - Some kids have a difficult time finding the words to use to express how they are feeling. Expressive arts is a great way to release the emotions being felt through music or creating art. Journaling is a supportive tool for those who do not feel like speaking to someone about what they are feeling. Journaling provides a safe space to be fully vulnerable.
Foster a Growth Mindset - Encourage a growth mindset in your child by emphasizing the importance of learning, growth, and perseverance. Remind them that mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow and that it's okay not to have all the answers right away. This mindset shift can reduce the fear of failure and increase your child's resilience in the face of challenges.
Introduce Grounding Techniques -Teaching your child grounding techniques can support their emotional regulation for the rest of their life. Practice deep breathing, and meditation, and consider a grounding object that they can carry with them in their pocket to school.
Collaborate with a Therapist - Open communication is essential for supporting your child through their struggle, however, that doesn’t always come easy. Meeting regularly with a therapist will allow your child to engage in consistent opportunities to be vulnerable in an unbiased, non-judgmental space.
Final Thoughts
Supporting your child through their back-to-school anxiety requires patience, understanding, and empathy. By creating a nurturing environment at home and implementing some of the techniques above you can support your child in navigating these unknown territories. Remember that every child’s journey is unique to them, so approach this process with love, support, and flexibility.
Also, we want to acknowledge that this is challenging and complex for parents as well. Give yourself an empathetic and non-judgmental space as you journey through this side of parenting. If you are needing support as a parent or if your child is needing support, connect with our team. We have qualified therapists who are equipped with the tools you need to move forward on this journey.
CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation today.
Additional Resources
If you would like additional tools for supporting your child and yourself as a parent, check out the resources below.
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
Raising Critical Thinkers: A Parent's Guide to Growing Wise Kids in the Digital Ageby Julie Bogart
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
Relationship Communication 101: Enhancing Connection and Understanding
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a conversation and felt like you were speaking two different languages? Or maybe you were trying to convey your feelings to someone, but they seemed completely unable to grasp the depth of your emotions? Communication, despite being an integral part of our everyday lives, can often be one of the most challenging aspects of any relationship. Whether it's with a partner, a family member, a friend, or a colleague, how we communicate can profoundly impact the quality of our connections.
Humans are inherently social beings and creating connections is vital to our mental and emotional wellbeing. Having secure relationships can provide a sense of safety, trust, and support, which cultivates a stable foundation for navigating life's challenges. When we feel emotionally secure with those in our lives, we experience reduced levels of stress, anxiety, and depression.
These types of relationships can foster open communication, empathy, and validation, which allows us to express ourselves freely without fear of judgment. The emotional connection and understanding we find in secure relationships promote feelings of belonging and importance which can boost our self-esteem and a sense of purpose.
Having someone to lean on when you’re going through a hard time can create a buffer against emotional confusion and promote resilience that you can carry with you. In short, secure relationships nourish our mental health, helping us thrive emotionally and lead fulfilling lives. In this blog, we will give you the tools to improve your communication skills and create a deeper connection with yourself and those around you.
The Communication Blueprint
Active Listening - Active listening is a foundational skill for effective communication. Many of us may believe we are good listeners, but true active listening goes beyond just hearing words. It involves giving your full attention to the person talking, maintaining eye contact, and showing genuine interest in what they are saying. Try to avoid interrupting or formulating responses while the other person is speaking; instead, focus on understanding their perspective before reacting.
Use "I" Statements - When discussing sensitive or emotional topics, use "I" statements rather than "you" statements. For example, say "I feel hurt when this happens" instead of "You always do this." This simple shift in language helps prevent blame and defensiveness, creating a safer space for open dialogue and understanding.
Empathy and Validation - Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Validating someone's emotions doesn't necessarily mean agreeing with them, but rather acknowledging their feelings as real and legitimate. It fosters a sense of emotional support and reassurance, strengthening the emotional bond between individuals.
Be Mindful of Non-Verbal Cues - Communication isn't limited to spoken words; non-verbal cues play a significant role too. Be aware of what your body and facial expression are saying, they can convey emotions that words might not capture fully. Similarly, also be aware of the other person's non-verbal cues so that you can gain better insights into their feelings and reactions.
Timing is Everything - This is a big one! Bringing up important discussions during stressful or emotional moments can lead to unnecessary conflicts. Be sure to choose an appropriate time and place for discussions that might require attention and emotional investment. It’s also wise to avoid discussing serious matters when one or both of you are tired, angry, or distracted.
Avoid the Blame Game - When conflicts arise, it can be so easy to point fingers and lay blame on the other person. Instead, focus on the specific issue at hand and communicate with the mission of finding a solution together. Remember, it's not about winning an argument but working as a team to resolve conflicts.
Express Appreciation and Affection - Validating and affirming the other person is a powerful tool. It brings gratitude to your mind and it can fill the other person’s self-esteem tank. This can diffuse strong emotions both of you might be feeling. A simple "thank you" or a loving gesture can go a long way.
Seek Professional Help if Needed - Sometimes, despite our best efforts, communication challenges persist. Seeking the help of a relationship therapist can be beneficial. They can provide valuable insights, facilitate productive conversations, and offer tools to enhance communication within the relationship that is unique to you and your situation.
Practice Patience - Improving communication in a relationship takes time and effort. Remember to be patient with yourself and the other person as you both learn and grow together. Do your best to avoid getting frustrated if progress seems slow; small steps toward better communication are still progress.
Celebrate Differences - Remember that every individual is unique, and views the world through their individual lens. Differences in communication styles are normal! Embracing these differences rather than viewing them as obstacles can ground you in the midst of your conversations. The diversity in communication can offer new perspectives and opportunities for growth.
Final Thoughts
The significance of secure relationships for mental health cannot be overstated. These connections act as pillars of emotional stability, providing a safety where we can share our joys and vulnerabilities without judgment. The support, understanding, and trust found in these relationships can create a sense of belonging and acceptance that nurtures our self-esteem and well-being. When we prioritize creating secure relationships, we invest in a journey of growth and self-discovery. If you’re ready to invest in yourself and in your relationships, Life By Design Therapy has a team of skilled therapists who are eager to work with you. They provide individualized care for each of their clients. If you would like to find out more information, CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation.
Additional Resources
If you would like additional supportive tools to grow your communication skills, check out the resources below.
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson
Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone by Mark Goulston
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
Navigating Relationships: 5 Steps to Working Through Conflict
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Conflict…some people embrace it, others run from it. However, we all know that conflict is a natural part of human interaction. Whether it's a disagreement with a friend, a spat with a family member, or tension with a colleague, conflicts can test the relationships we share with others. These moments, though, give us opportunities to learn, grow and deepen our connections with each other. Conflict resolution is not about seeking dominance or proving someone wrong; it is about creating a safe space where all of those involved can express themselves without fear of judgment and finding an outcome that feels comfortable. Communication that is rooted in compassion and empathy offers a pathway to open dialogue that moves us away from blame and toward resolution and connection. In this blog, we will explore 5 steps to work through conflict in your relationships in a constructive and healing way.
Why is it Important to Resolve Conflicts?
Communication is the backbone of any relationship. It is through communication that we express our thoughts, share our feelings, and develop a sense of understanding and belonging in society. Resolving conflicts isn't just about smoothing out rough patches in our relationships; it impacts our mental health and well-being. Conflicts that continue to go unaddressed can lead to feelings of stress, anxiety, and frustration. These emotions can take a toll on our mental health, which can lead to sleep disturbances, mood disorders, and even a weakened immune system.
On the other hand, actively working through conflicts can create a sense of relief and empowerment. When we address conflicts with open communication, empathy, and non-judgment we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. This self-awareness contributes positively to our mental health, cultivating a deeper sense of emotional resilience and self-confidence.
5 Steps to Resolve Conflicts
Start With Your Feelings - When you start your discussion, take a moment to reflect on how you felt during the conflict. Were you hurt, frustrated, or anxious? Share your emotions honestly and openly with the other person, using "I" statements to express yourself without blaming or criticizing. Remember that acknowledging your feelings is not a sign of weakness; it's a way to communicate your vulnerability and create a safe space for the other person to do the same.
Share Your Experience - Share your experience of the situation, by describing what happened from your perspective. Be specific and avoid making assumptions about the other person's intentions. Focus on the actions or words that triggered the conflict, and how they made you feel. Actively listen when the other person shares their experiences, giving them the same respect and understanding you desire.
Identify Your Triggers - Identify the specific triggers that contributed to the conflict. Triggers can be anything that brings up intense emotions or reminds you of past hurts. By understanding your triggers, you can communicate them to the other person, helping them be more mindful of their actions. Avoid assigning blame; instead, explain how certain actions or words affected you due to past experiences.
Take Responsibility For Your Part - Taking responsibility for our own actions and words is essential in resolving conflicts compassionately. Acknowledge any mistakes you made during the argument and be open to apologizing if necessary. Avoid being defensive and instead, strive to empathize with the other person's feelings and experiences. Remember that we all have flaws, and admitting them is a sign of strength and self-awareness.
Create a Plan - To prevent similar conflicts in the future, work together to create a plan that promotes understanding and empathy. Discuss ways to improve communication, such as active listening and using "I" statements to express feelings and needs. Establish boundaries that respect each other's triggers and commit to treating one another with compassion and empathy. If necessary, consider seeking the support of a mediator or counselor to help navigate challenging situations.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, resolving conflicts compassionately through empathic and open communication is an opportunity for growth and deeper connections with others. By focusing on your feelings, sharing experiences, understanding triggers, taking responsibility, and making plans for the future, we can transform conflicts into learning experiences and strengthen our relationships. Remember that conflict is a part of life, but how we approach and navigate it can make all the difference in our own emotional and mental health. Embrace compassion as a guiding principle in resolving conflicts, and you will pave the way for more meaningful relationships. Having someone to be an unbiased support can be beneficial as well. If you are struggling with communication or with relationships in your life, consider reaching out to one of our team members. You can schedule your free phone consultation HERE.
Additional Resources
"Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Sue Johnson
"Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone" by Mark Goulston
"Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion" by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins
"Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.