Navigating Relationships: 5 Steps to Working Through Conflict

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Conflict…some people embrace it, others run from it. However, we all know that conflict is a natural part of human interaction. Whether it's a disagreement with a friend, a spat with a family member, or tension with a colleague, conflicts can test the relationships we share with others. These moments, though, give us opportunities to learn, grow and deepen our connections with each other. Conflict resolution is not about seeking dominance or proving someone wrong; it is about creating a safe space where all of those involved can express themselves without fear of judgment and finding an outcome that feels comfortable. Communication that is rooted in compassion and empathy offers a pathway to open dialogue that moves us away from blame and toward resolution and connection. In this blog, we will explore 5 steps to work through conflict in your relationships in a constructive and healing way. 

Why is it Important to Resolve Conflicts? 

Communication is the backbone of any relationship. It is through communication that we express our thoughts, share our feelings, and develop a sense of understanding and belonging in society. Resolving conflicts isn't just about smoothing out rough patches in our relationships; it impacts our mental health and well-being. Conflicts that continue to go unaddressed can lead to feelings of stress, anxiety, and frustration. These emotions can take a toll on our mental health, which can lead to sleep disturbances, mood disorders, and even a weakened immune system. 

On the other hand, actively working through conflicts can create a sense of relief and empowerment. When we address conflicts with open communication, empathy, and non-judgment we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. This self-awareness contributes positively to our mental health, cultivating a deeper sense of emotional resilience and self-confidence.

5 Steps to Resolve Conflicts

1. Start With Your Feelings - When you start your discussion, take a moment to reflect on how you felt during the conflict. Were you hurt, frustrated, or anxious? Share your emotions honestly and openly with the other person, using "I" statements to express yourself without blaming or criticizing. Remember that acknowledging your feelings is not a sign of weakness; it's a way to communicate your vulnerability and create a safe space for the other person to do the same.
   
   

2. Share Your Experience - Share your experience of the situation, by describing what happened from your perspective. Be specific and avoid making assumptions about the other person's intentions. Focus on the actions or words that triggered the conflict, and how they made you feel. Actively listen when the other person shares their experiences, giving them the same respect and understanding you desire.
   
   

3. Identify Your Triggers - Identify the specific triggers that contributed to the conflict. Triggers can be anything that brings up intense emotions or reminds you of past hurts. By understanding your triggers, you can communicate them to the other person, helping them be more mindful of their actions. Avoid assigning blame; instead, explain how certain actions or words affected you due to past experiences.
   
   

4. Take Responsibility For Your Part - Taking responsibility for our own actions and words is essential in resolving conflicts compassionately. Acknowledge any mistakes you made during the argument and be open to apologizing if necessary. Avoid being defensive and instead, strive to empathize with the other person's feelings and experiences. Remember that we all have flaws, and admitting them is a sign of strength and self-awareness.
   
   

5. Create a Plan - To prevent similar conflicts in the future, work together to create a plan that promotes understanding and empathy. Discuss ways to improve communication, such as active listening and using "I" statements to express feelings and needs. Establish boundaries that respect each other's triggers and commit to treating one another with compassion and empathy. If necessary, consider seeking the support of a mediator or counselor to help navigate challenging situations.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, resolving conflicts compassionately through empathic and open communication is an opportunity for growth and deeper connections with others. By focusing on your feelings, sharing experiences, understanding triggers, taking responsibility, and making plans for the future, we can transform conflicts into learning experiences and strengthen our relationships. Remember that conflict is a part of life, but how we approach and navigate it can make all the difference in our own emotional and mental health. Embrace compassion as a guiding principle in resolving conflicts, and you will pave the way for more meaningful relationships. Having someone to be an unbiased support can be beneficial as well. If you are struggling with communication or with relationships in your life, consider reaching out to one of our team members. You can schedule your free phone consultation HERE. 

Additional Resources

1. “4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work--Anywhere!: Including the "12-Day Communication Challenge!" by Bento C. Leal III

2. "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Sue Johnson

3. "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

4. "The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate" by Harriet Lerner

5. "Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone" by Mark Goulston

6. "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High" by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

7. "Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion" by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins

8. "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg

9. "The Art of Communicating" by Thich Nhat Hanh

10. ”How to Listen with Intention: The Foundation of True Connection, Communication, and Relationships” by Patrick King

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