10 Ways to Support Your Teen’s Mental Health
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Some days it feels like the world is spinning faster than any of us can keep up. And for teens, the weight can feel especially heavy. Between school demands, pressure about the future, navigating friendships, constant social media exposure, and the endless stream of news…it’s a lot.
As a parent, you might notice your teen pulling away like spending more time in their room, giving one-word answers, or meeting your questions with sass instead of conversation. Maybe they seem moody or unpredictable, and as a parent, it can be hard to watch and not know how to help.
Your teen is in one of the most important seasons of life, discovering who they are, testing boundaries, and trying on different versions of themselves, all while the outside world keeps demanding more and more.
Social media tells them who they should be.
School tells them what they need to achieve.
Friends and family may have expectations too.
It’s no wonder so many teens are struggling with enormous stress, anxiety, and self-esteem. Did you know that, according to Transforming Education, roughly 60% of students report feeling stressed every day?
Here’s the important part: it’s completely normal if your teen is feeling overwhelmed.
Their nervous system is simply responding to stress, like their body is on high alert, bracing for what’s next. For some teens, that can look like giving short, low-effort responses when you try to talk with them, or retreating to their room and sleeping a lot more than usual.
That stress doesn’t just affect their mind; it affects their body too. The good news is that there are ways to support your teen that work with their body, not against it.
Protecting mental health isn’t about ignoring challenges or pushing harder. It’s about learning to regulate their nervous system, build self-esteem, and create space for authenticity, even in a chaotic world.
If your teen seems stressed, withdrawn, or overwhelmed, here are 10 ways you can support them.
10 Ways to Support Your Teen’s Mental Health
1. Help Them Manage Stress Before Big Events
Tests, presentations, and even difficult conversations can really send your teen’s body into overdrive.
One way you can help is by encouraging simple grounding tools.
For some teens, it’s carrying a stone or coin in their pocket and running their fingers over it when they feel nervous.
For others, it’s slowing down to take a few deep breaths together. These little practices might seem small, but they can make a big difference in helping your teen step out of worry and back into the present.
2. Create Space Beyond Social Media
Scrolling through Instagram or TikTok can leave teens feeling like they’ll never measure up.
Instead of focusing only on limiting screen time, invite your teen into something fun that pulls them into the moment, like going for a drive, cooking together, playing a game, or just hanging out doing something they enjoy.
These moments naturally give them a break from scrolling without it feeling like a punishment. You can also model balance by putting your own phone aside during these times, showing that making room for joy and connection matters for everyone.
3. Celebrate Small Wins
Your teen doesn’t need a huge achievement to feel capable.
Confidence grows in little steps.
Pay attention to what they’ve got on their plate, and notice the effort they’re putting in, whether that’s finishing a big assignment, showing up to practice, or even just pushing through a tough day.
When you celebrate those small wins, like saying, “I know that project was a lot, let’s grab ice cream to celebrate”, you’re showing your teen that their effort matters. Those moments of being seen and valued remind them that progress doesn’t have to be big to be meaningful.
4. Support Authentic Self-Expression
Teens often feel pressure to fit in, and it can be hard for them to fully express what they enjoy.
One of the most supportive things you can do is show genuine interest in what lights them up. If they’re into anime or K-pop, watch or listen alongside them.
If they love a video game, grab a controller and play, even if you’re not good at it. If they have a hobby, help them dive deeper, whether that’s booking a concert, visiting a comic store, or signing them up for a class.
When you lean into their interests with them, you’re showing that what matters to them matters to you, and that kind of connection helps them feel valued and understood.
5. Build Predictable Routines
Life can feel unpredictable for teens, and routines bring a sense of stability, but these work best when your teen helps create them. Instead of setting the schedule for them, sit down together and ask questions that guide them toward what feels doable:
“When do you usually have the most energy?”
“Would you rather do your weekly chores on Saturday morning or Sunday?”
“After school, would you want to rest and eat first before homework, or dive right into homework?”
“Based on your schedule, what’s the best day to do your laundry?”
Once you’ve mapped out some rhythms, check back in after a week or two to see how they feel about it. Maybe they’ll realize, “I actually don’t like doing laundry on Wednesdays—I’d rather try Sunday mornings.”
Supporting them in this process not only helps them build routines that stick, but it also shows them they have a voice in shaping how they move through their days. If you would like to learn more about building routines and how they can support with overwhelm, check out our blog, How to Build a Daily Routine to Support Overwhelm.
6. Normalize Rest (Without Guilt)
Our culture often glorifies productivity, but rest is what truly restores the nervous system. Many teens feel like they always need to be “on”, rushing from activities to homework to tests without slowing down. For these teens, it can help to encourage intentional downtime: a nap after a long day, a quiet moment with no expectations, or simply giving permission to pause.
On the other hand, some teens spend a lot of time at home but still struggle to feel rested or motivated. In those cases, it’s worth gently exploring their sleep habits, like whether they’re staying up late and dragging through the day. Sometimes helping them set up a better sleep rhythm is the first step toward more energy and focus.
And in either case, modeling rest yourself, closing the laptop, putting the phone away, or taking a real break, shows your teen that rest isn’t lazy, it’s part of staying healthy.
7. Pay Attention to Social Dynamics
Friendships during the teen years can be complicated.
A hangout that’s fun one day might feel tense the next, and it’s not always obvious to a parent what’s going on.
Instead of labeling certain friends as “good” or “bad,” you can support your teen by creating space to talk about how different interactions make them feel.
That might look like asking gentle questions about conflict, noticing if they seem uneasy after certain social situations, or talking about what it means to feel safe and respected in a friendship.
Over time, these conversations can help your teen build awareness of the relationships that lift them up and recognize when a dynamic might be crossing into unhealthy territory.
We understand that talking with your teen might come with some challenges; that’s why we wrote a blog on ways to navigate those conversations. To learn more, check out Keys to Connection: Navigating Parent-Teen Communication.
8. Connect Mental Health to Nourishment
Teens don’t always connect how what they eat, or how much they sleep, affects how they feel. Skipping meals, relying on caffeine, or staying up late can all make stress and mood swings worse.
You can start these conversations early by talking about what’s good for the brain and body, and why both food and rest are essential fuel.
Encourage your teen to keep balanced meals, hydration, and regular sleep on their radar, not as rules to follow, but as tools that help them feel their best.
9. Model Self-Compassion Over Self-Criticism
The harshest voice many teens hear is their own. When they criticize themselves, their body reacts as if under attack.
Parents, your teen is listening to what you say, how you speak about them, AND how you speak about yourself.
So show your teen what compassion looks like; name your own mistakes gently, highlight their strengths, and encourage them to treat themselves with the same kindness they’d offer a friend.
10. Notice and Celebrate Everyday Joys
Life can feel heavy for teens, and joy often gets pushed aside. But small moments of joy are essential for balance.
Encourage your teen to notice the things that make them smile, laughing at a joke, hearing a favorite song, or watching the sky at sunset. These little sparks remind their nervous system that life isn’t all stress, and that relief and connection still exist even on hard days.
Just as important is creating regular spaces to connect. Since evenings can fly by with homework, dinner, and winding down, think about small rituals that invite conversation, like sitting at the table together without screens, taking a Saturday walk, or using car rides as a chance to catch up.
Some parents even keep a nightly check-in routine, chatting for a few minutes before bed. These rhythms don’t have to be long, but they show your teen you’re available, curious, and ready to listen.
Final thoughts
Parenting a teen today comes with so many unknowns. You want to protect them, but you also know they’re figuring out who they are and learning to stand on their own. It’s not easy watching them carry stress, and it can leave you wondering if you’re doing enough.
What I want you to remember is this…your teen doesn’t need you to have all the answers.
What they need most is your presence, your encouragement, and your willingness to walk alongside them as they navigate this stage of life.
Those small moments of support, listening without judgment, encouraging rest, celebrating little wins, and reminding your teen they’re not alone matter more than you might think. In our household, we talk about being a team: when one person is struggling, the others step in to help carry the load.
That could mean taking care of chores when someone’s sick, or simply being there with love and encouragement on a hard day. When your teen knows your family shows up for each other, even in the tough moments, it reinforces that they are cared for, supported, and never facing things on their own.
And if it feels like your teen is carrying more than they can handle on their own, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Therapy can give them a safe place to process, learn practical tools, and build confidence in themselves.
At Life By Design Therapy™, we have therapists who specialize in working with teens and young adults. Our therapists help them regulate their nervous system, ease the pressure they’re feeling, and step into a stronger sense of self.
Your teen deserves support. And you deserve to feel supported as a parent, too. We’d be honored to walk with you and your teen through this season.
Affirmations to Share with Your Teen
I’m growing a little every day, and that’s enough.
I can handle challenges one step at a time.
Being myself matters more than fitting in.
My voice has value, even if it sounds different from others.
My worth isn’t tied to grades, likes, or achievements.
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in learning more about mindfulness and living intentionally, check out these books below:
The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children by Dr. Shefali Tsabary
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff
Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
Keys to Connection: Navigating Parent-Teen Communication
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Do you remember your teenage years? I sure do; the whirlwind of emotions, growth spurts, and eye rolls. It was a challenging time for all of us. As we learned to navigate independence and figure out who we were, our parents probably wondered what was happening in our heads, mainly because it wasn’t “cool” to talk to our parents because they wouldn’t “get it”. Are you experiencing this situation with your own teen? If you are, I’m sure it can feel like a rollercoaster most days. In this blog, I will provide you with tools you can utilize to deepen your connection with your teen and create a safe environment for your relationship to thrive through communication.
Tools for Connecting With Your Teen
“I don’t know what to do anymore” or “Where do I begin?” are some common statements among parents with teens. Let me ask you a question, What are you feeling in those complex moments with your teen? Have you ever been aware of this? Do you ever get flushed, notice your heart rate increasing, or yell? The first place to start with navigating these moments with your teen is becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
When you notice you and your teen entering into a conversation remind yourself to be the water to their fire. You can’t fight fire with fire, so approaching with peace, empathy, and awareness will start the conversation off with a solid foundation. If you find that regulating your own emotions is difficult, try incorporating mindfulness into your day. For example, you can start your day by spending 5 minutes journaling, utilizing breathing techniques, and pausing for moments of gratitude throughout the day.
Step Into Their World
Empathy is the art of stepping into another's shoes, of experiencing their emotions as if they were your own. For parents, it's the ability to truly grasp the rollercoaster of feelings that adolescents ride daily. You can do this by remembering your teenage years – the excitement, the anxiety, the dreams, and the uncertainties. Your teenager's emotions may be different, but the intensity is familiar. Empathy can create a foundation of safety for your teen to open up with you.
However, empathy and non-judgment go hand-in-hand and it’s all too easy to slip into judgment when you’re a parent - to impose your experiences and expectations onto your teen's life. When your teenager expresses their thoughts or emotions, resist the urge to label or criticize their experience. Instead, create a haven where they feel free to be vulnerable without fearing criticism or punishment. Your role shifts from being an evaluator to a listener, which fosters an atmosphere of trust and open dialogue.
Pairing empathy and non-judgment with active listening can be the perfect communication cocktail. When your child knows you’re actively listening, it deepens the safety of your relationship, which deepens your connection. To actively listen you must have a mindful and engaged presence that reflects your commitment to understand what your teen might be trying to communicate. This is an opportunity for you to turn off the mental drafts of what you want to say next and be fully present. You can utilize reflective listening as well to confirm to them that they have been heard.
Somatic Techniques and Your Teen
As a teen, there are so many things happening at once within their inner selves. Not only are they learning to navigate a new body, but they’re also learning to navigate feelings and emotions that suddenly come up. Teens often grapple with a variety of feelings, ranging from excitement and curiosity to insecurity and frustration. As they journey through these intricate emotional realms, it's not uncommon for them to struggle with putting these emotions into words. Somatic techniques can be the supportive tool they need to make this connection between their mind and body. When they become more aware of what their body is communicating they will begin to learn how to articulate their emotions and what is occurring within their inner selves.
Final Thoughts
Building a lasting and loving relationship with your child yields an investment in yourself as well. We encourage you to support your teen by becoming aware of your own body and how it correlates to your emotions. Every step you take, and every conversation you have with your teen is just a brick that is being laid in the foundation of your relationship. We want you to remember that these connection goals take time. While you learn to have patience with your child, we encourage you to have patience with yourself as well.
Life By Design Therapy is here to support you and your family. If you are interested in learning more about how Somatic and Holistic Therapy can complement your life or your teen's life, we would love to hear from you. Please CLICK HERE to schedule your complimentary consultation and let’s figure out a plan together.
Additional Resources
If you would like additional resources on parent-teen communication, check out the reading list below.
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J. Siegel MD
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall by Anthony E. Wolf
UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World by Michele Borba
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
Keys to Connection: Navigating Parent-Teen Communication
by Melody Wright, LMFT
Do you remember your teenage years? I sure do; the whirlwind of emotions, growth spurts, and eye rolls. It was a challenging time for all of us. As we learned to navigate independence and figure out who we were, our parents probably wondered what was happening in our heads, mainly because it wasn’t “cool” to talk to our parents because they wouldn’t “get it”. Are you experiencing this situation with your own teen? If you are, I’m sure it can feel like a rollercoaster most days. In this blog, I will provide you with tools you can utilize to deepen your connection with your teen and create a safe environment for your relationship to thrive through communication.
Tools for Connecting With Your Teen
“I don’t know what to do anymore” or “Where do I begin?” are some common statements among parents with teens. Let me ask you a question, What are you feeling in those complex moments with your teen? Have you ever been aware of this? Do you ever get flushed, notice your heart rate increasing, or yell? The first place to start with navigating these moments with your teen is becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
When you notice you and your teen entering into a conversation remind yourself to be the water to their fire. You can’t fight fire with fire, so approaching with peace, empathy, and awareness will start the conversation off with a solid foundation. If you find that regulating your own emotions is difficult, try incorporating mindfulness into your day. For example, you can start your day by spending 5 minutes journaling, utilizing breathing techniques, and pausing for moments of gratitude throughout the day.
Step Into Their World
Empathy is the art of stepping into another's shoes, of experiencing their emotions as if they were your own. For parents, it's the ability to truly grasp the rollercoaster of feelings that adolescents ride daily. You can do this by remembering your teenage years – the excitement, the anxiety, the dreams, and the uncertainties. Your teenager's emotions may be different, but the intensity is familiar. Empathy can create a foundation of safety for your teen to open up with you.
However, empathy and non-judgment go hand-in-hand and it’s all too easy to slip into judgment when you’re a parent - to impose your experiences and expectations onto your teen's life. When your teenager expresses their thoughts or emotions, resist the urge to label or criticize their experience. Instead, create a haven where they feel free to be vulnerable without fearing criticism or punishment. Your role shifts from being an evaluator to a listener, which fosters an atmosphere of trust and open dialogue.
Pairing empathy and non-judgment with active listening can be the perfect communication cocktail. When your child knows you’re actively listening, it deepens the safety of your relationship, which deepens your connection. To actively listen you must have a mindful and engaged presence that reflects your commitment to understand what your teen might be trying to communicate. This is an opportunity for you to turn off the mental drafts of what you want to say next and be fully present. You can utilize reflective listening as well to confirm to them that they have been heard.
Somatic Techniques and Your Teen
As a teen, there are so many things happening at once within their inner selves. Not only are they learning to navigate a new body, but they’re also learning to navigate feelings and emotions that suddenly come up. Teens often grapple with a variety of feelings, ranging from excitement and curiosity to insecurity and frustration. As they journey through these intricate emotional realms, it's not uncommon for them to struggle with putting these emotions into words. Somatic techniques can be the supportive tool they need to make this connection between their mind and body. When they become more aware of what their body is communicating they will begin to learn how to articulate their emotions and what is occurring within their inner selves.
Final Thoughts
Building a lasting and loving relationship with your child yields an investment in yourself as well. We encourage you to support your teen by becoming aware of your own body and how it correlates to your emotions. Every step you take, and every conversation you have with your teen is just a brick that is being laid in the foundation of your relationship. We want you to remember that these connection goals take time. While you learn to have patience with your child, we encourage you to have patience with yourself as well.
Life By Design Therapy is here to support you and your family. If you are interested in learning more about how Somatic and Holistic Therapy can complement your life or your teen's life, we would love to hear from you. If you’re located in California, please click below to schedule your complimentary consultation and let’s figure out a plan together.
Additional Resources
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J. Siegel MD
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall by Anthony E. Wolf
UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World by Michele Borba
Navigating Back-to-School Anxiety: Practical Tips for Parents
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Do you remember how it felt when you started a new school year? The excitement and nervousness, or maybe even anxiety as you wondered about the new uncharted territory, hoping to make new friends, impress your teachers, and navigate the challenges of being a year older. As this school year started, maybe you’ve had some of those memories resurface as you witness your own child experiencing those same emotions.
Back-to-school anxiety is perfectly normal, and as a parent, you have the power to be your child’s anchor, guiding them through the feelings of uncertainty with love, understanding, and support. In this blog, we will discuss strategies to support your child through their emotions and foster a positive mindset for the rest of the school year.
Identifying Signs of Back-to-School Anxiety
Back-to-school anxiety is common among students. However, recognizing the signs of anxiety in children is crucial for providing timely support and understanding. Common signs of this type of anxiety can show itself in physical symptoms such as headaches, and stomachaches, or they might say they don’t feel well, especially when school-related discussions come up.
You might also notice behavioral changes such as increased clinginess, crying, or restlessness. Mood swings, irritability, and changes in sleep patterns can also be a sign that your child is experiencing some anxiety. However, some children may exhibit avoidance behaviors, such as resisting going to school or expressing a strong desire to stay home. Academic performance may also be affected. Your child might have their grades decline or they might become obsessively worried about their school work.
Therapist Tip: Being attentive to these signals you can provide the necessary support and reassurance to help children cope with their emotions and navigate the back-to-school transition.
Strategies for Supporting Your Child
Establish a Consistent Routine - For those with anxiety, knowing what comes next can provide a sense of stability and predictability. Create space for consistent meal times, study times, and family times. Your child might also need support with creating a routine around hygiene and self-care as well.
Encourage Expressive Arts & Journaling - Some kids have a difficult time finding the words to use to express how they are feeling. Expressive arts is a great way to release the emotions being felt through music or creating art. Journaling is a supportive tool for those who do not feel like speaking to someone about what they are feeling. Journaling provides a safe space to be fully vulnerable.
Foster a Growth Mindset - Encourage a growth mindset in your child by emphasizing the importance of learning, growth, and perseverance. Remind them that mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow and that it's okay not to have all the answers right away. This mindset shift can reduce the fear of failure and increase your child's resilience in the face of challenges.
Introduce Grounding Techniques -Teaching your child grounding techniques can support their emotional regulation for the rest of their life. Practice deep breathing, and meditation, and consider a grounding object that they can carry with them in their pocket to school.
Collaborate with a Therapist - Open communication is essential for supporting your child through their struggle, however, that doesn’t always come easy. Meeting regularly with a therapist will allow your child to engage in consistent opportunities to be vulnerable in an unbiased, non-judgmental space.
Final Thoughts
Supporting your child through their back-to-school anxiety requires patience, understanding, and empathy. By creating a nurturing environment at home and implementing some of the techniques above you can support your child in navigating these unknown territories. Remember that every child’s journey is unique to them, so approach this process with love, support, and flexibility.
Also, we want to acknowledge that this is challenging and complex for parents as well. Give yourself an empathetic and non-judgmental space as you journey through this side of parenting. If you are needing support as a parent or if your child is needing support, connect with our team. We have qualified therapists who are equipped with the tools you need to move forward on this journey.
CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation today.
Additional Resources
If you would like additional tools for supporting your child and yourself as a parent, check out the resources below.
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
Raising Critical Thinkers: A Parent's Guide to Growing Wise Kids in the Digital Ageby Julie Bogart
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
I Worry About Keeping My Child Safe, What Can I Do?
By Melody Wright, LMFT
Becoming a parent can be one of the most rewarding, exciting, and joyous times in someone’s life. It can also be one of the scariest, overwhelming, and emotional times in a parent’s life – both sets of emotions are valid and can be felt at the same time. Leading up to the arrival of a new baby, many parents talk about things to prepare for such as the cost of childcare, how to set up the nursery, and each parent’s approach to child rearing. Once a child has arrived, many parents realize that there are many important topics that may not have been on their radar prior to the child’s birth. These topics can include addressing issues that occurred during childbirth (traumatic births, unplanned c-sections, etc.), unexpected health concerns for your child, and discussing safety concerns in order to keep a child protected. All of these topics can leave a parent wondering, in a world that is full of unexpected changes and factors, how can I keep my child safe?
Keeping a child safe can look different depending on the context and setting that you’re in. Is your child a newborn? You may be trying to keep them safe from illness or unnecessary exposure to germs. Is your child a teenager? You may be trying to keep your teenager safe from cyberbullying or negative peer pressure. In a perfect world, we would be able to provide protection to our children in all settings and at all ages, yet we know this is not always feasible or realistic. Children need exposure to different settings and situations in order to learn how to navigate the world on their own. That said, we can still do our best to protect our children within certain settings, and teach our children how to stay safe.
Keeping your child safe can include:
Protecting them from illnesses such as RSV, the Flu, or Covid. Encourage your child to wear a mask whenever they are indoors or in crowded places. Talk with your partner about your stance and choice on vaccinations that can protect your child from respiratory and other illnesses. Remind your child to practice basic hand hygiene whenever they touch others or frequently-touched surfaces.
Setting boundaries with friends, family, and loved ones. Our friends and families may have the best intentions for our children, but their intentions may not always be in alignment with our parenting approach. It is important that you relay your expectations to your family members regarding their interactions with your child (no kissing your newborn’s face, asking for consent before hugging your toddler, not making negative comments regarding a challenge your teen is experiencing). If those expectations are not met, then you can decide the level of contact that you’d like to continue to have with this family member.
Teaching your child skills for personal safety. While we always strive to do our best to protect our children from physical harm, we know there will be a day when they will need to learn how to keep themselves safe. Whether you choose to enroll your child in a self-defense class, or use daily interactions to teach your child how to assess for danger, preparing your children to keep themselves safe can put some of your worries at ease.
Additional resources to learn more about child safety can be found here:
Protecting your child from Covid: https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/coronavirus-young-kids.html
General safety tips for children: https://www.ahaparenting.com/read/top-safety-tips-kids
If you find yourself having overwhelming thoughts that your child will be harmed or consistent worries about your child’s health and well-being, you may benefit from speaking to one of our licensed therapists. Parents who have recently welcomed a child into their home can be particularly vulnerable to experiencing a Perinatal Mood Disorder after the delivery of a new child. A mood disorder can significantly affect how often a parent worries for their child’s safety, often to the point of losing sleep or being unable to attune to their child’s needs. Support and information from a mental health provider can begin to reduce a new parent’s concerns and improve their overall mood and attunement. For more information on connecting to one of our licensed therapists, click here.
Signs of “Toxic” Parenting: How you can support your teen
By Melody Wright, LMFT
As part of our current monthly blog series, we’ve learned about the different factors that can contribute to and impact our teen’s mental health. We’ve also learned what warning signs we should look out for that warrant an immediate connection to a Mental Health professional, as well as what resources to tap into if we suspect that our teen is struggling with their Mental Health. While many of these factors can be created by situations that we have little control over, such as school stressors or peer pressure from friends, some factors can come as a direct result of our interactions as parents.
Many parents are unaware of the ways in which their parenting style or approach may be impacting their teens. Although at times unintentional, certain parenting approaches may negatively impact a teen’s mental and emotional health. Some of the behaviors that negatively impact a teen’s mental health, which at times are labeled as “toxic,” can include:
Yelling, name-calling, or consistently assigning blame
Using the “silent treatment” as punishment or gaslighting others to avoid accepting responsibility
Manipulating emotions by using guilt or shame
Being overly critical, invading privacy, or attempting to control all aspects of your teen’s life
Lacking boundaries
Some of these behaviors can be more easily identified than others. While yelling can be easy to recognize, assigning blame or “gaslighting” can be harder to acknowledge or point out. We also know that some of these behaviors may have been learned from our own parents or cultures, which makes it difficult to recognize that they may not be appropriate, or difficult to understand why we shouldn’t use them with our own children.
Many of us can remember certain statements, actions, or behaviors that our parents or guardians used to exhibit that made us sad, frustrated, or angry. Over time, constant exposure to these behaviors can severely impact a person’s mental health. On the contrary, exposure to empathetic and supportive behaviors can improve their mental health, and foster a relationship that can make it easier for our teens to reach out to us when they need help. These behaviors include, but are not limited to, the following:
Spending one-on-one time with your teen. This can help provide you with the time and space you need to talk to your teen about what is going on in their lives. Over time, your teen may feel comfortable enough to explain what may be impacting their Mental Health.
Listening to your child when they share there is something wrong, and not jumping to solutions or conclusions without discussing it with them first.
Having empathy for what your child is going through. While you may not understand why your child feels so strongly about a certain event or circumstance, it is important that you understand and care about what they’re experiencing.
Being kind, clear, and consistent when it comes to your teen’s need for privacy and boundaries.
Providing your teen with a sense of autonomy and respecting their space.
When emotions are high, setting a different time to have a conversation can help minimize the likelihood that you or your child will speak out of anger. Yelling, cursing, or using behaviors such as the silent treatment, are not conducive to having a productive conversation and can lead to hurt feelings. When you create a safe space to speak to your child, you increase your chances of having a more positive outcome.
Our ability to regulate our emotions, respect our teen’s space, approach their needs in a respectful manner, and have open and honest conversations with them can positively impact our relationship with our teen, as well as their overall Mental Health. If you’d like to learn more about how to adjust your parenting approach to better fit your child’s needs, or are in need of support with your own Mental health, please reach out to us by scheduling a phone consultation.
5 Tips For Communicating With Your Teen
by Nia Saunders, PhD
There are many reasons for conflict between teens and their parents/families. Teens are starting to be more independent, they become increasingly more oriented towards their friends, and they can make impulsive decisions. For parents, there can be conflict around teens challenging adult authority and exploring their identities. All of these factors make it a common time for increased tension in families with teens. The following tips will show how to improve communication with your teens and build stronger relationships.
1. Listen and show respect for their voice:
As a psychologist who works with teens, one of the most frequent concerns that teens share with me is that their parent or caregiver “doesn’t listen.” The examples they share include: parents judging, dismissing their opinions, or giving unasked for advice.When talking with your teen, listen attentively and hold judgment. Listening means actively trying to understand what they are saying, not just listening to respond. Ask if they need to vent or if they need advice. Sometimes, they may just want you to listen, rather than go into fix-it mode. Remember, part of their task at this stage of development is to find their voice. You can support them to do this by listening and reassuring them that their voice matters.
2. Validate their feelings:
Think about how it feels when you share a story about something that upset you, and the response you get is “why are you making such a big deal.” Does that make you want to share more? Probably not. One way to show teens respect is to validate their emotions. This means to show that you understand how something may be affecting them. Things that seem minor from our adult perspectives are really important to them. For example, teens tend to think about their lives as a “personal fable,” a unique story in which they are the star character. This means getting a pimple or going through a breakup can feel like the end of the world. Suggesting they are being dramatic or saying “it’s not that big a deal” invalidates their emotions and causes them to shut down. It can also cause feelings of shame.
Using language like “That’s frustrating” or “I see why this is upsetting” makes them feel understood and encourages them to express themselves. This ultimately helps them feel more in control of their emotions. Validation doesn’t mean agreement. You may not think their recent fight with a friend is a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Validation means that you acknowledge it’s important to them and you’re recognizing their emotions in the moment. Acknowledging their feelings supports them to feel their emotions, without dismissing, minimizing, or trying to immediately fix them. Validation is a powerful strategy for helping teens feel heard and valued.
3. Control your own emotions.
Parents and families can be triggered by their teens’ emotions or behaviors for many reasons. There may be cultural factors, increased family stress, or the parent/caregiver’s own trauma. It’s important to check in with yourself to determine why the teen is triggering a negative emotion. Teens are still learning and growing. The prefrontal cortex (part of the brain that controls impulses and regulates emotions and behaviors) doesn’t finish developing until the age of 25! This means teens still need a calm, trusted adult to help them navigate everyday life. Teens tend to be hypersensitive to facial expressions and tone of voice. They can detect sarcasm and when they’re being criticized or judged. Staying neutral when communicating with them can prevent escalation of a situation, especially if they’re already upset.
4. Know the common stressors for teens:
There is so much happening during the teenage years. They deal with increased academic pressure at school. Physically, they are going through the changes of puberty and may be more self-conscious about their appearance. Socially, they may be exposed to peer pressure during a time when approval by their friends is so important to them. Friend groups change and they may begin dating. This makes them more sensitive to social rejection and how they are perceived. Teens are also aware of the social and political climate and youth of color experience distress related to current events. Teens who belong to marginalized groups, like LGB, trans, or gender nonconforming youth, are at increased risk of bullying, homelessness, and mental health concerns like depression or anxiety. Knowing what teens are dealing with can help adults have more compassion and recognize the importance of supportive relationships with good communication.
5. Give them credit:
Sometimes, adults have a dismissive “you’re just a teen” attitude.This comes across as condescending. Even though teens care what their friends think, they still care about their family’s opinion of them. They want to know you think they’re great. It’s important to highlight their strengths and what you admire about them. This helps strengthen their self-esteem and motivates them to keep up the good work. Even when you disapprove of their choices or behavior, it’s important for them to know you still think they are good people. Giving teens credit and praising them for the things they are doing right helps them to feel good about themselves.
There are so many things that are exciting about the teen years. Teens seek out new experiences, have creative ideas, and explore their identities in ways that differ from other age groups. Using these tips to communicate can help your teen in feeling valued and important. It also makes them more likely to turn towards you, rather than away, in times of need.
Therapy reflections:
What was your experience of being a teen like?
Did you feel like you could talk to adults about what was going on? Why or why not?
How can you use these tips for talking to the teens in your life?
Resources:
Michaela Horn: Teen Stress from a Teen Perspective: https://youtu.be/FhG-VoRtkKY
Dr. Adriana Galvan: Insight into the Teenage Brain- Ted Talk: https://youtu.be/LWUkW4s3XxY
Dr. Dan Siegel : The Adolescent Brain: https://youtu.be/0O1u5OEc5eY