How to Use Affirmations to Build Self-Worth
By Melody Wright, LMFT
I often see people come into sessions feeling defeated by their own inner dialogue.
They’ve tried to shift it by trying positive affirmations, but the words don’t seem to land.
If you’ve ever said an affirmation like, “I am enough,” only to feel discomfort, disbelief, or even shame in response, there are so many people who feel the same way.
However, I want you to know that you’re not doing it wrong.
The response you feel can be deeply informative.
It tells you something about your nervous system and how it’s been shaped by past experiences.
“Your self-worth isn’t just a mindset. It’s a lived experience in the body”
When your nervous system has learned to be hypervigilant, shut down, or stuck in survival mode, it’s not concerned with worthiness. It’s focused on protection. This means that trying to think your way into self-worth with affirmations can feel jarring, even threatening, if your body doesn’t yet feel safe.
As a somatic therapist, I’ve learned that healing isn’t just about thinking differently; it’s about feeling safer and more connected in your body.
Affirmations are just one piece, but when paired with nervous system awareness and gentle regulation, they can help us start to rewire those deeply held beliefs.
Are Affirmations a Form of Shadow Work?
In many ways, yes.
Shadow work is about meeting the parts of ourselves we’ve exiled, whether out of shame, fear, or protection.
Affirmations often reveal those shadows.
When you say, “I am worthy,” and a voice inside says, “That’s not true,” you’ve just found a part of yourself that still needs healing.
That discomfort isn’t a sign to stop.
The process of practicing affirmations can reveal the parts of us that still hold doubt or pain.
They bring up the wounded parts, the protectors, the stories we’ve internalized.
In this way, they can surface the unconscious, just like shadow work does.
The key is to stay curious and compassionate toward whatever arises in response.
When you bump up against a block, it’s not a dead end. It’s your nervous system’s way of saying, “There’s something here that still needs care.”
What Are Common Blocks to Practicing Affirmations?
A block might show up as a tight chest, a sinking feeling in your stomach, or an inner voice that scoffs.
It might be rooted in early relationships where love had to be earned, or times when hope was followed by hurt.
Whatever form it takes, a block is usually your body’s attempt to protect you from perceived threat, even if that threat is something as simple as believing you're enough.
If affirmations bring up discomfort, that’s okay.
That discomfort is a messenger.
Take a moment to slow down and ask, “Which part of me doesn’t believe this yet? What does it need?”
Some other common things you might experience are:
🌻 Feeling fake or silly
🌻 Shame or grief surfacing
🌻 A sense of misalignment because the affirmations don’t match your lived experience
🌻 Fear around believing good things might lead to disappointment
But...how do you start this journey? You’ll find out by the end of this blog! 😉
4 Ways to Make Affirmations More Effective and Meaningful
Affirmations don’t work just because we repeat them over and over; they work when our body feels grounded enough to receive them.
When your nervous system feels overwhelmed or shut down, even the most well-meaning affirmation can bounce off.
But when you feel steady, calm, and connected, there’s more space for those words to take root.
Here’s what helps:
1️⃣ Regulation comes first: Start affirmations when you feel relatively calm. Or use regulating tools (breath, grounding, gentle movement) to create that calm as you speak them.
2️⃣ Keep them believable: An affirmation like "I’m learning how to feel safe in my body" may land better than "I love everything about myself."
3️⃣ Use the body as a bridge: Place a hand on your heart or belly, soften your jaw, or sway gently. This signals to your system that it’s okay to receive new input.
4️⃣ Say them in a place that feels safe: Repetition matters, but so does the context. Try affirmations in places that feel warm and supportive.
Once your body feels supported and safe enough to take in the words, the next step is allowing those affirmations to move from something you say… to something you start to believe.
How To Start Believing Your Affirmations
You try to affirm something good about yourself… but there’s that part of you that pulls back.
It’s hard when the words feel so far from your truth.
That space in between, between saying it and actually believing it, is where the real work begins.
Making that shift from saying the words to truly feeling them takes:
🌻 Nervous system safety
🌻 Time and repetition
🌻 Curiosity about what’s in the way
“We’re not trying to overwrite your history; we’re creating space for new stories to emerge.”
Think of affirmations as seeds.
If the soil is still frozen by fear or trauma, nothing can grow.
But if we warm the soil with regulation and care, those seeds (even tiny ones like “I’m not broken”) can begin to take root.
How Can You Start Your Affirmation Journey?
Your affirmation practice doesn’t have to be loud or polished.
In fact, the gentlest openings are often the most transformative.
If the idea of affirmations feels overwhelming, start by noticing your internal response.
What arises in your body when you say something kind to yourself? Is there tightening, resistance, or a feeling of emptiness?
These are all clues that your nervous system is communicating with you.
The goal isn’t to push past the discomfort but to stay with it just long enough to offer warmth.
Small, compassionate truths are powerful. Try starting with:
“It’s okay to go slow.”
“I’m learning to listen to myself.”
“I’m open to the idea that I might be worthy.”
“I’m doing the best I can with what I know.”
And if some days the words feel unfamiliar or a little out of reach, that’s okay. Letting them feel awkward, clunky, or new is still a beautiful place to begin.
Final Thoughts
Affirmations are not about ignoring pain or pretending to be okay.
They’re about creating new possibilities through repetition, regulation, and relationship.
As a somatic therapist, I’ve seen how powerful this work can be when we bring the body along for the journey.
You deserve to feel safe.
You deserve to feel worthy.
Let’s give your nervous system the conditions it needs to believe that.❤️
This Weeks Affirmations
I am learning to feel safe in my body.
Safety is a feeling I’m growing into.
I can hold space for who I am and who I’m becoming
I can move at the pace my body needs.
I don’t have to earn my worth; I already have it.
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in learning more about ways to build your self-worth, check out these books below:
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff
Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
6 Ways to Return to the Present When Your Mind Won’t Stay Put
By Melody Wright, LMFT
When it’s hard to focus, it’s easy to blame things like too much screen time, not enough willpower, or falling behind on another productivity hack.
But struggling to focus usually isn’t about a lack of discipline; it could be your body or mind trying to tell you something.
Sometimes we push past those signals without even realizing it.
We distract ourselves because sitting with what we’re really feeling can be uncomfortable.
Distraction isn’t a bad habit; it can actually be a way our system protects us from feeling overwhelmed.
You might notice your attention slipping when there’s something underneath the surface that hasn’t had space to be felt. And the more we ignore that, the harder it is to stay present.
But when we pause and notice what’s really going on inside, it becomes easier to come back to the present moment.
Regaining focus is possible, you just need to learn how to build awareness around your patterns. And that starts with paying attention to what’s happening within.
Instead of jumping straight into strategies, it’s worth taking a moment to look at what’s actually pulling your focus away in the first place.
Understanding the Root of Distraction
Distraction May Be a Symptom of Unseen Stress and Disregulation
Distraction is frequently misunderstood as laziness or a lack of motivation.
It’s easy to overlook or misunderstand, but sometimes what looks like distraction or shutdown is really the nervous system’s way of saying, “This feels like too much.”
Sometimes the overwhelm is obvious, like when you're under pressure or juggling too many demands.
Other times, it can be the subtle emotions that linger, an unresolved tension in the background, or the result of pushing through for too long without rest.
Before jumping into another productivity hack or forcing yourself to push through, try asking:
✔️Has my body had time to rest lately?
✔️ Is something I’m avoiding trying to surface?
✔️ What emotions or sensations have I been brushing past?
These aren’t questions to answer quickly, they’re invitations to slow down and get curious about what’s happening beneath the surface.
We Often Override the Signals Meant to Guide Us
Many of us have learned to push through discomfort.
We override the tightness in our chest, the racing thoughts, or the fatigue behind our eyes.
We reach for caffeine, open another tab, or power through our to-do list, believing that more effort will bring clarity.
But what if:
That stomach ache may be anxiety.
That foggy head could be stress, grief, or unmet needs.
That impulse to scroll might be your system asking for a pause… not more pressure.
Overriding these signals creates a loop: the more we ignore, the louder the body speaks, often through distraction, discomfort, or shutdown.
Reconnection begins with permission:
✔️Permission to slow down
✔️Permission to feel what’s there
✔️Permission to respond instead of override
Once we begin listening to these signals with curiosity instead of judgment, we can start using supportive tools that help us stay grounded and present.
6 Coping Skills That Support Focus Through the Body and Nervous System
So, what can you do to actually refocus when your mind is scattered and your body’s feeling off?
Here are a few body-based strategies to try:
1. Let Your Body Give You Feedback
When focus fades, returning to your body can help you understand why. The body has a way of picking up on things before the mind does.
You might notice your shoulders are tight, your jaw is clenched, or your breath is shallow.
These signals matter.
Somatic Tip: The next time you feel your attention starts to shift, try:
✔️ Pause and place a hand on your chest or belly
✔️ Ask, “What am I feeling physically right now?
✔️ Notice without needing to change anything
Even a brief pause to check in can interrupt the cycle of distraction and create space to refocus with more intention.
2. Use Grounding Practices to Come Back to the Moment
Being present doesn’t always come naturally, especially in overstimulating or emotionally charged environments.
Grounding practices can give your body and brain the cues they need to settle into the moment.
Somatic Tip: If your mind keeps drifting or your body feels tense, try these grounding tools to bring yourself back to the present moment.
✔️ Feel your feet: Press them into the floor. Shift your weight side to side.
✔️ Orient visually: Look around the room. Name five things you see.
✔️ Breathe rhythmically: Inhale for four counts, exhale for six. Repeat gently.
These aren't tools for forcing yourself to concentrate, they’re ways to support your body so it can come back to the task at hand more easily.
3. Help Your Nervous System Feel Safe
The ability to focus depends on whether your nervous system feels safe, not just in your environment, but inside your body.
When there’s a sense of internal threat or unrest, focus often gives way to survival-based responses like hypervigilance, avoidance, or shutdown.
This internal threat can simply be uncomfortable emotions being avoided, or stress from having too much on your plate.
You might notice this when:
✔️ You feel scattered, no matter how much you care about the task
✔️ You start something and instantly want to do something else
✔️ Your body is buzzing with energy, but you're too drained to focus
Somatic Tip: When your nervous system is feeling overwhelmed, try small, soothing movements that communicate safety to your body:
✔️ Swaying slowly side to side or rocking forward and back
✔️ Using gentle pressure on your arms and legs, or wrap yourself in a blanket
✔️ Stepping outside for fresh air and a reset
Small physical shifts like these can help your system settle, and focus often returns when there’s a sense of safety.
4. Work With Your Natural Rhythms
Strict routines can backfire when you're already running on low capacity.
Instead of holding yourself to rigid expectations, try working within your natural rhythms, your energy cycles, emotional waves, and the signals your body sends throughout the day.
Somatic Tip: Notice when your energy naturally rises and dips throughout the day. Then experiment with flexible structures that work with your body, not against it:
✔️ Focus sprints: Work for 25–45 minutes, then take a break
✔️ Anchor points: Use small rituals like making your favorite cup of tea, stretching, or soft lighting to begin or end focus periods
✔️ Energy mapping: Track when you feel most alert or calm during the day and schedule tasks accordingly
This approach treats focus as something to support, not something to control. It makes room for rest and presence to exist side by side, so you can recharge without completely checking out.
5. Gently Bring Your Attention Back When It Wanders
Distraction is part of being human.
The goal isn’t to eliminate it, but rather to become aware that it’s happening and give yourself compassion when it does.
When your mind wanders, try responding with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.
Somatic Tip: When you catch your mind wandering, take a breath and gently guide it back, without judgment. Try saying to yourself:
✔️ “It’s okay. Let’s come back to this.”
✔️ “I can start again from right here.”
✔️ “Distraction is normal. I’m still showing up.”
Focus becomes more sustainable when it feels safe to return, again and again.
6. Use Your Senses to Support Focus
Sensory input can help the body orient and settle.
Consider creating small sensory rituals that signal to your system, “This is a time for focus.”
Somatic Tip: Choose one or two sensory rituals to help signal to your body that it’s time to settle in:
✔️ Scent: Use essential oils like rosemary, citrus, or cedarwood
✔️ Sound: Play instrumental or ambient nature sounds
✔️ Touch: Keep a smooth stone, soft fabric, or grounding object nearby
✔️ Taste: Sip something warm and calming before you begin
These simple cues offer familiarity and comfort, which can reduce resistance and help your body ease into focus.
Final Thoughts
Focus isn’t just a mental task, it’s a full-body experience.
It’s shaped by how we listen to ourselves, how we respond to our needs, and how we treat the parts of us asking to be noticed.
When distraction shows up, it’s not always a sign to push harder. Sometimes it’s a quiet signal from within, asking for a moment of care.
The invitation isn’t to force more effort. It’s to pause. To feel. To respond instead of override. And to return, to yourself over and over again.
This Weeks Affirmations
It’s safe for me to slow down and listen to what I need.
Focus grows when I feel safe, supported, and seen by myself.
I honor what’s present, even when it’s uncomfortable.
I can meet myself with patience, even when my mind wanders.
I don’t have to push through—I can pause and respond.
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in learning more about ways to support focus, presence, and nervous system awareness, check out these books below:
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D
Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation by Deb Dana
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle
When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor Maté
Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention—And How to Think Deeply Again by Johann Hari
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.