The Journey Within: 10 Ways to Conquer Self-Doubt

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you ever find yourself wrestling with doubts about your abilities, worth, or place in the world? If you answered “yes”, we want you to know that you're not alone. Self-doubt is a common experience that can plague even the most confident people. It has the ability to cast shadows of uncertainty on our thoughts and actions. Yet,   you have the potential for profound transformation—a journey from self-doubt to self-love.

In this blog post, we'll explore some actionable steps to replace self-doubt with confidence and self-love. Whether you're grappling with fleeting moments of insecurity or facing persistent doubts that overshadow your life, this blog will support the path toward greater self-compassion, resilience, and inner peace.

From Doubt To Empowerment 

This journey from having negative thoughts or self-doubt to embracing an empowered mindset is something that requires commitment to self-awareness, self-compassion, and mindful actions geared toward cultivating a positive self-image. It’s not about erasing all doubts overnight but rather about developing inner resilience and self-acceptance to navigate through them with grace when they arise. Here are some essential steps to guide you through this transformation process. 

1. Acknowledge Your Self-Doubt: The first step in transforming self-doubt is to become aware of it and acknowledge it. This self-awareness will support you in recognizing when self-doubt comes through and how it manifests in your thoughts and behaviors.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would treat a close friend. Hold a non-judgmental space and allow self-compassion to come through. This allows you to be gentle with yourself when facing difficult situations or perceived failures. Instead of harsh self-criticism, offer yourself words of encouragement and support.

3. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Pay attention to your inner dialogue and challenge negative self-talk. When you notice yourself doubting your abilities or worth, counter those thoughts with positive affirmations and realistic perspectives. Remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and past successes. You can say things such as, “It’s ok, I can handle it better next time”, or “I can”. 

4. Set Realistic Goals: Break down your goals into smaller, achievable steps. Setting realistic goals helps prevent feelings of overwhelm and inadequacy. Celebrate each milestone you reach, no matter how small, because every step contributes to your growth and progress.

5. Stop the Comparison: Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your personal growth and development. Remember that everyone is at a different stage in life, everyone was raised differently, carries different perspectives, and has different obstacles in their life. Embrace your journey of continuous improvement, knowing that progress takes time and effort. Cultivate a growth mindset that views challenges as opportunities for learning and self-discovery.

6. Practice Gratitude: Keep gratitude at the forefront of your mind by acknowledging the positive aspects of your life. Reflect on the things you appreciate about yourself and your experiences. Gratitude helps shift your perspective from what you lack to what you already have, which will help foster self-love and contentment.

7. Engage in Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This could include exercise, healthy eating, relaxation techniques, hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or seeking professional support when needed. Taking care of yourself demonstrates self-love and reinforces your worthiness of care and attention. This step will also help you discover things that make YOU happy rather than following the outside influences telling you what will make you happy.

8. Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, or mentors who uplift and encourage you. Seek out positive influences that affirm your worth and capabilities. Having this strong support system can boost your confidence and help you navigate through moments of doubt.

9. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: Cultivate mindfulness through practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or mindfulness exercises. Mindfulness helps you observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment, allowing you to develop greater self-awareness and acceptance. Over time, mindfulness can reduce the intensity of self-doubt and foster a greater sense of inner peace and acceptance.

10. Seek Professional Help if Needed: If self-doubt significantly impacts your daily life or mental health, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. Therapy can help you get to the root of where your negative self-talk might come from and provide you with tools and strategies to address the underlying issues, build self-esteem, and cultivate self-love in a safe and supportive environment. You might find that narrative therapy, holistic therapy, and somatic therapy can be especially supportive for boosting self-esteem. 

Final Thoughts

We want you to remember that transforming self-doubt and negative self-talk into self-love is a gradual process that requires patience, persistence, and self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself as you walk out this journey of self-discovery and growth. If you find that you are interested in therapy to support this journey, consider meeting with one of our skilled clinicians here at Life By Design Therapy. Our therapists specialize in Holistic and Somatic Therapy and they are ready to customize your care within a secure environment. Click HERE to schedule a free consultation today. 

Affirmations for Self-Doubt 

1. "I am capable of overcoming any challenges that come my way."

2. "I trust in my ability to make sound decisions."

3. "I am deserving of success and happiness."

4. "I recognize my strengths and value my unique qualities."

5. "I choose to believe in myself, even when faced with uncertainty."

Additional Resources 

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on growing your confidence, check out these books below:

1. "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown

2. "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff 

3. "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead" by Brené Brown

4. "Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach

5. “The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself" by Michael A. Singer

6. "Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ" by Daniel Goleman

7. "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson

8. "You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life" by Jen Sincero

9. "Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear" by Elizabeth Gilbert

10. "The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment" by Eckhart Tolle

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

Empower Your Inner Self: 10 Steps to Elevate Your Self-Esteem

by Melody Wright, LMFT

In a world with social media highlight reels and what seem to be perfectly curated personas, it’s not always easy to feel the freedom to be yourself. Living in the age of influencers and filtered realities, we can find our authentic selves becoming lost in the noise. Yet, authenticity is where your true power lies, it’s the source of genuine self-esteem and confidence. The rise of low self-esteem is a significant and widespread issue, but why? How can we learn to live authentically? In this blog, we'll look at how being authentic can boost your self-worth and discover 10 mindful steps you can take to become more confident and comfortable with who you are. 

Why is Low Self-Esteem So Profound? 

1. Social Media and Comparison Culture: The presence of social media platforms can lead to a comparison mindset. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem when you believe you don't measure up to the images and experiences you see online.

2. Societal Pressure: Society tend to place immense pressure on us to conform to certain standards of beauty, success, and achievement. These unrealistic expectations can make us feel that we are never "good enough," no matter what we do.

3. Bullying and Cyberbullying: Bullying, whether in person or online, can have a devastating impact on your self-esteem and mental health. The constant fear of being ridiculed or belittled can erode one's self-worth.

4. Economic Insecurity: Economic instability and uncertainty can create anxiety and self-doubt. That can include financial difficulties, unemployment, etc which can lead to a sense of failure and diminished self-esteem.

5. Isolation and Loneliness: Despite the connectedness facilitated by technology, many people can experience deep feelings of loneliness and isolation. These emotions can contribute to poor mental health because it may cause feeling of being unwanted or unimportant.

6. Pressure to Achieve and Perform: There's often a relentless drive to achieve and perform at the highest levels in various aspects of life, from academics and career to personal relationships. This intense pressure can lead to a fear of failure, which can take a toll on your mental health. 

7. Mental Health Issues: Mental health problems like anxiety, depression, and eating disorders can profoundly impact self-esteem. The negative thought patterns associated with these conditions can reinforce feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.

8. Childhood Experiences: Early experiences, particularly in childhood, can shape your self-esteem. Negative or traumatic experiences during the early years can leave lasting scars on one's self-worth. 

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Cultivate Authenticity 

Low self-esteem can cast a shadow over every aspect of our lives, which can hold us back from reaching our full potential and experiencing the fulfillment we deserve. But the good news is that self-esteem is not immovable; it's a quality that can be nurtured and strengthened over time. However, remember that these tools are not overnight solutions, but rather tools to help cultivate a deep and lasting sense of self-worth. 

1. Get to Know YOU: We spend most of our time being told what we should like, how we should look, what we should buy, and what we should accomplish to be successful. However, we usually don’t take the time to get to know ourselves. Ask yourself “what do I want” and “what do I like”, then enjoy the journey free of judgement.

2. Increase Self Awareness: The more you begin to learn about who you are, the more you’ll want to become aware of your thoughts, patterns, and feelings. Mindful journaling and meditation can support you as you check in with yourself.

3. Use Positive Affirmations: As you become aware of your thoughts, patterns, and feelings, you can challenge the negative thoughts with affirming ones. As you utilize affirmations, you can rewire your thinking to move into a place of self-love, self-empowerment, and self-compassion which will boost your self-esteem.

4. Develop Healthy Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining boundaries is a vital aspect of self-care. It ensures the protection of your mental and emotional well-being. Learning to say "no" when necessary and prioritize your own needs, without guilt, can support with self-empowerment and honoring your own thoughts and feelings.

5. Set Realistic Goals: Setting achievable goals, whether small or large, is essential for improving self-esteem. These goals serve as stepping stones to success, boosting your confidence as you accomplish them. Be sure to celebrate your achievements, no matter how modest they may seem.

6. Limit Self-Comparison: Try limiting your time on social media. The time you do spend there, remind yourself that many people you see only share the highlights of their life. They are a human just like you.

7. Create a Self-Love Journal: Consider creating a journal space to write down things you like about yourself. You can use this as a place to dump your thoughts and feelings, write affirmations and cultivate gratitude for yourself and your life.

8. Attune to your Body: Pay attention to your body and its needs. Engage in regular physical activity, eat nourishing foods, and get enough rest. When you feel well physically, it supports your mental and emotional health leading to a positive self-image.

9. Consider Creative Expression: As you learn about who you’re authentic self is, consider expressing yourself creatively. Trying new hobbies allow you to expand your mind. The act of creation can also create a sense of accomplishment.

10. Build A Network: Having those around you who see your true self can support in building you up, which can boost your moral. Considering therapy for self-growth and working through traumas can also cultivate a sense self-compassion and encouragement. 

Final Thoughts

Boosting your self-esteem is a journey that unfolds over time. Remember, it’s not about perfection; it's about self-acceptance and growth. As you to explore these approaches, be kind to yourself, and know that your journey is unique. With patience and dedication, you can build a healthier and more confident relationship with yourself, unlocking the potential for a more fulfilling and authentic life. If building a support network is one of the tools you decide to try, consider reaching out to one of our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy. If you’re in California and interested in our holistic and somatic therapy services, click below to schedule your free phone consultation today.

Additional Resources

1. ”Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead" by Brené Brown

2. ”The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life” (Mark Manson Collection)

3. ”Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff

4. ”Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers

5. ”The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt" by Russ Harris

6. ”Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones” by James Clear

7. ”A Renaissance of Our Own: A Memoir & Manifesto on Reimagining” by Rachel E. Cargle

8. ”You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by Jen Sincero

Diamond in the Rough: How to Reveal the Hidden Gems in Saying “No”

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

  Saying “No” Can Be Illuminating

 A few years ago, a friend of my partner and I asked about staying at our place during a road trip up the California Coast. She and a friend of hers were going to be passing by the Bay Area on a weeknight. While we were thrilled to hear from her, my partner and I both had to work that week and had no chance to take time off. We considered our needs and her request carefully. We absolutely wanted to reminisce about our college days and laugh until our faces hurt. We also knew that having our friend and her companion stay over would lead to staying up too late and feeling drained the next day. Ultimately, after a thoughtful assessment of what we had going on in our life, we decided we weren’t going to be able to host a sleepover. 

 We relayed this boundary to our friend, letting her know we would love to have her over on a weekend. Our friend took this boundary personally, suggesting that we had made this decision for other reasons. Sadly, she also declined to talk things through with my partner, who had been friends with her for much longer. We felt surprised and disheartened by her response. We wanted to authentically offer our space, time and attention when we were able to give it freely rather than allow resentment and dishonesty to damage our relationship by saying “yes.”  While it was an uncomfortable experience, we also came to grips with the lack of trust in the friendship. 

 Ideally, we would have liked to connect empathetically with our friend, listening to how she experienced the boundary we set as well as being offered the opportunity to share where we were coming from at the time. This experience exposed the relationship cracks and fissures that were already there. While we’re still open to mending the rift between us, we also accept that we may never get that chance.
 

Heteropatriarchy and the “Caregiver” Role

 So much of the time, many of us believe we have to offer care or resources to someone who is asking, sometimes simply because they are asking. We feel pressured to acquiesce to requests even though there is a very vocal part of us who knows we don’t have the energy or capacity. In particular, people socialized as women or feminine have been told that their success in caregiving roles equates to their worth as a person. When the expectations of this role conflicts with one’s personal needs, the resulting shame and guilt can be debilitating. This identity as “caregiver” comes with unspoken expectations and extends into all areas of life--work, friendships, family dynamics. These expectations may look like:

•  doing tasks outside of your job description that others are fully capable of doing themselves, 

• being available by phone all of the time, 

• assumption that you are always emotionally available, or

• coordinating all of the family gathering
  

Heteropatriarchy rests on the gender binary system--an insistence that there are only two options for humans: man and woman. Furthermore, “man” must assert his power over “woman” in all arenas of society (family, work, government, etc.), lest a complete breakdown of the world as we know it occurs. Powerful men can’t be caring or show emotion because that would be weak. Heteropatriarchal gender norms dictate that being a “good woman” means self-sacrifice and being a “good man” means dehumanization. This setup is just that: a setup for human beings to feel unhappy, unfulfilled and isolated. Being honest with yourself about what you want and how you feel honors your true self and is a courageous holistic practice. 

Saying “No” Can Be a Gift 

Saying “no” can be an opportunity for your coworker, friend or loved one to seek out more support in places they didn’t previously know existed. They may learn a new skill they didn’t know before because you (or someone else) had been doing it for them. 

Saying “no” can free up opportunities for you to also get creative. Knowing your “no” means letting go of all of the “what-ifs” and “shoulds” that makes decision-making hazy. That’s when we feel stuck and helpless. Getting in touch with where you stand means feeling grounded and centered in your truth.

I invite you to explore how you know your “no.” Is it a thought? A memory or image? A sensation? An emotion? What needs might you be meeting by honoring your “no”? Spend some time with your “no” and get curious about it. What can you learn from your “no” right now?

Reflections on Reaching Out

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

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How many times have you heard someone say, “I’m so bad at reaching out!” Or maybe you have heard yourself say something like, “I just have such a hard time picking up the phone!” In my experience, the next phrase is something like, “It’s not personal, I do it with everyone.” For so many of us, reaching out is really hard. We can be deeply hurt when we reach out, only to feel rejected. Our feelings towards reaching out may even be confusing. 

On A Personal Note

Earlier last year I had a profound reminder about the importance of reaching out. Someone really close to me who lives in another part of California had to go into the hospital for a procedure. The purpose of the hospital visit was to determine if more intrusive measures were needed--a potentially life threatening experience. It just so happened that several family members lived near the hospital. The thing was, I had not seen them in years. Of course, there are many painful reasons why I had not been to visit my family in a long time. Would it be a mistake to reach out? Given our experiences in the past, would it be easier to just keep our distance? I checked in with my loved one. Was it okay for me to reach out and let my nearby family know about the situation? I wanted to respect the patient's wishes. We talked through the possible outcomes and concerns. Ultimately, we agreed that I would let our family in the area know. Then the unexpected happened: they went above and beyond to support the whole scary process from beginning to end. Our family offered rides when we needed them, food to keep us going and visits and calls to remind us that they care. Turns out, we even have a nurse in the family who could advocate for accommodations and offer information throughout the whole frightening process. And the results were very heartening--no need for surgery after all. What a relief! Now that we are on the other side of the unknown, we cannot imagine how we could have gotten through it without the support we received. 

From the Very Beginning

To learn more about “reaching out” we can look to attachment and development. The act of reaching is a part of our initial movements as infants, in addition to yielding, pushing, holding and pulling. Ruella Frank, Ph. D. shares in his book Somatic Awareness:

Infants rely on a developing language of body that enables them to reach out and experience the other, and in so doing, to experience themselves. Every infant’s reaching pattern evolves as a pathway toward solving developmental problems or tasks. In the process of discovering the solution, a reach is made (109). 

In essence, our very early experiences shape us--our reflexive movements and core beliefs. The ways in which our caregivers responded to our needs, at a time when getting our needs met were most dependent on others, gives form to our shape. We learn about who we are and what we can expect in the world through our relationships with others. We create adaptations to get through disappointments and abandonment. 

From infancy to old age, we all have needs. Part of what makes each of us unique is how we go about meeting our needs. Deirdre Fay, in her book Attachment-Based Yoga & Meditation, states that “Reaching is about exploring, moving toward, asking, wanting, needing (284).” Just as a child needs a sense of security to feel safe to explore their surroundings away from their caregiver, each of us wants to know that everything will be “okay” when we take the risk of reaching out. 

Somatic psychotherapy acknowledges the body-mind connection between the physical and psychological parallel of “reaching out.” You may try the experiment offered below to explore your relationship to reaching out. 

An Experiment in Reaching Out

Briefly bring to mind whatever it is you want to explore your reaching relationship to--a person or a goal, perhaps. Next find a comfortable seat with your feet on the floor, toes facing forward. Allow your back to rest in a supported position. Rest your gaze forward or close your eyes gently. Bring your attention to the top of your spine, the space between your shoulders, mid-back, lower back and tailbone. With a continued awareness on your back, recall your exploration topic and imagine it in a space a short distance from you, out of reach. Slowly, mindfully, notice what happens when you begin to think about moving an arm towards that space. Notice thoughts, sensations (weight, movement, tension, temperature) and feelings. If it feels right, begin the arm movement towards the space you are focusing on. Take time to allow your awareness to deepen, noticing what arises in your experience. When you sense the action is complete, mindfully drop the arm. Pause for a moment to reflect on your experience. 

As a reminder, mindful experiments create opportunities for clarity; opening to more choice and compassion for ourselves and others.  Using mindfulness in therapy can provide insight and clarity around important topics where you may feel stuck.