Tired of the same arguments?
Holistic couples therapy for when you’re both trying, both hurting, and don’t know how to reach each other anymore.
What’s Really Happening Beneath the Arguments
You love each other.
But lately, it feels like every conversation turns into the same painful cycle.
You try to explain your point. They interrupt or shut down. Voices get louder or quieter. Nothing gets resolved.
And afterward, you’re left feeling exhausted, hurt, and disconnected.
You might be wondering:
Why can’t we communicate without it turning into a fight?
Why does it feel like we’re not on the same team anymore?
We’re trying, but why does this still hurt so much?
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. And it doesn’t mean your relationship is broken.
The Real Problem Isn’t Communication
Most couples come to therapy believing they need better communication tools.
But what’s really happening underneath the arguing is something deeper:
You don’t feel emotionally safe or understood, and neither does your partner.
When one of you feels unheard, criticized, or dismissed, the nervous system reacts. One person may push harder to be understood. The other may shut down, withdraw, or go quiet.
Over time, this creates:
Repeated arguments with no resolution
Emotional distance and resentment
Feeling alone even while together
A sense of walking on eggshells
This isn’t because you’re bad at relationships. It’s because your attachment system is under stress.
When Love Feels Heavy
Many couples reach out when they’re at their limit.
You’re tired of carrying the emotional weight. Tired of replaying arguments. Tired of wondering if this is just “how it’s going to be.”
You may still want to stay together, but you don’t want to keep hurting each other.
That’s often when couples say, “We don’t know what else to do.”
Reaching out for help isn’t a failure. It’s a sign that connection still matters to you.
Our Approach to Couples Therapy
At Life by Design Therapy, we don’t just teach communication scripts.
We help couples understand what’s happening emotionally and physically in moments of conflict.
Our work is grounded in:
Attachment-based therapy
Somatic and nervous system awareness
Understanding triggers and protective patterns
Slowing down interactions so real listening can happen
Instead of focusing on who’s right, we focus on:
What each partner is protecting
What each partner is longing for
How to create safety so both people can stay present
When couples feel safer, communication naturally changes.
Meet Our Couple’s Therapists
**Our therapists provide care under either Life by Design Therapy or our affiliated nonprofit, Life by Design Therapy Collective.
a message from our founder
Most couples come to us feeling exhausted and discouraged because they’re stuck in patterns that feel bigger than both of them.
But through this work, I’ve witnessed couples start to soften in ways they didn’t think were possible.
Not because the arguments magically disappeared. Not because one person finally “got it right.” But because something more important happens.
They begin to slow down in moments of conflict. They start to recognize what’s happening inside their bodies before things escalate. They learn to hear the hurt underneath each other’s words without blame or defensiveness.
Instead of shutting down or trying to make their point, they find ways to pause, repair, and reconnect. What emerges from this work isn’t a perfect relationship. It’s a safer one. A relationship where both people feel more understood. More regulated. More secure.
That’s when closeness returns, not because life gets easier, but because you know how to find each other again when it gets hard.
~ Melody Wright, LMFT
Couples Therapist & Founder
what people are saying
PS: Still wondering if this is right for you? Our therapy is designed for people just like you—adults, couples, teens, and families. No matter where you are in life, we’re here to help you grow.
Offering flexible online therapy throughout California and in-person couples therapy sessions at our Downtown Berkeley office, because healing should be accessible, wherever you are.
couples therapy faq
Remember, couples therapy is an investment in your relationship, and we’re here to make that process feel easier, clearer, and more human.
Below, you’ll find answers to common questions couples have about our process and how to get started with Couples Therapy in Berkeley or Online.
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Many couples worry they waited too long. In reality, the fact that you’re both showing up matters more than where you’re starting.
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Shutting down is a nervous system response, not a choice. We work with this gently by helping both partners understand what’s happening and find ways to stay connected without forcing or overwhelming.
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Many couples worry that therapy will confirm their worst fear. In our experience, it often does the opposite. When couples understand the why behind each other’s reactions, differences feel less threatening and more workable.
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No. Our role is to support the relationship and help both partners feel understood.
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This is more common than people admit. Chronic conflict and disconnection can bury warmth and fondness. Therapy helps create space for those feelings to resurface by addressing what’s been getting in the way.
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This is common. Therapy creates space for both partners to feel heard, even when motivation or readiness feels uneven.
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Not at all. We help slow things down and guide the process.
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No. While communication may improve, the deeper work is helping you feel safer, more understood, and less alone in the relationship.
If you’re reading this and feeling both hopeful and scared, you’re exactly where many couples start before deciding to work with us.
Our process is simple
and flexible
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🌿 Talk with our Client Care Coordinator to see if we're the right fit for your relationship needs.
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🌿 During the call, choose the couple’s therapist who best aligns with your goals and preferences.
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🌿 Start your couples therapy sessions and begin making the changes you want to see in your relationship.
Wherever you are in California, we make it easy to get started with online therapy, and if you're near Berkeley, we’d love to see you in person!
Ready to take the first step?
There’s no risk. No pressure.
Just a conversation to help you discover if we’re the right fit for you.